Last night we played GUNSLINGERJAMES and his guys. He was not thrilled about a fresh-out-the-box asswhoopin’ he received from my crew. In the postgame lobby, GUNSLINGERJAMES spewed forth a barrage of semi-unintelligible swear words that would surely offend his mama. What would she think?

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” she would say.

Anyway, back to GUNSLINGERJIMMY. During his spew, I said, “Hey, that sounds like a rap. I’ll beatbox.” 3 seconds into my beatboxing and GUNSLINGERJIMMY’s voice raises three octaves–pretty close to MACHINE 666’s pitch–and he spews even faster. Then we got booted from the postgame lobby.
Well, I was feeling feisty, so I sent JIMMY a message offering to beatbox for him some more.

Here was his response (earmuffs if you are faint of heart–there are death threats in this audio recording):

Doesn’t the Halo theme music in the background add a nice touch? I also like his command, “Don’t rap.”

Undaunted by JIMMY’s idle threats of raping me and killing my family, I pressed on in the name of charity, sending JIMMY some of my best beatbox material. His reply to that was this:

Priceless. I really hope that he and I can form a rap group. I think his rhymes and my beats could really go far. I just don’t think I want him on my Halo 3 team, because he’s just not that good.

Given that JIMMY is more a puppy and less the bigdog that he thinks he is, I think his voice should sound more like this:

-Agent Spanky

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