Griff’s New Favorite Website

I just found this site and felt I had to share: Pee Your Pants For The Brewers. Nearly 7000 Brewers fans have pledged to piss their pants if and when the Crew should ever make the playoffs. I realize that this is kind of gross, but I’m pretty sure that if the Brewers ever do clinch a playoff spot, I will do a number 1 (and likely a number 2) in my Lederhosen, regardless of any pledge, so I might as well get on board. And with all the PBR and MGD flowing at Miller Park, Derry’s Pub, and elsewhere Brewers fans are to be found, I’m pretty sure most Milwaukee fans are ipso facto on board.

The site is a great trip down memory lane for Brewers fans like myself. (Not just because we started going to County Stadium before being fully potty trained.) Pledgers list their favorite Brewers, and you see some great and obscure blasts from the past, including: Rob Deer (my old favorite), John Jaha, Mike Fetters, Ricky Bones, Pat Listach, Chuck Crim, Greg Brock, and Billy Jo Robidoux…among others.

Make sure to also check out the Methods page. One of my favorites is the “Borrow a Baby” strategy:  Find a baby to borrow.  While holding said baby pee your pants and then yell out “Oh he got me. The little bugger got me good. Who’s child is this?!”  Bonus points if you can get the parent to buy you a “sorry my kid peed on you” beer.

Of course, it doesn’t look like Griff will be peeing her pants any time soon. (The Brewers just fell behind the Pirates in a tie for last in the NL Central, and Carlos Villanueva just walked in a run. My pants have never been drier.) But in the meantime, she can at least train (except her training will be with a PBR in hand):

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzmsbIfwQhc[/youtube]

New York Yankee Jason Giambi Shares Lucky Thong

Jason Giambi lucky thong

New York Yankee Jason Giambi has a lucky thong.  That thong is gold.  He wears the man thong for luck when he is down.  He has shared the thong with Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon among other professional baseball players.  Everyone has taken notice.  Mike Mussina put a sign on his locker that says “pitchers need thongs too”.  Sadly the thong may have lost its magic touch as Jason Giambi is hitting below the Mendoza Line.  That does not keep Jason from bringing that thong along just like he did when doing poorly for the Oakland A’s and presumably when he was in front of the grand jury for the Balco steroid case a few years ago.

That is the baseball / man thong  equivalent of See Spot Run.

Photoshopped Man Babies, I love It

I found the site ManBabies.com the other day.  The sole purpose of that site is to photoshop a baby’s head on a grown up body and a grown up head on a baby body – also known as a Man Baby.  We will likely be playing along here as well.  Here is our first go at it.  ManBabies.com holla at us!

Photoshopped Man Baby 01

Get Pubic Lice in the Mail Not Just From Dirty Girls

Mailorder Pubic Lice

There is a website called LoveBugz.net that apparently sends pubic lice to you via mail if you send them your address and a dollar. “Bug Girl” called the dude’s bluff and “Bugger” responded by sending her a package (by way of a reporter). The photos she took are pretty funny since you can see the hair off the dude’s ball bag and the jank instructions (highlighted above).

It is relieving to know that you can lice the same way you can get dog poop – sent right to your home. Before you needed to brush up with one of Rob & Big‘s Dirty Girls to get crabs and STD’s.

Bobby Light – Dirty Girl
[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-Rv4gztdRw[/youtube]

From the FAQ:

If you’re a pretty girly in the metro area and you wanna get polinated, then email me and maybe we can get together.

They gotta have someplace to live. Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, lice gotta orbit uranus. Like the saying goes, one in the bush is better than none in the hand.

Americans Find Child Touching to be Wrong, the Dutch Make it a Performance

VH1 Best Week Ever found and posted a video (previously found by videogum.com in their “that’s your boyfriend” series) that accomplishes one of two things:

  1. The United States of America are very different as a cultural and censor things, or look down on things, that should be considered artistic. aka Loosen Up U.S.A, this video is weird to only YOU!
  2. Any culture, person, group, entity, douchebag, etc. that finds this video mildly entertaining, sexual, funny, cute, or anything other than absolutely disturbing has SERIOUS issues.

The video is of a Dutch entertainer named Paul de Leeuw (looks like Andy Richter) serenading a young boy on a stage. Then he starts kissing and licking the kid and it turns into a really weird pedophile sodomizing piece. VH1 prefaces the video like this:

WARNING: The video you are about to watch is easily one of the most disturbing, chill-inducing thing you will ever see, 2 Girls 1 Cup included. It is the essence oil of nightmares. You have been alerted.

So don’t watch this video… but at least read the awesome comments taken from a different Paul de Leeuw video found on YouTube screencapped below.

