Grown Pumpkin likes to play air hockey at the YMCA. He also loves the corn dogs at their snack counter (unless the Y has splurged on a ve-ge-ta-ble tray with lots of celery and carrots).
His favorite rapper is Snow.
His favorite rock band is Nickelback.
His favorite movie is “Solo,” starring Mario Van Peebles.
His favorite teams are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, St. Louis Rams, New York Mets, and the Iowa Hawkeyes. He really likes NCAA football. (Bullshit. He just doesn’t get it. –Spanky) (rrrrrriiiiiiiiight…as if Hawkeye football is quantum mechanics…something you “get” or “don’t get”…how the hell can you “not get” a bunch of obnoxious white folks getting their asses kicked by Michigan and OSU? Oh, I see…if you aren’t one of The Chosen, then you don’t “get it” –Tagooch). His favorite athletes are J.D. Drew and Tom Glavine…and also Jim Edmonds for his web gems. His favorite coaches are Jon Gruden, Bill Parcells, Tony LaRussa and Bobby Valentine.
His favorite item at McD’s is a Happy Meal. (Usually he orders two).
His favorite pastime consists of trying to hatch moneymaking plots on Myspace that violate federal copyright laws.
Other than that, Pumpkin digs on puppies, rainbows, and Lisa Frank folders. He still uses a Trapper Keeper to hold all his drarrings. In 1984, he was best known as “that little fat kid at the Fun Fair.”
Spanks says: Ya been clowned. (read: maybe 2% of this profile is legit, like the part about the Fun Fair, but Punkin won’t upgrade so we do it for him –Tagooch)
29 Aug 2006 MC Spanky McGee
[...] What the fuck? Hummer must be in trouble. I thought the point was to make everything bigger. Did someone kidnap the Hummer execs and put evil clones in their places? We can’t go midsize! That’s contrary to the Hummer spirit. Where am I going to out my 32 gallon cup of Coke from McDonald’s? Where does my quadruple quarterpounder fit? What about my husky kids when I take them to soccer practice (that they’re going to quit after 3 weeks)? Better yet–what if I want to take Pumpkin somewhere when he wants a fruit smoothie? Are the folks at Hummer collectively drunk? I know what it is–Hummer is just not American anymore. Maybe they should go someplace where they like smaller things. -El Spanko Gordo [...]
[...] Look, I downloaded the piece of shit known as “iTunes 7″ last Friday afternoon just before I had a bash to celebrate Iowa’s ass-kicking of Iowa State. (BTW: I wonder is Rashawn Parker is going to come back to football after taking that monster hit from Marshal Yanda). iTunes 7 is slow. Slower than Pumpkin in a race for some donut holes. iTunes 7 stutters, coughs, and does anything but play my Billy Idol songs smoothly when I need them. I’m a man who takes his parties seriously, so needless to say, I was not thrilled that my music was not working. So, I dumped that shit and then reinstalled 6–twice, since 7 messed up my registry. [...]
[...] Well, Purdue is at Kinnick tomorrow. I imagine that once we lock the door and pull out the vaseline, the Chub will rise. But for tonight, I get the feeling that we’re a little scared to touch it. The Sears Catalog is hidden under the bottom drawer of the desk. Pumpkin will feel very smug as he reads this. But upsets do happen in college football, and Pumpkin knows this (or chooses to ignore it). I think most Hawkeye fans knew what was on their doorstep, but we were having too much fun with the lingerie section. We kept fluffing. I can hear the marching band practicing still at 7:03. They’re unzipping the pants right now…. [...]
[...] 10. Enjoy some pizza rolls. The whole bag. Follow up with choco ice cream. 9. Go over to Grown Pumpkin’s and play some Madden. Run the quarterback sneak against his Falcons until he throws the controller against the wall. 8. Put on Dark Side of the Moon and just “zone out.” [...]
[...] The banana question to the creationist is awesome. I think Ali G and Grown Pumpkin might be twins, kinda like Arnold is to Danny DeVito. View This Video on You Tube [...]
[...] Man, I feel like Pumpkin, Taguchi and I all missed out some kickass husk-it-up party, because a bunch of dudes have been gettin’ their husk on. [...]
[...] What is extra-sugary is that National Geographic is in the middle of story about these strange objects in our solar system, and one of the things they highlight is how we could plunder that shit for oil. (Man, I hope there are some life forms on Titan that we can screw over. We have the God-given right to any oil in the solar system.) That’s like talking about a quadratic equation in a math book and then telling the reader that you could apply it to some chicken strips. Sure, Grown Pumpkin thinks about chicken strips a lot, but do you really have to torture the lil’ guy when he’s trying to do his math homework? How can I focus on the pretty pretty rings of Saturn when I start daydreaming about going to the gas station? - [...]
[...] P.S. If you don’t like my photoshopping, beg Grown Pumpkin to come out of his cave. He’s supposedly a pro. I know I suck at it. Like you care. Bwaaaah! [...]
[...] We are bombarded by all the advertising to get us to spend, spend, spend. I still feel that fucking urge to spend. And I see shit I want, and I think, “I could use that. It’d be awesome if my pops bought me that for xmas.” Maybe it’s the case that I know xmas is coming up, and so I think, “Hey, it’s the time I usually get stuff. Let me see what stuff I can conjure up.” I don’t need that shit. People in Baghdad probably don’t care about having a Wii–they just don’t want to be blown up randomly. Yes–I just pulled a “It could be worse…” I think that I’m in some sort of netherworld. (Dorky word: “netherworld.”) I feel sickened by all the manipulation of advertising. I don’t want a commercial to turn me into the zombie it wants me to be. But then again, I admire its genius when it works. It gives us the fun shit: cars, Nintendos, computers, Sprite, The Wiggles, DVDs, Grown Pumpkin’s neon-green undercarriage lights (his “ground effects”), etc. But this just means that advertising has done its work on me. Think of all the commercials you watched when you were a child. I imagine their effect is ongoing and accumulating. As Zack once said: “What does the billboard say? “Come and play… come and play… forget about the movement…” [...]