The rise and fall of “U mad, bro?”

I think it was about a year ago that I first started seeing “You mad bro?” getting used on Xbox Live with any regularity. It has been around for a while–this is true–but it only really blew up recently. Its bastard little brother, “Cool story, bro” has now achieved the same status.

“U mad bro?” is now everywhere: gamertags, clan tags (“UMAD”), and on t-shirts and hoodies. Take a look at this numbnuts, | Mr Nyce | , who’s posing on Facebook in his “Cool story, bro” hoodie:

Timmy Nyce

| Mr Nyce | in his "Cool story bro" hoodie.

“U mad bro?” is effective partly because there are so many gamers who really are mad. But it’s also because ”U mad bro?” is so easy to remember. After all, why bother putting time and effort into a really clever and biting insult when you can just pop out a “U mad bro?”

However, “U mad bro?” has taken a turn for the worse. I’ve run into dolts that toss a “U mad bro?” when they lost the game. You’d think that “U mad bro?” is reserved for winners only. Not so, anymore, my fine gaming friends. Now any loser can use it. Did you just go 4 and 13 on Countdown in Halo: Reach? Is your KDR on Black Ops .83? Did you blow what would’ve been the winning snipe shot? Just remember, when the other team sends you a message ripping on your miserable failure, just poop out a “U mad bro?”, even if it makes no fucking sense to do so. That would be kinda like this:

u mad bro

In other words, “U mad bro?” has overstayed its welcome. It’s old. It’s brokedown, just like your DMR.

Oh, I know what some of you are thinking. “U mad about ‘U mad bro?’ bro?” Or you might say, “Only scrubs would hear ”U mad bro?” so often.”

Aren’t you clever? You’re going to meta-bro me? You can jam your attempt to congratulate yourself on our blog right up your ass. 1. We’ve never heard of you, bro, so don’t act like you’re good. (You’re gonna sign in under a pseudonym, anyway, you pussy.) 2. You know that “U mad bro?” has been watered down into absolute donkeypiss, and 3. You are now part of the problem, not the solution.

So am I mad? Yeah–I’m not thrilled that so many gamers have become so stupid that they cannot even use “U mad bro?” in the correct context. This is an indication that the quality of shittalk has gone down–not up. And that should piss off any self-respecting thinking gamer.

Das Burrito Doctor has spoken.

 

 

I ain’t goin’ nowhere.

Hurricane Irene (credit: NASA)

Hurricane Irene (credit: NASA)

CNN is reporting about Hurricane Irene and President Obama’s response to it. It never  ceases to amaze me how stubborn people are. “Jesus will pull me through this storm.” Uh huh. Have you stopped to think about all the turkeys in the entire history of storms who said that and then found themselves two days later begging for divine mercy as the waves kept crashing down on their balsa wood shack?

Or what about these guys:

Charles Carawan [of North Carolina] said he planned to stay, along with his wife, son and $500,000 worth of crab stored at his seafood packaging business.

“I have nowhere else to go,” Carawan said.

 

You have “nowhere else to go”? Come on, homey. If you can afford $500,000 of crab, surely you can afford a Motel 6 in the middle of Indiana–which is, as far as I can tell, safe from the hurricane. (Although you might get attacked by Republican zombies there. Just buy a shotgun when you get there. I assure–there are plenty of those in Indiana.) Or is this just a failure of imagination: “You mean there are other places, besides North Carolina?”

Ok, I’m betting Carawan just wants to protect that crab shipment. Fine, dude. Try to hole your ass up in your little castle. Just don’t come crying to us when the crabs float back out to sea and Junior Carawan is trying to make a raft out of them.

The real question will be whether Obama will handle this any better than the way that Bush handled Katrina. Since a deformed monkey hopped up on crystal meth and pixie sticks could do a better job than Bush did, I think Obama will be ok.

 

Cheney can have a cup of STFU

CNN has this headline today: Cheney slams Obama

Cheney made his remarks during a speech at the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative think tank.

He said the use of controversial “enhanced interrogation techniques” was a success that saved thousands of lives. “

First, the old geezer isn’t running for re-election. So, it isn’t clear why he’s still pressing the scare tactics. He must actually believe in what he’s saying. But that doesn’t mean he’s right.

At the same time, Cheney argued that Obama’s decision to release Bush-era interrogation memos was a reckless and unfair distraction in the fight against terrorists.

He noted that Obama’s CIA director, Leon Panetta, opposed the release of the documents. “

Second, where’s the evidence that Bushco saved “thousands of lives” with these techniques? Oh, but wait. He doesn’t want to cough up the evidence.

He just wants to pop off some unsupported bullshit.

Imagine that. Business as usual.

-MC Spanky McGee

Kid takes airbag to crotch

Ballsy Kid Agrees to Airbag Explosion Under Nuts
This video accomplished two positive things: 1) It made me laugh and 2) it ensured this kid will not be reproducing ever.

That airbag is moving. Fast. Look, it’s one thing to be a jackass, and another thing to put your nuts on the line. I suspect this kid had prior brain damage.

Back in black

First of all, I’d like to say that Bro Taguchi still has a bigass head.

Griff thinks she’s too cool for the USA and is leaving. She must be a conservative.

Grown Pumpkin needs to get his battle rifle back out, because I see gobs of Halo 3, again, in our future.

And I’m about to start bitching about all sorts of shit. Again.

The Soupy Trumpet is back for a third incarnation. Could get ugly.

-MC Spanky McGee

Snakesssssss!

CNN reports that a snake-handling preacher has been arrested:

The pastor of a Kentucky church that handles snakes in religious rites was among 10 people arrested by wildlife officers in a crackdown on the venomous snake trade.

More than 100 snakes, many of them deadly, were confiscated in the undercover sting after Thursday’s arrests, said Col. Bob Milligan, director of law enforcement for Kentucky Fish and Wildlife.

Most were taken from the Middlesboro home of Gregory James Coots, including 42 copperheads, 11 timber rattlesnakes, three cottonmouth water moccasins, a western diamondback rattlesnake, two cobras and a puff adder.

Handling snakes is practiced in a handful of fundamentalist churches across Appalachia, based on the interpretation of Bible verses saying true believers can take up serpents without being harmed.

I feel a strong urge to recommend that all Christian nutjobs should go pick up some puff adders, but I will resist that urge.

Let’s think a little bit here. Aren’t there other ways to tell whether someone really believes in Baby Jesus?

Surely there are. I doubt the snake handling is the only litmus test.

And what is it with Christians and snakes anyway? That’s just so Ozzy of them.

-MC Spanky McGee


MC Spanky McGee is trying to get back in the saddle here at the Trumpet.

Huckabee in a prom dress?

Huckabee: Demonizing Obama is a ‘fatal mistake’

Huckabee suggested questions about whether he might join McCain on the ticket were premature. “You can’t accept an invitation to the prom until the football captain asks you. So I’m not going to go out and buy the outfit just yet,” said Huckabee, according to AFP. “

Weird. Just weird. With all of our connotations about prom and the football captain, I’ll tell you what this sounds like to me. McCain is the football captain and Huckabee is the little sophomore girl in a dress.

What happens at the post-prom party?

BOO.

-MC Spanky McGee