Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy:

• The Smoking Gun treats us with another mug shot gallery - this one called “the nip slip collection”
• G4tv found an awesome custom Mario modded Nintendo wii
• Bill Simmons wrote a “What If?” piece for ESPN Page 2 that exams what might have happened if all the NBA trades went down differently
• IGN released their Super Smash Bros Brawl guide - the game is amazing
• you can bid on rapper The Game’s custom Cadillac Escalade on Ebay while he is locked up
• listen to Lupe Fiasco’s Superstar Remix with T.I. and Young Jeezy at Complex
• Britney Spears and K-Fed fight over $1 million legal bill
• Heather Locklear’s shrink called 911 on her because she thought she might OD - aka suicide attempt
• crazy ass R. Kelly made a dis track called “I’m a Beast” and may be directed at Ne-Yo, Young Jeezy, or Jay-Z
• College Humor’s Stupid Question weekly entry

And Hot Off The Soupy Trumpet Press:

• New York Governor Eliot Spitzer kicks it with Emperors Club VIP prostitutes
• Sally Kern says that gays are worse than terrorists

1990’s R&B group Dru Hill was officially set to get back together on a morning radio show in their hometown Baltimore, Maryland. WERQ-FM 92.3 had the four original members, Sisqo, Jazz, Nokio, and Woody Rock all on the air on Thursday March 6, 2008.

Everything was going well as the platinum group with 7 top 40 hits was revealing their plans of a reunion. The interview goes as expected until Woody (approx 2:25 in the video) claims he is quitting again to follow a mission with god.

Dru Hill tour dates are still listed for the “Ladies Night Out Tour” with Bell Biv Devoe, Keith Sweat, and Toni! Tony! Tone’!. There are doubts into the authenticity of the fallout as some believe it may be a publicity stunt.

Either way, “The Thong Song” was one of the greatest moments in musical achievement in my opinion. This video is popular on YouTube… even if Dru Hill is not anymore.

Spanky says:

The New York Times reports that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has been involved in a prostitution ring.

Looks like the politicians sure are going bonkers in the last few days, with Sally Kern telling us that gays are worse than terrorists.

Look, now is not the time to dismiss all politicians out of hand–although I get tempted myself. Don’t think, “They’re all scumbags,” on the basis of a few cases. Some assholes are worse than others. Fact. So, you should vote for the person that will be the smallest asshole!!!

Back to Spitzer, he claims during his public statement today that politics is not about individuals but is about ideas.

Ok, Eliot. Maybe in an ideal world. But the public won’t accept that distinction. You’re gonna get a ton of pressure to walk, bro.

Grown Pumpkin’s Analysis:
Does having your wife stand by you make it seem like you’re OK in spite of all of your misdoing? Looking at her face, I would say no. In fact I think parading her up there does her a disservice and may make you come off as even more of an insincere douche. You were named the “Crusader of the Year” by Time Magazine and even “Eliot Ness” for sorting out corrupt “establishment” members. Now you are yet another corrupt politician, worthy of lampooning and photoshopping (like you as Don Magic Juan above). You are no longer the crusader. You are going to lose your job over this. Your reputation is gone. Your apology for your “private matter” seems so fake and hollow.

The best / worst part of all of this is that all the details have yet to emerge (update: details are emerging). We know he has been referred to as “Client 9″ in the Emperors Club VIP bust that has linked high rollers to prostitutes around the world using wiretaps. It appears he was a client, and maybe he was just there to talk… or we will be treated to raunchy details of yet another hypocritical politician’s extramarital sex life. Hopefully his family and friends and the millions he is responsible for will be able to move on without too much harm. People make mistakes, but hiding it under public trust and ultimately showing no true remorse multiplies and magnifies your offense. Sir, if you were a regular guy, nobody would care… but you promised New York voters you were different and Time Magazine took the bait.

I hope you weren’t buying the 7 Diamond girls that cost $5,500 each hour… and I hope that money was yours and not the government’s… and I hope that they are women hookers for your sake or Sally Kern may breathe hot fire down on you. Hopefully there are no photos or video of you in some crazy oufit doing crazy things… this thing could get way worse.

I admittedly knew very little of you until today, and while my photoshop is inaccurate (you were a John and not Mr. Whitefolks), it will be in my head from here out. Others will have similar thoughts of the former crusader of the year.

Bro Taguchi’s analysis:

Being the Gooch, I gotta jump in here. That photoshop is one of the $$$-est things I’ve ever seen…

I see two issues here. First and foremost, this isn’t really a “corrupt politician” story, it’s a hypocrisy story. Spitzer was a real cowboy as the Attorney General of New York, but now he’ll be seen as just another power-monger who decided to bust others for disobeying corporate trading laws while ignoring other laws by runnin up in hoes in the clubby-club. Some people can get away with such selective obedience/enforcement…state governors cannot.

