I got an email from Apple today. They want to me to buy songs from iTunes, more iPods, Powerbooks, blah blah blah. The best part was that the subject heading of the email reads, “You shopped for everyone else. Now it’s your turn.”

First of all, Apple, it’s the day after Christmas, and I haven’t bought shit for anyone yet. That’s partly because I’m all out of whack and can’t think clearly these days (too much going on, including this ridiculous blog). It’s also because I’m not going back into credit card debt, as I explained a few days ago.

Second, I love it when companies stroke my sense of entitlement. (Bro Taguchi pointed out to me a long time ago how much Americans love entitlement). “You work sooooo hard, you are soooooo generous, you are sooooo sweet. You deserve a reward. Now buy our shit.”

Here’s what I hear: “You spent so much money that you should spend more.”

I’m not a cheap bastard. Really. If anything, I’ve spent too much on myself and others, and I can’t do it anymore.

Yes, this is me binging and purging all over you.

It must be the religious spirit in the air… infectious.

-Agent Spanky McGee