GTA IV at Midnight – See You All Later

GTA 4 Special Edition with Vaseline

The Grand Theft Auto IV (GTA 4) video game comes out for the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 tonight at midnight.  I was one of the suckers lucky ones that was able to reserve the special edition versions for the 360 at Best Buy for only $90 (pictured above – Vaseline not included).  I am admittedly happy and yet still sad because I will not see all of you.  I will likely see less of Call of Duty 4, and Halo 3 may not even know me anymore. (here we go again)

I am hoping the Xbox Live service can hang tough this time.  If it does, the game that IGN rated a 10, will be a slam-dunk for the 360 over the PS3 just for the online play.

Spanky ignore your initial thoughts and come to the darkside, make the purchase!

Another thing I hate.

So, I was laying in bed being a totally wasted piece of shit when I came across another thing that I hate.

Yes, it’s the Kardashians. I FUCKING HATE THE KARDASHIANS!!! When in the fuck did being totally shitty, spitefully shallow, completely morally devoid wealth-mongers become a sufficient reason to be broadcast worldwide to thus become role models for the next generation? It’s bad enough that they are the object of another reality show (and I’ll spare you my rant about the evils of reality TV and the insidious hold that it has over our nation), but do they have to be six of the most uninteresting people that have ever lived in human history? If you are going to create a show that follows people around watching them make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, at least pick someone that has some serious mental illness or emotional problems. Stick with the Flava Flavs and the Ozbournes of the world because they at least go ape shit every show and give us something to talk about the next day.

These Kardashians are like watching retarded hippos try to mate: THEY DON’T DO ANYTHING! Of the few shows that I have been able to hate my through, there only seems to be three things that this family does: pretend to be human, buy shit, and bitch about the shit they bought. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! You have a bigillion dollars and the best things you can come up with are opening a clothing store and buying cars? FUCK!!! If I had that kind of money and a reality show I would be out there shooting chickens out of cannons and buying hookers every other night. For fuck sake, do something cool! I mean if the porn-star daughter and the fat one would get in a fist fight every episode I might actually watch once in a while.

I mean reality TV is meant to bring out the depraved and horrid behavior of those involved. These peoples’ inability to muster even decent conversation is a true testament to how meaningless and empty their lives must be. And these are the people that we have chosen as our delegates should some advanced alien race pick up our television transmission in space. Jesus!!! They blow up the entire planet just for that shit. Hopefully one of them will get cancer soon and we can have something interesting to watch on that God-forsaken show. If were lucky they will go on a family vacation on some sort of boat and the boat will sink in heavily shark infested waters. Until, then I will continue to hate every last one of them. Thank you.

-YoMama

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 4-27-08

Washington Post:

Grand Theft Auto Release set for 4-29-08 leaked to web late last week

ESPN.com:

Falcons Select Ryan, Pumpkin trying to stay positive

Magic, Jazz both go up 3-1; Hawks Beat Celtics, series at 2-1

Cupcakes.net:

Lars is still a Major Player in the Douche Bag Game

MSN.com:

Afghan President Karzai Survives Assassination Attempt

The Onion:

Badly Injured Man Not Done Partying Yet

Stoner Regales Friends with Tale of This One Bong he Saw in Iowa City Once (archive)

Iowa City Summer of the Arts:

Lineup for July 4 weekend Jazz Fest is a Juggernaut (MMW, Schofield, Redman)

Atheist soldier takes shit from Christians. Imagine that.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/26/atheist.soldier.ap/index.html

Known as “the atheist guy,” Hall has been called immoral, a devil worshipper and — just as severe to some soldiers — gay, none of which, he says, is true. Hall even drove fellow soldiers to church in Iraq and paused while they prayed before meals. “

It eventually came out in Iraq in 2007, when he was in a firefight. Hall was a gunner on a Humvee, which took several bullets in its protective shield. Afterward, his commander asked whether he believed in God, Hall said.

“I said, ‘No, but I believe in Plexiglas,”‘ Hall said. “I’ve never believed I was going to a happy place. You get one life. When I die, I’m worm food.”

The issue came to a head when, according to Hall, a superior officer, Maj. Freddy J. Welborn, threatened to bring charges against him for trying to hold a meeting of atheists in Iraq. Welborn has denied Hall’s allegations. “

Jeremy Hall: keep rockin’, Brobi Wan Kenobi.

