I need to speak with the Purresidents of KFC. I made the strange decision to eat lunch there today…the plan was to get a tender roast and get out. However, today I realized that the TR (along with every other sandwich they have ever fashioned) has been scrapped in favor of the Snacker. I knew that the KFC/Nacho in my barrio had given up on all the other sandwiches, but I thought that was due to its dual nature. Today I visited a full-blown Colonel to find no sandwiches other than the snacker…so I got mine buffaloed.

Before I debunk the myth of the Snacker, I will say that they get credit for having a 99-cent product that you can buffalo. This is at least a rarity and at best a one-of-a-kind buffalo product because of the price (unless you consider a 25-cent basket of 5 shrimp doused with Frank’s at Fast Eddie’s in Alton a “buffalo” product). However, after much consideration during my “meal” today, I realized that this apparent boon to the snacker’s aura is weak at best…I could buffalo a turd and sell it for 5 cents. It would still be a buffalo product.

The snacker is KFC’s pathetic attempt to streamline its previous sandwich menu. The bun blows, and the whole experience just turns into a rainstorm of falling lettuce once you open the wrapper. The chicken is far from mee-tee, so it turns into an equal conglomeration of lettuce, batter and perhaps some fowl if you’re lucky. Finally, LOOGATHASEIZATHATHEING! It’s so small that it’s all bun…and the bun still blows. I deplore the snacker and everything it stands for…not even a little carton of potato wedges can save that thing. LAME-ASS!