Don’t Do Work in Your Pants Son, Try Big Black’s Manpons

Christopher “Big Black” Boykin and his buddy Rob Dyrdek aka Rob & Big are definitive hall of famers at Soupy Trumpet, just about everything they do is funny to us. Now we want to share with you the commercial for Big Black’s Manpons. This commercial is hilarious and even has a nice little jingle (probably another “Drama Beat” like Dirty Girl by Bobby Light). You can watch the full Big Black Manpon episode at MTV.com for free and see why this product MUST hit the market.

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZo0dQlAgD8&feature=related[/youtube]

Transcript: (pretty funny to read too)

Announcer: The following program is brought to you by Manpon. Manpon – It keeps the mud out.

Big Black: Hi. I’m Big Black from MTV’s Rob & Big and I am here to talk about a growing problem that doesn’t get enough attention – doodoo comin’ out of your butt when you don’t want it to. Well that’s all behind us. Thanks to my new Big Black Manpon. It’s pretty much just a wad of toilet paper you shove in your butt to keep the mud from coming out. But unlike regular toilet paper, it comes with my personal guarantee stamped right on the box. Don’t do work in your pants son! Try Big Black Manpons.

Jingle: If you’re walkin’ around with mudbutt, use Big Black Manpons, it’ll clean it up.

Announcer: For your protection.

Spanky’s review of Taco Bell’s Fiesta Platter and Wendy’s premium fish sandwich

1. This last weekend I had Taco Bell’s Fiesta Platter. I had the grilled steak stuft burrito version. The burrito is pretty solid–it’s big enough to get you feeling warm and round. The most surprising positive aspect of this platter is the salsa, which is chunky. I didn’t know Taco Bell could get chunky, since most of their sauces are runny. The only problem was that they didn’t give me enough of it. I don’t like naked tortilla chips. I guess I could have asked the manager for more salsa.

The rice is fairly standard. The beans are topped off with that weird Taco Bell sauce that they put on the enchirito (one of my favorite under-the-radar items at ol’ TB).

Beyond that, the Fiesta Platter is just a new arrangement of old materials. But I’m on to you, Taco Bell. I know that it is the Platter’s big black tray that really hypnotizes us: “WHOA! This platter is flippin’ HUUUUUGE, Kip!” After you are done with your meal, you will marvel at the size of this pontoon boat that held your sloppy ploppy mix.

Overall verdict: you’re better off mixing and matching like you normally do at Taco Bell.

(Below, Master Chief wishes he could fight in a sea of hot sauce in the Fiesta PT boat)

taco bell fiesta platter master chief

2. Wendy’s “premium” fish sandwich. I don’t see what’s so premium about it. It’s decent, it filled me up, but it’s kinda blah. The fish itself was good and had a uniform taste–there weren’t any weird chunks in it, and it didn’t taste mashed or processed.

If you’re going to try this fish-thingy, you might add some toppings to it, but I don’t really know what you could add to a fish sandwich that would really make it rock. I’d love to see suggestions for pimping your fish sandwich in the comments.

-MC Spanky McGee

P.S. While you’re here, check out http://soupytrumpet.com/2006/11/15/kfc-for-aliens/

Fed up…with those cinder block buyers

cementblockad.jpg

It makes me wonder about the evolution of something like this.  Did he set out to write a profane ad…or did he slowly spiral into a cycle of cynicism and rage?  The “engineering study” material is golden.

http://www.urbanswirl.com/humor/this-was-a-craigslist-cinder-block-ad—very-funny.html

Random Image: Fat Guy Photoshopped in Car

This is NOT the work of Pumpkin Dali, just something found on the net. It’s exactly as it appears: a fat/husky guy photoshopped into a Mini Cooper.  I thought it was pretty funny and janky at the same time (Bonus points for being husky).

That is all.

Fat Guy Photoshopped in Car

original location of image: http://www.scangwinnett.com/modules.php?name=Forums&file=viewtopic&t=12619&start=15

Have Dog Poop Delivered

Dog Poo Delivered

Friend of The Trumpet RyGuy was telling old Spanks and me about a website he heard about from one of his college textbooks (wtf?) where you can buy dog poop (dung, doo doo, feces, waste, crap, etc.) and have it sent to someone as a gift or as a prank. I did not doubt him but had to see for myself and sure enough DogDoo.com lives up to the billing. It even had the various types you can order that we were told about; “Econo“, “Grande“, “Special“, and the “Poo Poo Platter”. You can also accessorize up with mugs and t-shirts. I at first felt a bit off about posting on this but when I saw they had been mentioned in Maxim and Time magazines, I quickly got over that and fired up photoshop. There are a few other sites offering a similar service and that makes me wonder whether or not my new dog Mudbutt and I should start our own operation… I mean I could be throwing away money… DogDoo is getting $14-$29 a loaf.

update: According to Trump reader Greg, this is a”realistic novelty” and not the real deal. He says there was a company selling the real deal and they got shut down. Spanky says we should go ahead with opening up our own… agree especially now. el oh el.

Rob & Big Black Supported by The Trump

RobandBig

DO WORK!!!

I’m like Justin Timberlake in many ways, one of them is in the fact that I want to see more videos played on MTV. That being said, I would gladly give up ALL videos if they would ONLY play (good) episodes of Jackass, Viva La Bam, Remote Control, Adventures in Hollyhood, Liquid Television, and Rob & Big.