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NnSMtlWZwc[/youtube]

Paul de Leeuw YouTube comments

I don’t get it.  Maybe it is “perfectly normal”.  I don’t know anything of the guy, but it sure is weird to me.

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 4-25-08 part 2

Spanky beat me to the punch, so here is a second edition… oops

Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy:

Spanky would like to add this video on DoubleViking:
“Something is goin’ on, can I smell yo’ dick?”

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job: I Sit Down When I Pee

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job is probably the strangest show on American television. It is on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim and cracks me up to the point where I had to go get the Tim and Eric DVD when it came out Tuesday.

One of their bits on the show is a “Channel 5 Kids Break” that features a song called “I sit down when I pee”. This video is not only funny but is apparently the exact opposite of how Bro Taguchi goes potty at work. The cash line is “are you making iced tea?”.

If you have not seen the show, then you probably are missing Dewey Cox’s John C. Reilly do his character of Dr. Steve Brule and you need to get on that!.

People Search For Weird Stuff and Find Soupy Trumpet

In looking at the recent search terms used to find Soupy Trumpet I came to the realization that people are into some really weird stuff.  Below are a few of the search terms that found our wonderful home on the web just by typing in some search terms in Yahoo or Google. WTF?

  • is tay zonday a homosexual
  • master chief teabagging
  • funny fat people in sport
  • bangbros and football players
  • turquoise car
  • moose knuckle video
  • manpons
  • marky nude free
  • terrell owens porn photos
  • why does wendy’s carry the fish sandwich
  • crystal pepsi
  • a dude is someone who works on a ranch
  • fat ass
  • donnie wahlberg nude
  • “hormel” spam ghetto
  • shat himself
  • you have a dart in your neck man
  • mail real dog poop
  • fat
  • pretty guy
  • pepperidge farm croutons

Here is an image of just the last two days top terms – redonkulous

Soupy Trumpet Search Results

What is a “Neck Queef” and Terrell Owens and Bangbros keep getting blown up (even though he is now cropped out of the picture on their site).

Taguchi’s Guide to the Shared Office Bathroom (Part 1)

I’ve been busy and a little off the radar lately, but I have to squeeze this one in. My office shares a private bathroom with a couple other floors in our building. I would estimate that there are approximately 30-50 men on 2-3 floors who share this bathroom (with 3 stools and urinal). It requires a push-button code to get in so it’s not open to the public (as if the fact that it’s on the 7th floor of an office building isn’t good enough).

I’ve only had this job for 4 months, but I have literally dozens of bathroom stories…but the greatest of all took place today. Most folks understand the value of having a private toilet experience. I knew a guy in college who bucked this trend and would go throughout our fraternity house looking for someone to go double-barrel in our 2-stall main bathroom. He referred to this as a “power shit,” but I digress.

I had worked out a system to avoid too many embarrassing moments in the can. For example, you don’t want people knowing that it was you who bombed the place out or made those disgusting movements, noises or releases while they were sharing your jon space (I know, it’s absurd…that’s where you go to do those things). I usually run up there when I know I’m good and ready to go. I keep it short, flush twice and clean up the aftermath quickly. Then I go to the urinal (don’t like to go sitting down), wash up and roll out. I can do all of this in about 2 minutes. If someone else happens to join me while I’m getting it done, so be it. I can’t control everything. There will be times that you are either on the giving or receiving end of a total missile launch in passing, and that’s unavoidable. But, still, I like to get in and out and try to keep it respectable. If it’s going to be nuclear, I wait til I get home (for lunch or end of day).

I realized today that I’ve got it all wrong. This afternoon I rolled into said work station to handle a simple numero uno and immediately noticed feet beneath the door at the end of the row of 4 stalls. I took note and went to do my thing with the attitude of “too bad…I interrupted that guy’s private moment…sucks for him.” Within 4-6 seconds of my entry, I heard the loudest, most reverberating series of 3 whole note toilet farts I had ever experienced. It sounded like Adam Jones’ guitar (which to me sounds like a plane taking off). The impact rattled my cage and probably blurred my vision for a moment. I mean these things modulated, starting at a distinct bass clef pitch, then down a half-step, then back up. And that’s when it hit me…suddenly I realized that I was the one who had been put on the defensive. I found myself racing to get outta there. No way did I want to encounter the monster with the black loafers behind that stall door…and I sure as hell wasn’t going to wait for the smell to waft it’s way over. I finished up, washed hands and bolted. This guy earned his moment of solitude.  I can’t even try to steal his material, it was so good…and trust me, he HAD TO KNOW I was there.

Here’s to you, Mr. Blackloafers…I will NEVER forget you.