Spitzer was one of my favorite guys for a long time, and to some degree I still respect him. Let’s face it…this is another “beej in the White House” type of story. This leads to the 2nd issue…is a guy is a scorn-worthy scumbag because he got loved up by a prostitute? The unequivocal answer to that in today’s political environment is “yes,” but I’d take Spitzer any day of the week over former Illinois Governor George Ryan (who used his office to get very wealthy rather than to get laid). I don’t think Spitzer fleeced Time magazine…he just took liberties with other parts of his life. He truly was the Crusader of the Year (who dipped on the side)…not unlike MLK or JFK. History has been much more forgiving to these men, and their political legacies remain in tact. Hell, one of ‘em even gets a national holiday. In spite of all this massaging, I should point out that now is, in fact, resignation time.

Issue 2.5: If people want to differentiate between having sex with “not-my-wife” for money or for free (as it pertains to Spitzer’s character), that’s their issue…or perhaps the government’s issue. S’all the same to me.

Obama rejects being Clinton’s No. 2

“I don’t understand,” [Obama] said. “If I’m not ready, how is it that you think I should be such a great vice president?”

Yesterday I said, “If you’re not experienced enough to be Prez, you ain’t experienced enough to to be VP.”

See, the rational response to Hillary comes quite naturally. Even Spanky can do it.

-MC Spanky McGee

Oklahoma City Representative Sally Kern talks about how students are being indoctrinated to embrace gay culture.

She claims that students are being indoctrinated to embrace gay culture. How long have Christians been indoctrinating us? Since the beginning.

She claims that being gay has negative consequences. What ever happened to free markets, Sally? Eating only cheeseburgers has negative consequences, too. Are you going to tell me that I can’t do that? Nope. Because I bet you think I may spend my dollar however I want.

But you think I can’t do in the bedroom whatever I want with a consenting adult?

Sally talks about how gays commit suicide and about how that is a negative consequence. The best explanation for these suicides is that these people can’t handle the bullshit that your types throw at them, Sally. They don’t kill themselves because they’re gay. They kill themselves because they’re gay in a world that is bigoted towards gays.

Piss off, Sally. Your religious fundamentalism has much in common with those who are trying to blow up this country. What do you want to say about that?

-MC Spanky McGee

Ah, the irony.

Clinton’s 3am girl says the answer is Obama

So who do you want answering the phone at 3am? For Casey Knowles, it’s got to be Barack Obama.

Casey is the little girl shown asleep in the controversial Hillary Clinton advert that aired in Texas before last week’s primary, playing on fears about Mr Obama’s relative lack of experience in foreign policy matters.

It turns out that ol’ Hillary used stock footage for the commercial, and that the actress has grown up to be an Obama supporter. Now, this isn’t a reason to vote for Obama, but it doesn’t seem like one of life’s little cruel twists that should make Hillary cuss in the bathroom a bit…

-MC Spanky McGee

TOOL.com

SUBJECT: ROLLING STONE

QUESTION: “Hey Blair, I’m sure you’ve received emails about this, but just in case you haven’t… a Rolling Stone journalist said he did shots of Patron with Danny and Maynard at the Grammys and they told him there is a new album in the works. My heart skipped a beat when I read it. Do you have any insight to this rumor?”

REPLY [from Blair, the Webmaster]: If Danny and/or Maynard told the guy that there was a new (Tool) album in the works, than who am I to say that it’s not so? However, I can’t help but wonder if these were decoy band members that attended the Grammys, or, even if they were the actual band members, was this record they were referring to merely a decoy album? As a de-facto ambassador (with or without the white robe of a Fair Witness), keep in mind what I wrote in the January 17th newsletter - namely that if you were to go looking for a band member on the Red Carpet, you better watch out not only for a large Venerian Dragon with a cockney lisp, but for SnARKS that are boojums! Still, if they really are dusting off the dry-erase ‘arrangement’ board over at the rehearsal space, perhaps it’s once again time to remove the violet silk wrap of my faux bird’s-eye maple deluxe edition ‘talking board’ and summon Obelisong, the “pleasant deliverer” of some ‘10,000 Days” tidbits a couple of years ago. Better yet, what do you say we just wait and see what unfolds over the next few months? Any pertinent news shall be posted in a timely fashion.

Look, I’m a huge Tool fan, but I can’t stand this kind of bullshit. I know that the band members generally get a kick out of this kind of teasing their fans, and the band’s little imp, Blair Blake, is perfect in that role. As you can see above, Blair’s nonsense follows a mindless played-out pattern, which generally goes like this:

“Tool might be making a new album, but you’ll have to consult the 74th Rthgar in the Shadow of the Moon during the Festival of Hmondatar, while feasting on the six-sided Humoth, stroking your ying-yang to the…”

Look, TOOL, I bet most of your fans are too lazy to look up your esoteric D and D terms. I bet a couple of dorks do torture themselves for hours tracking down words and riddles you made up. I sure as shit don’t care. Release the album, and I’ll buy it. Bottom line. But it ain’t because you guys have little hexagrams and other geometrical symbols on your instruments (ahem, DC). It’s because you’re top-notch musicians (and that ain’t because of the shapes).

In fact, I’d rather have you talk about science and get away from this obsession with mystical words and shapes altogether. It’s just as goofy as the religions you guys often make fun of.

-MC Spanky McGee

Dunno. It looks like it goes over the backboard. Somebody got ripped off.

-MC Spanky McGee