As I was explaining to Pumpkin the other night, when I saw that ‘mudbutt’ category, I had to explain my mudbutt story. So to take it short, I’ll post the Cliff Notes version.

In a restaurant, ready to leave one night, the waitresses wear these 50’s waitress uniforms that look like candy striper uni’s. Sort skirt right below the asscheek line, one waitress is reaching over the counter, when I go back to my table to get my car keys, her bulletproof granny-sized underwear is exposed with the worst case of mudbutt/skidmark ass I have ever seen in my life.

Now, considering it was “that time of the month”, a) because of the granny underwear, and b) because of the red blotches that were mixed in that made the ass crack of her underwear look like either a Jackson Pollack painting or a Leroy Neiman signature painting… I nearly lost what I had consumed at this fine establishment.

This is forever burned into my memory… like a bitter break-up, it has scarred me for quite some time. My therapist says soon, it will be a distant memory, but that red/bown paintball splatter haunts me. I need some tequila.

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