Within about 2 days of one another, 2 sad and longstanding traditions rode off into the sunset.

On Dec. 6, the Cardinals released So Taguchi. 99 came to STL from Japan in 2002 and didn’t carry much of a stick when he first arrived. He worked his way up to a regular platoon player and put in 4 solid seasons, although his skills have visibly dissipated at the age of 38, especially defensively. He will be forever revered for the high heater from Billy Wagner that he turned around in the 9th inning of Game 2 of the 2006 NLCS:

I will also remember this game, where Taguchi hit the game-tying HR in the 8th and made a catch crashing into the ivy at Wrigley (the same day Pujols hit 3 jacks). I think he’s a Phillie now…ick.

On Dec. 8, Bro Taguchi hung up the TRH apron for good after 9 years. Since I’ve been assured that I’m a first-ballot HOFer, I’d like to go ahead and thank all the people who helped me get to where I am:

First, ol Captain Mulletude…thanks for getting it all started. Gar-Bear (aka Lloyd Christmas aka Frank the Tank aka Holy Stoli)…I trained for my first job in a restaurant right next to Santino. Why you so pumped up? Suz, Bob, Mo and Pee-nut. Fat Bruce taught me to relish forays into the TC. Thanks to Pumpkin for every food concotion we came up with: Louisiana-1, the Hoag, Jack’s pizza in the melter + buffalo…even cold beef tips out of the pan was a form of art. Co-sign, teabag, you-face, bloop and skeeny. Delfino, Leaky Pipes, MCP, Nasty Nate, Beef Curtains, James Porter, Zacnpeebs, Heater, Skeez, Brothers Grunt and Bennigan’s Bathroom. Last but not least…Fat Leonard (aka Billy Joel aka Lyle Lovett aka Tom Hanks aka Uncle Legend aka “Christy, can I get 3 vodka and cranberries to go?”)…the other half of Double Dragon. We all ripped it up.

My lifetime achievement award goes to Pumpkin. Sample material:
Pumpkin (at the start of a shift, going up to one of the girls working): Whew, I’m glad you’re here tonight.
Girl: Why?
Pumpkin: I was afraid I’d be the only dude working.
(It usually got a delightful response)