During the tenure of my friendship with Mr. Gooch McDickley (retired Senator (whig) from the great state of Illinois), he and I have had some very strange conversations.  I will try to recount as many of them as I can in a series of articles entilted “I hope the N.S.A. hears this shit.”  Most of these conversations have taken place via cel phone.  Dubya is laughing his hick,hillbilly,backwoods,cornpone ass off at some of this.

Ring Ring

Poon, “Hello?”

Gooch, “Fuck off.”

Poon, “Go fuck your mother.”

Gooch, “So what’s up?”

Poon, “I was just thinking that if someone came into your house and jerked one off into your shampoo, you’d never know it.”

Gooch, “What?!”

Poon, “I mean they are about the same texture and everything, Jizz and shampoo would probably just blend together if shaken up properly.”

Gooch, “Uh o.k……I guess so.  You don’t think it would dry and get crusty?”

Poon, “No-ho-ho, my friend.  Jizz is mostly water.  I’d bet if you were walking around with someone’s baby batter in your hair right now, you’d never know.”

Gooch, “What are you getting at?”

Poon, “Nuthin’”

Gooch, “Hey next time I see you remind be to punch your two front teeth down your fucking throat. Just be prepared for that”

Poon, “I never said I did, but I could have….Hey if you do knock my teeth down my throat, I could get a badass gold grill like that old Russian lady who used to run the cash register at the White Hen Pantry on West Grand.”

Gooch, “You could go platinum, but that’s a little trendy right now.”

 

 

 

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