Dildonic
Posted In: Random Lashing Out, Sports
So, I was out at the bar last night, and the Cardinals won the damn World Series. That’s cool, bro–whatever. The main benefit to me is that Bro Taguchi will be in a better mood for a while. Maybe he’ll simmer down a bit. He’s been all wound up for a month or so. But I digress. Right after the Cards won, some douchebags in the bar yelled out “CUBS! GO CUBBIES!” I made a face like someone just called me a Republican.
That’s pathetic. It looks to me like the Cubbies were in last place in the National League Central. If I were a Cubs fan, I’d keep my damn mouth shut at this point. Shit, I might even show a little respect.
Keep in mind that I don’t even really care about besoboru. As my homeboy Shawn says, “It ok.” (sic). Thus I can objectively say that those Cubs fans were total douches. They might as well have said, “HEEEEEEEYYYYYY, our team fucking blows, and you should whap us in the nuts with a Louisville Slugger!”
I’ll let you in on a secret: I have a Cardinals hat, and it’s mostly a red hat to me. Most of the time Cards fans see it and say “Go Cards!” and I’m like, “Sure, bro.” But, I did buy a new one after my old Cards hat died. And I did it just because Cubs fans are annoying. The next Cubs fan that rips off my hat from my head is going to have big problems with me.
If Cubs fans keep on being the dildos they’ve been, I might commit to being a full-out Cards fan, just to spite them.
And I don’t even care about baseball.
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28 Oct 2006 MC Spanky McGee
Dear Iowa City:
Keep up that noble grind known as “We just-uh (sniff)…we really hope we can finish 3rd in the Big Ten.” I wish you the best. Joey Knish would be proud. I’d like to point out that your whole pathetic world has now come down to Nov. 11 against Wisconsin. If the birdies come up short, they might find themselves playing in Detroit. That would be sweet.
At the same time, don’ be wurrred about what I be doin’. You all may now refer to me as “the White Wizard.”
It is pronounced “ko-nee-chee-wa.”
Taguchi is now like that kid on the seventh-grade basketball team who made the game-winning shot in the city tournament and became too cool to ride bikes with his old posse.
“Hey Ricky, nice shot in the city tourney.”
“Hey Bobby, I’m kinda busy. Nice Huffy.”
Huh. Just like those ignorant Yankee fans and the imbecilic Raider (Gayder) fans. Their teams suck or suck it up in crunch time, and then they act like they won the whole fuckin thing.
douche awards all around!
[...] That’s right. Chad Johnson. Not my favorite athlete…but the one dude I wish I could call up to ride bikes with. Never mind that “eighty-five” en Espanol is actually “ochenta y cinco”…it’s all good. He shaved the mohawk cuz they lost last week (and you know he didn’t want to see that go, but the wager was quality). He’s 100% colorful…fun to the point that he called out Ray Lewis this week (the baddest man in the NFL), and Ray was cheezin the whole time he responded to it. He can’t be mad at my guy. [...]