The rise and fall of “U mad, bro?”

I think it was about a year ago that I first started seeing “You mad bro?” getting used on Xbox Live with any regularity. It has been around for a while–this is true–but it only really blew up recently. Its bastard little brother, “Cool story, bro” has now achieved the same status.

“U mad bro?” is now everywhere: gamertags, clan tags (“UMAD”), and on t-shirts and hoodies. Take a look at this numbnuts, | Mr Nyce | , who’s posing on Facebook in his “Cool story, bro” hoodie:

Timmy Nyce

| Mr Nyce | in his "Cool story bro" hoodie.

“U mad bro?” is effective partly because there are so many gamers who really are mad. But it’s also because ”U mad bro?” is so easy to remember. After all, why bother putting time and effort into a really clever and biting insult when you can just pop out a “U mad bro?”

However, “U mad bro?” has taken a turn for the worse. I’ve run into dolts that toss a “U mad bro?” when they lost the game. You’d think that “U mad bro?” is reserved for winners only. Not so, anymore, my fine gaming friends. Now any loser can use it. Did you just go 4 and 13 on Countdown in Halo: Reach? Is your KDR on Black Ops .83? Did you blow what would’ve been the winning snipe shot? Just remember, when the other team sends you a message ripping on your miserable failure, just poop out a “U mad bro?”, even if it makes no fucking sense to do so. That would be kinda like this:

u mad bro

In other words, “U mad bro?” has overstayed its welcome. It’s old. It’s brokedown, just like your DMR.

Oh, I know what some of you are thinking. “U mad about ‘U mad bro?’ bro?” Or you might say, “Only scrubs would hear ”U mad bro?” so often.”

Aren’t you clever? You’re going to meta-bro me? You can jam your attempt to congratulate yourself on our blog right up your ass. 1. We’ve never heard of you, bro, so don’t act like you’re good. (You’re gonna sign in under a pseudonym, anyway, you pussy.) 2. You know that “U mad bro?” has been watered down into absolute donkeypiss, and 3. You are now part of the problem, not the solution.

So am I mad? Yeah–I’m not thrilled that so many gamers have become so stupid that they cannot even use “U mad bro?” in the correct context. This is an indication that the quality of shittalk has gone down–not up. And that should piss off any self-respecting thinking gamer.

Das Burrito Doctor has spoken.



I ain’t goin’ nowhere.

Hurricane Irene (credit: NASA)

Hurricane Irene (credit: NASA)

CNN is reporting about Hurricane Irene and President Obama’s response to it. It never  ceases to amaze me how stubborn people are. “Jesus will pull me through this storm.” Uh huh. Have you stopped to think about all the turkeys in the entire history of storms who said that and then found themselves two days later begging for divine mercy as the waves kept crashing down on their balsa wood shack?

Or what about these guys:

Charles Carawan [of North Carolina] said he planned to stay, along with his wife, son and $500,000 worth of crab stored at his seafood packaging business.

“I have nowhere else to go,” Carawan said.


You have “nowhere else to go”? Come on, homey. If you can afford $500,000 of crab, surely you can afford a Motel 6 in the middle of Indiana–which is, as far as I can tell, safe from the hurricane. (Although you might get attacked by Republican zombies there. Just buy a shotgun when you get there. I assure–there are plenty of those in Indiana.) Or is this just a failure of imagination: “You mean there are other places, besides North Carolina?”

Ok, I’m betting Carawan just wants to protect that crab shipment. Fine, dude. Try to hole your ass up in your little castle. Just don’t come crying to us when the crabs float back out to sea and Junior Carawan is trying to make a raft out of them.

The real question will be whether Obama will handle this any better than the way that Bush handled Katrina. Since a deformed monkey hopped up on crystal meth and pixie sticks could do a better job than Bush did, I think Obama will be ok.