Friends and fellow douchebags,

The teabag is often abused on Halo 3. Variants on the teabag include, but are not limited to:

• meleeing
• slicing with the energy sword
• kicking
• grenading, sticking

the dead body of your opponent.

There are some basic rules to follow in Halo 3 or other first-person shooters with multiplayer.

In general, thou shall not teabag the enemy

1. within the first half of the play clock
2. within the first 10 points of the game (in team slayer, e.g.)
3. when the game is tied
4. you are winning by 4 points or fewer
5. when a losing opponent is likely to blast a rocket off your helmet while you are performing said teabag and to swing the momentum

The first three rules are uncontroversial, for the simple reason that it is simply too early in the game to get cocky and disrespect your opponent. Your cockiness may be your undoing.

The fourth is less evident. However, for the reason that your opponent might stage a massive comeback and kick your prematurely-teabagging ass. Pumpkin and I have made such comebacks, and the fools that teabagged us when they were up by a few had jackshit to say afterwards. They took their post-game verbal lashings and ducked out. Don’t teabag if you can’t back it up.

The fifth rule is clear and distinct.

Now, my friends, I have broken these rules myself, but it doesn’t follow that I haven’t given good advice here. I, too, have taken out my frustrations on a winning opponent via the ol’ boop!-boop!-dip!-dip!

“Great kid! Don’t get cocky.”

Have fun droppin’ the bag…

-Spanks

PS. The Trumpet gives a shout-out to ryguy0385, unbornredeyes, sich freuen and Spankeedog.

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