As Dan Brown says, Christians love to act like they’re being oppressed by nearly everyone (it’s that damned Daniel in the lion’s den story and all that type of nonsense), but you should keep in mind the vast majority that they constitute–in this country, anyway.

Here’s a simple test for you determine the direction of the power flow: could there ever be an atheist president?

HELL NO.

I don’t know whether Hall was harassed or not. But I can tell you from personal experience that Christians do love to say the kinds of things that Hall alleges they did.

I hope Hall has some good evidence. One of moral of the story: when someone repeatedly gives you shit–record them.

Moral 2:

No one with Fort Riley, the Army or Defense Department would comment about Hall or the lawsuit. Each issued statements saying that discrimination will not be tolerated regardless of race, religion or gender.

“The department respects [and supports by its policy] the rights of others to their own religious beliefs, including the right to hold no beliefs,” said Eileen Lainez, a spokeswoman for the Department of Defense. “

Atheism is not lacking a belief. It is having the belief that God doesn’t exist.

Since when did Christians get a monopoly on the word, “belief”?

DAMN.

More to follow on this. I’m hungry and gotta go eat some wings.
-MC Spanky McGee

Janky drumming: part II

I’m nearly drunk, and I don’t give a fuck. It’s 2:08 in the mawnin’.

I’m not the world’s greatest drummer, but I’m kinda ok. I’ve played some decent gigs.

All I know is, this dude is rich. Only loaded dorks have that many doors around their drumset. However, his drums sound like they’re being blasted out of clock radio speakers. At any rate, Captain Robo-drummer is laying down some paradiddles before he forgets what he’s doing and lapses into some random drumbeats.

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ya2kJsNBavM[/youtube]

-MC Spanky McGee

“One… two.. three…” A lesson on triplets… kinda.

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-xcLaDxFxA&feature=related[/youtube]

This video is a hot mess. This dude might be stoned out of his mind. At any rate, this is called, “Triplet lick fill drum lesson.” The dude has a few chops going for him, but he can’t explain himself for shit.

If you’re super-fucking-bored, this might get you by for a minute.

If you’re about to do some internet porn, do that instead. I won’t shit you.

This shit is straight-up janky.

-MC Spanky McGee

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 4-25-08 part 2

Spanky beat me to the punch, so here is a second edition… oops

Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy:

Spanky would like to add this video on DoubleViking:
“Something is goin’ on, can I smell yo’ dick?”

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 4-25-2008

NEWS

Student ‘Twitters’ out of jail

Next time Spanky gets arrested, he’s going to Twitter it and hope that Grown Pumpkin shows up in a Warthog.

Lifehacker.com

RegToy Tweaks Your PC Every Which Way

sogoodblog.com

Obama’s Half-Eaten Sausage, Waffle, Put on ebay

ruthlessreviews.com

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL

Wow. A glowing review from Erich Schulte, an old pal of yours truly.

-MC Spanky McGee

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job: I Sit Down When I Pee

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job is probably the strangest show on American television. It is on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim and cracks me up to the point where I had to go get the Tim and Eric DVD when it came out Tuesday.

One of their bits on the show is a “Channel 5 Kids Break” that features a song called “I sit down when I pee”. This video is not only funny but is apparently the exact opposite of how Bro Taguchi goes potty at work. The cash line is “are you making iced tea?”.

If you have not seen the show, then you probably are missing Dewey Cox’s John C. Reilly do his character of Dr. Steve Brule and you need to get on that!.

People Search For Weird Stuff and Find Soupy Trumpet

In looking at the recent search terms used to find Soupy Trumpet I came to the realization that people are into some really weird stuff.  Below are a few of the search terms that found our wonderful home on the web just by typing in some search terms in Yahoo or Google. WTF?

  • is tay zonday a homosexual
  • master chief teabagging
  • funny fat people in sport
  • bangbros and football players
  • turquoise car
  • moose knuckle video
  • manpons
  • marky nude free
  • terrell owens porn photos
  • why does wendy’s carry the fish sandwich
  • crystal pepsi
  • a dude is someone who works on a ranch
  • fat ass
  • donnie wahlberg nude
  • “hormel” spam ghetto
  • shat himself
  • you have a dart in your neck man
  • mail real dog poop
  • fat
  • pretty guy
  • pepperidge farm croutons

Here is an image of just the last two days top terms – redonkulous

Soupy Trumpet Search Results

What is a “Neck Queef” and Terrell Owens and Bangbros keep getting blown up (even though he is now cropped out of the picture on their site).