Taguchi’s happiness is dependent upon the success of the St. Louis Cardinals, Denver Broncos and the Illinois basketball team (although he’s doing some soul-searching about whether college sports in general is even worth it).
Taguchi has a big ol’ head. It’s a dome. Once he was walking through New Orleans and someone took a picture of him.
When he’s not getting into snotty-nosed, lip-quivering arguments on Soupy Trumpet with Grown Pumpkin over the greatest player in the Cardinals’ history, he’s rockin’ out to Creed. He’s a little sad that it’s all over, but he continues to support this guy:
Taguchi’s taste in burritos is commendable. In fact, he’s an authority. He’d be happy to make a recommendation–or rather a command–for the best burrito action (in the midwest, at least).
In a year, Taguchi is gonna be another asshole lawyer.
29 Aug 2006 MC Spanky McGee
[...] As a connoisseur of t-shirts, I have to say that the Petrolcide shirt that Bro Taguchi gave me is pretty high up on my list. The best part is you get to live out the irony as you fill up when you’re wearing it. There’s nothing more American than “sucking at the teat”–filling up at the the gas station–which is the heart and soul of our economy. Too bad the price of gas is going down lately. That means my bling-status is dropping. Shit. Taguchi and I have speculated that in five years rappers will not wear diamonds, but instead will hang gas cans around their necks and brag about how much gas they have. That’s because the price of gas will be worth more than a “midget hangin’ from my necklace.” The only problem with the T shirt is that it does invoke the gas station scene in Zoolander. But maybe that’s not a problem, on second thought–because it’s actually the same idea. Just substitute yourself for Zoolander. Pick it up at http://www.bant-shirts.com/petrolcide-t-shirt.htm [...]
[...] Well, I think the Hawkeye fans are very tired and mildly embarrassed. We fluffed as hard as we could, and the “Giant Chub” (as Bro Taguchi calls it the essence of Hawkeye football spirit) rose into the sky, only to deflate fast when we got busted by Ohio State stroking it to the lingerie section of the Sears Catalog. Of course, we’re only mildly embarrassed because OSU is #1 and they as hell played like it (although some Hawks fans didn’t grasp this. Some girls behind my crew and me were whining, “Our defense sucks! Why can’t they stop Antonio Pittman?” We tried, “Because he’s mothafuckin’ Antonio Pittman, and he’s a badass,” but they didn’t understand. I won’t make a gender issue out of this, because I’m sure there were plenty of freshmen males pulling the same shit.) Downtown Iowa City last Saturday was populated by sad souls trying to make it all go away. [...]
[...] So last night I was out, and I heard that the Mets were whompin’ up on the Cardinals. Knowing that Bro Taguchi was not thrilled by this, I sent him a text message: [...]
[...] So I just got home and found this email from Bro Taguchi. He writes, “I said if the Birds won, I’d buy beer. It’s 4 PM. I’m going to sleep because I’ve been drinking for nearly a day. When I wake up, I’m going to buy a keg of beer. [Here Taguhci inserts this video] View This Video on You Tube [...]
[...] So, I was out at the bar last night, and the Cardinals won the damn World Series. That’s cool, bro–whatever. The main benefit to me is that Bro Taguchi will be in a better mood for a while. Maybe he’ll simmer down a bit. He’s been all wound up for a month or so. But I digress. Right after the Cards won, some douchebags in the bar yelled out “CUBS! GO CUBBIES!” I made a face like someone just called me a Republican. That’s pathetic. It looks to me like the Cubbies were in last place in the National League Central. If I were a Cubs fan, I’d keep my damn mouth shut at this point. Shit, I might even show a little respect. [...]
[...] At 5:24 into the track, Tool caps a long crescendo by unleasing total HELL. This is what makes the track into a work of metal capable of sending chills down your spine. Tool’s sense of production shines here, as the sound is completely full, round, and heavy. Kinda like Bro Taguchi. Danny Carey and Justin Chancellor pound it out, and it just might sound like war. DC’s toms explode left and right, until the whole damn thing grinds to some crazy syncopated pattern at 6:59 until it re-explodes in a monstrous fill at 7:06, carrying back into a steroid-pumped replica of the verse and then into the chorus. [...]
[...] Hell, maybe Taguchi will take you to Steak N Shake. [...]
[...] Obviously the goddamned phone is talking to you, the reader. When I first read it, I got excited and and started thinking about my zubbie (my zubra). Ok, back to the phone. I don’t about you, but Bro Taguchi and myself think of this shit: [...]
[...] CNN? Really? You’re telling me that Clooney and DeVito got drunk together? Hell, Bro Taguchi and I have been blasted a billion times and we didn’t get no stinking write-up. Now, we’re not movie stars. But if you’re going to write about movie stars in your “Entertainment section” tell us something we don’t know. That’s all you got? That is weak tea. Goddamnit! [...]