New Tool album? Who knows? Same old cryptic nonsense on website.
Posted In: Clownin', Entertainment, Music, Random Lashing Out
SUBJECT: ROLLING STONE
QUESTION: “Hey Blair, I’m sure you’ve received emails about this, but just in case you haven’t… a Rolling Stone journalist said he did shots of Patron with Danny and Maynard at the Grammys and they told him there is a new album in the works. My heart skipped a beat when I read it. Do you have any insight to this rumor?”
REPLY [from Blair, the Webmaster]: If Danny and/or Maynard told the guy that there was a new (Tool) album in the works, than who am I to say that it’s not so? However, I can’t help but wonder if these were decoy band members that attended the Grammys, or, even if they were the actual band members, was this record they were referring to merely a decoy album? As a de-facto ambassador (with or without the white robe of a Fair Witness), keep in mind what I wrote in the January 17th newsletter - namely that if you were to go looking for a band member on the Red Carpet, you better watch out not only for a large Venerian Dragon with a cockney lisp, but for SnARKS that are boojums! Still, if they really are dusting off the dry-erase ‘arrangement’ board over at the rehearsal space, perhaps it’s once again time to remove the violet silk wrap of my faux bird’s-eye maple deluxe edition ‘talking board’ and summon Obelisong, the “pleasant deliverer” of some ‘10,000 Days” tidbits a couple of years ago. Better yet, what do you say we just wait and see what unfolds over the next few months? Any pertinent news shall be posted in a timely fashion.
Look, I’m a huge Tool fan, but I can’t stand this kind of bullshit. I know that the band members generally get a kick out of this kind of teasing their fans, and the band’s little imp, Blair Blake, is perfect in that role. As you can see above, Blair’s nonsense follows a mindless played-out pattern, which generally goes like this:
“Tool might be making a new album, but you’ll have to consult the 74th Rthgar in the Shadow of the Moon during the Festival of Hmondatar, while feasting on the six-sided Humoth, stroking your ying-yang to the…”
Look, TOOL, I bet most of your fans are too lazy to look up your esoteric D and D terms. I bet a couple of dorks do torture themselves for hours tracking down words and riddles you made up. I sure as shit don’t care. Release the album, and I’ll buy it. Bottom line. But it ain’t because you guys have little hexagrams and other geometrical symbols on your instruments (ahem, DC). It’s because you’re top-notch musicians (and that ain’t because of the shapes).
In fact, I’d rather have you talk about science and get away from this obsession with mystical words and shapes altogether. It’s just as goofy as the religions you guys often make fun of.
-MC Spanky McGee
Sphere: Related Content
10 Mar 2008 MC Spanky McGee
It’s still a f*cking awesome shot, no matter what the result. That dude deserves his 2 points.
dammit! Why does my browser suck so much? Or why do I suck at mouse pointing so much? Meant to leave that comment elsewhere. Damn-god.
When does tool ever “make fun of” religions? I agree with you, blair is one annoying asshole, but stop acting like they’re forced to tell you a straight answer or that you’re forced to read blair’s bullshit. Wiki says Keenan promised another tool album. That should be good enough. Even if it never happens, they’ve given you amazing albums that can be listened to everyday and never get old, and in exchange you gave them 10 or 15 dollars (the price of a fucking pizza hut pizza) per album, so stop bitching.
Enoon,
Did you catch the “I’m a huge Tool fan” part?
I didn’t say I was forced to read Blair’s nonsense. I just said that I was sick of it. Certainly you get sick of reading things that you perceive to be bitching–like this post, for example, but I didn’t force you to read *it*.
Sickness and coercion are logically independent of each other.
QED.
Next–they don’t “owe” me a straight answer. True. But I will modify my earlier argument to fit this concept of *debt* that you’re attributing to me.
“Make fun of” was probably too strong. But Maynard is generally not a fan of religions. This can be seen in interviews with him. I’m just saying–you can’t really dis organized religion and then go with the occult (something that DC might be doing. Then again, it might be a show.)
That aside, I’m excited about a new album, and you are certainly correct about the Pizza Hut part. (I rock DiGiorno, myself).
I still find new things on the albums, even after I’ve listened to the songs 1,000 times.
About the bitching: I’m afraid I can’t stop doing that. That’s kinda my job here at the Trumpet.
Most of all, thanks for commenting. Spanky feels so “ronery” here sometimes.