I just purchased the first two seasons of Rob & Big on DVD and watched the first of the two straight through. I have to point out that this show is not new, I am not ahead of the game for pointing this out, and in fact The Trump may be reporting “yesterday’s news” on how cash this show really is. In addition I will throw Spanky under the bus and say that is not aware of this show…further more I would bet the Pumpkin Patch that Big Head Taguchi has no idea either.

To summarize this show for my older colleagues and uninformed readers; it is a reality show that is centered around professional skate boarder Rob Dyrdek and his hired bodyguard Christopher “Big Black” Boykin. These two visually opposite people live together in an awesome house (“3 Layers of Heaven”) and get into shenanigans on every episode.

I want to make a partial list of items that can mostly be seen in season 1 that have warranted them FULL Trump endorsement without discussion. If you have seen these items you will understand, if not, get on it.

  • Manpon -
    Rob told Big Black to go “Drop Ham” (putt his huge butt on a face) on Rob’s cousin Drama, when he did that you could see his manpon… he then took it out and showed the skid mark.“Its like a napkin folded together so if cough or sneeze and a little run comes out it hits that manpon.”

    “I got mud butt son. I was scared if I farted I would shit on myself. I had 40 hot wings last night so I had to manpon it up son.” – Big Black

  • 416 lbsBig Black was so big they had to way him at the recycling center. He went on a diet and exercised for a couple of weeks and didn’t lose a single pound…he weighed 416 lbs before and after his diet

    “I’m about 375-380…I’m light… quick like a gazelle”

  • Dog Named”Meaty” with a broken anal gland and that swallows chicken bones whole
  • Big Black & Bam Bam’s rapgroup The Chunky Boys
  • Mini-Horse named”Mini” that has “dusty poos”

image source : The Phoenix

Spanky’s Halo 3 playa hate of the day 1/18/2008

Today’s busters are JamaicanKillah and W1CK3D SN1P3Rv.

Pumpkin and I ran into these clowns on 1/17/2008. Yes, we lost to these turds, and they talked shit to us after the game, with W1CK3D SN1P3Rv shattering our eardrums with a prepubescent voice that sounded awfully close to the pitch of a dogwhistle. I’m sure his stepmom’s bastard corgi hates him. Pumpkin asked W1CK3D SN1P3Rv, “What are you–12?” His comeback was, “No, I’m 13.”

Look, bro, spend some time working on your cracks. That shit is weak tea. At least say, “Scoreboard” or something like that.
We ran into them again today, and we lost to them by four. I asked W1CK3D SN1P3Rv if he’s still twelve. He replied, “Why don’t you guys get some girls?”

W1CK3D SN1P3Rv, it feels like warm apple pie. Warm apple pie.

My retort: “Get some pubes.” I’m sure you’ll discover your stepmom’s Victoria’s Secret catalogue soon enough. Gotta crawl before you…

I hate losing to little mark-ass bustas, but hearing how diluted their insults were made my day.

-Spanks

PS. I really hate gamers with “sniper” embedded in their gamertags. How fucking stupid! “Silent sniper12.” “Deadly sniper17.” “Douchesniper69.” Grab the rockets and blast these unimaginative wannabe-teabaggers off the board….

It smells THAT bad?

http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory?id=2703336&CMP=OTC-RSSFeeds0312

A woman rips a fart on a plane, and then she tries to cover it up by burning some matches. I knew the onions at Taco Bell were bad, but damn. Look, you’re on a plane, and unless you made noise with your ass, more than likely you will not be spotted as the culprit. You act like nothing happened, and everyone will be suspect at the same time. But this is neither here nor there.

Even if you are found out–what’s more embarrassing–being a stinky farter or delaying everyone else’s flight because you lit some matches?

The TP Sneak

It always cracks me up how some bathrooms just work out such that the toilet paper stockpile is outside the bathroom. This means that you’ve got to be on your toes, thinking ahead. You calculate: “This feels like a pretty big one, hmmm, there’s 1/4 of the roll left. Should be safe.” So you gamble and then you end up with a shotgun blast out the ass–”Ahem, clean up on aisle 2“– that requires at least another half a roll to mop up. As you frantically look for the emergency roll, you realize that’s it’s outside in the hall closet. This is where things get really interesting.

Now if you there’s no roommate or family at home, you probably just waddle out with your pants at your ankles to seize the TP like some deranged Napoleon, and then life is good. But if there’s a danger you might get spotted, this is the fun part. Now you pull up the pants, being ever so careful to set up your boxers or whatever so they don’t work themselves into your poop-moat. So then you clinch, which brings about a funky sensation that takes you way back in the day to your Huggies days. Then you speed-waddle out to the closet and hope that someone isn’t there to do the math: (speed waddle) plus (new roll of toilet paper) plus (reentry into bathroom) = you have fudge-ditch!

My reader might feel smug. “Well, Spanky, you’re an idiot. My TP is always stocked within the bathroom. I don’t have to speed-waddle.” Don’t get cocky. Every now and then the TP Sneak will happen in a public place, because you’ve sprinted into the stall to disarm the diarrhea time-bomb and you didn’t stop to see that the two giants rolls are empty. Then your hearing comes into play. “Ok, I think I heard phlegmy-coughy old dude leave after his 5-minute piss, but did two guys come in after that or just one?” And then you have to stall hop–thus the TP Sneak.

So, friends, be careful. Have a razor-sharp intellect. Stock your TP ahead of time, and beware of the fudge-ditch.