Monthly Archives: August 2006

Vanilla Frosty. Ehhhhhh.

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I think I’m staying with the old skool Frosty. Wendy’s Vanilla Frosty is just ok. Maybe it’s good but not good. The sugar is there, but without the choco, the Frosty is “like Harry Melvin without Bluenotes: you’ll never go platinum.”

I’m not the kind of dude that rocks a vanilla shake anyway. Now, Dairy Queen’s brownie batter Blizzard is the shit. You feel like you tacked on 30 pounds afterwards, but, damn, you feel like a rockstar. An over-the-hill, about-to-be-on-”Celebrity Fit Club” rockstar. Like Vince Neil just left Old Country Buffet with Pumpkin and Taguchi and they did full court press against him for 4 quarters.

Prognosis: not good. The vanilla Frosty will die an early death.

Check out a massive debate at junkfood.blog

-Spanky McGee, MD

The U.S. embroiled in civil war?

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http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/082406T.shtml

“Evolutionary biology has vanished from the list of acceptable fields of study for recipients of a federal education grant for low-income college students.”

The civil war in which we find ourselves is one centering ideology. It might be a mistake that this major was taken off the list, but it could be only a matter of time before the fundies openly try to attack it.

Not convinced? See this:

http://www.truthout.org/docs_2006/082206N.shtml
The fundies want you to think that we are the result of incest. Hmmmm. Adam, Eve, and two sons. You do the math. I like it. It would explain why we’re so fucked up as a species. The mutant effects of “original incest” would be cool, though. I would like having an extra big toe popping out of the top of my head. Maybe an extra scro hanging off my cheek. Sweet. Maybe Pumpkin could have a little pouch on his belly for extra pizza rolls.
“But the genes of Adam and Eve were perfect. That’s why it wasn’t incest.”

1. You’re appealing to the very science that undermines your talking-snake theory (thank you, David Cross)

2. How did we did get the genetic variation we do have?

If you appeal to environmental factors to answer the question, you might as well concede to the theory of evolution…

If you say, “God,” you’ve only put more duct tape on the theory, and you’ve retreated more into ignorance.

Science fucking rocks.

-Spanko El Nerdo

Aww, the little fella didn’t know what to say…

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Well, I thought I’d probably be the first one to do it…

http://www.slate.com/id/2148197?nav=wp

Asked if it might be time for a new strategy in Iraq, given the unceasing rise in casualties and chaos, Bush replied, “The strategy is to help the Iraqi people achieve their objectives and dreams, which is a democratic society. That’s the strategy. … Either you say, ‘It’s important we stay there and get it done,’ or we leave. We’re not leaving, so long as I’m the president.”

The reporter followed up, “Sir, that’s not really the question. The strategy—”

Bush interrupted, “Sounded like the question to me.”

I didn’t know strategy was so easy to come by. And for good measure…my buddy. Thanks for everything you do, bro.

“The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.”
- G.W. Bush, 9/13/01

“I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don’t care. It’s not that important. It’s not our priority.”
- G.W. Bush, 3/13/02

Swab the poop deck, landlubber!

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http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060822/od_nm/life_pirate_dc_1

It could be the case that Grown Pumpkin might be super-cool after all, if the pirate avant garde rises to critical mass. However, Pumpkin was probably ahead of the curve when he made this bold fashion statement about 5 years ago:

Of course, sometimes Pumpkin’s fashions take a while to take hold.

-S

Reviews a Comin’

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The Trumpet will undoubtedly feature reviews of all nature. Today is Tuesday which means it is release day for cd’s, dvd’s and video games. I am going to write reviews of my weekly purchases from the big yellow and blue electronic superstore. I also try and make a trip to the theater every Friday and I’d like to write about those as well. So later today/tonight I will do both for those that may care.

Who ate the mothafuckin’ pudding in my mothafuckin’ fridge?!?!

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Do yourself a favor and get some jello pudding. Make that shit. Every time you remember that there’s pudding in the fridge and you’re ready to snack, you get this super-awesome feeling.

Having pudding in the fridge is a funny thing. It’s trivial enough so that you’ll temporarily forget it’s there, but great enough to make you proud of your earlier self for having the foresight to take care of your present self. You’re your own best friend (“I’m a Mog”).

Now, I expect a post from Grown Pumpkin deriding the object of discussion here. We’ll see what he has up his sleeve.

-Spankomatic

Dlor Dlogs

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Well…somebody looooooves him some Trumpet. Come on, lezzgetanother8ball…..

Rold Gold pretzels are (precisely): that second baseman who plays very good defense (but never Gold Glove D) and hits around .290 every season. You’re doin the right thing when you play him ever day, but he’s never quite an all-star. And you generally have to settle for a Dlor Dlog…nobody craves DDs. You don’t hit the free agent market sayin, “Signing DD is a priority for us…”

I give you MLB’s Rold Gold Pretzel (an all-star appearance with the 1996 Expos doesn’t count):

http://mlb.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/team/player.jsp?player_id=115210

Who is the reeeeeeal Paris?

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http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060821/ap_en_mu/people_paris_hilton

“[Paris Hilton] says the baby voice she uses on the reality TV show “The Simple Life” is an act.

“I’m always playing a character,” she tells [Blender Magazine]. “I don’t talk like this really — like a baby. I don’t act like myself in public, because I don’t really want to show everyone the real me. Because I have no privacy whatsoever, the only thing I have is who I really am.”"

We have oppressed her so much that she has retreated into herself, burying her true self way down underneath the complex veneers to keep us confused. Genius. Damn, I wish I knew what she’s really like. I bet her favorite book is really Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time. Or maybe she likes Kant. She’s tricky.
“The only thing” she has is who she really is? Is she cold and hungry? She must be broke. Donate to the Save Paris fund now!!!!

Maybe Grown Pumpkin will take her to Steak N Shake….

-Spanky and the Spanktrelles