Our technical team here at Soupy Trumpet has come up with a prototype controller for “Major League Eating: The Game.“

You plug it in to your XBOX 360, and start up the game. All you have to do is open your cavernous mouth (the one you use to spew so much bullshit in Halo 3 postgame lobbies), bite on the hot dog offered by the robotic arm, swallow, and repeat. You’ll be on your way to wearing husky pants in no time!!!

The RoboDog 7000 offers a broad hotdog tray, so that you won’t have to get up frequently to replenish your supply. We have installed the fastest available motors so that you can chomp the dogs at a championship rate. Your skill level will rocket to 50 quickly, or we’ll give your money back. (Or you can always hit a brick wall at level 37, start up a new account with your favorite little buddy and house everyone on the way back up the ladder) Take on Takeru Kobayashi from the comfort of your own home!!! You’ll never leave the house again! (You’ll be too big to get out!)

The wired version is pictured here (retail price: $18,899.00), but for $49.95 more, you can go wireless!!!

Don’t forget to download our Soupy Trumpet icon for your whole Major League Eating clan/team! You and your fellow douchebag teammates can all have the same icons. Intimidate your opponents with your good sense of color coordination and similar gamertags!!!!

(Right click icon below and click “Save icon to my XBOX 360 so that my fucking teammates and I can be unoriginal dolts and have matching icons.”)

Fuck.

-Spanks