(Original pic here.)

Florida, Michigan Dems make their cases

Members of a Democratic rules committee voted on Saturday to seat all of Florida’s and Michigan’s delegation to the party’s national convention and give their delegates a half vote each. “

Half a vote is half a vote too much.

I’ll say it again and again. I don’t care: those states got their voices heard when they voted to elect the turkeys that decided to try to cheat and to move up their voting.

They weren’t disenfranchised. We heard them cheating.

“Winners don’t cheat and cheaters don’t win.” -Sydney Fartknocker

-MC Spanky McGee

I cannot believe what I just read. This shit is almost too crazy to summarize, so you’ve really got to read it for yourself. Some of it is so absurd it made me laugh out loud in a room full of people who have no idea what I was reading. But some of it really made me worry about these vote-wielding crazies - especially those who promote casting out the “demons” of such things as the intellect, philosophy, and…handwriting analysis.

Jesus Made Me Puke: Matt Taibbi Undercover with the Christian Right

Some highlights:

[B]y my third day I began to notice how effortlessly my soft-spoken [Christian alter-ego] Matt-mannequin was going through his robotic motions of praise, and I was shocked. For a brief, fleeting moment I could see how under different circumstances it would be easy enough to bury your “sinful” self far under the skin of your outer Christian and to just travel through life this way. So long as you go through all the motions, no one will care who you really are underneath. And besides, so long as you are going through all the motions, never breaking the facade, who are you really? It was an incomplete thought, but it was a scary one; it was the very first time I worried that the experience of entering this world might prove to be anything more than an unusually tiring assignment. I feared for my normal. ….

By the end of the weekend I realized how quaint was the mere suggestion that Christians of this type should learn to “be rational” or “set aside your religion” about such things as the Iraq War or other policy matters. Once you’ve made a journey like this — once you’ve gone this far — you are beyond suggestible. … [O]nce you’ve gotten to this place, you’ve left behind the mental process that a person would need to form an independent opinion about such things. … Once you reach that place with them, you’re thinking with muscles, not neurons.

This isn’t Christianity. This is a form of pop-pyschological brainwashing combined with a vague grasp of mythology. And it’s fucking scary.

Hillary supports a gas tax holiday (wherein the federal government would suspend its 18.4-cent per gallon tax for a few months). She decided to start pumping this idea a couple weeks after John McCain started pumping the idea. Obama opposes the gas tax holiday. Here’s why (in short, because it won’t work). The two sides have gone back and forth now, with Obama issuing a recent ad in North Carolina dissing the holiday idea.

I’m not arguing merits. I’m more concerned about what Howard Wolfson said regarding Senator Obama’s opposition to the idea:

“That’s a critical distinction in this race between, in Senator Clinton, someone who understands the pain that middle class and working class families are feeling…and Senator Obama, somebody who just doesn’t seem to understand that middle class families are hurting, working class families are hurting and that they need relief,” Clinton Communications Director Howard Wolfson said.

Actually, Howard, the distinction is that Camp Clinton only wants to talk about the symptoms. The remedy is bunk, no matter how you slice it. A three-month suspension of the gas tax will do nothing but advance America’s debt, even if it does help keep Americans pumped full of nicotine and Nikes, and rob billions of dollars from federal highway development. That means workers and suppliers with no work to do. The holiday a classic political kiss-up to the voting masses. It’s a horrible solution. Does it remind you of any other recent political band-aids (to take your mind off the fact that a $500 billion war is sucking your economy dry)? It takes absolutely no economic or political expertise to know that these are ridiculous initiatives that will only cost more in the end.

Hill also busts BO’s chops with a last-minute Indiana TV ad including the following nugget:

“(Obama) is attacking Hillary’s plan to give you a break on gas prices because he doesn’t have one,”

He also doesn’t have a plan to invade Canada. Ergo, he won’t be ready at 3 AM because he’ll be too busy being a Muslim and plagiarizing Reverend Wright’s book on how to be an elitist. This crap is so knuckleheaded it couldn’t even fool this dude:

…right? Please…tell me they won’t fall for this. We just need enough people to point out what it really is. We are reaching a breaking point. It STILL may not be this week…but it’s coming.

Ralph:
http://image.vmixcore.com/85/285/25/4719080/104/85/47/3a0c0953e74086074c2d5536f12911ee.jpg

See? She believes in Baby Jesus, much more than she does in educated experts:

Clinton used her appearance on ABC’s “This Week” to raise questions about Obama’s ability to connect with working-class Americans while dismissing economists who have said her plan to suspend gas taxes over the summer would do little good.

“I’m not going to put my lot in with economists,” the New York senator said when asked to name a credible economist who supported her proposal.

“We’ve got to get out of this mind-set where somehow elite opinion is always on the side of doing things that really disadvantage the vast majority of Americans,” said Clinton, a former first lady who would be the first woman president. “

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080504/pl_nm/usa_politics_dc_5

What the hell is she saying?

1. “If the economists contradict me, dump them.” That’s stupid as hell. What’s more likely: that a whole horde of people–who spend most of their time analyzing the economy–are right, or Hillary is right? How many times do you think this nutjob has already appealed to the wisdom of the economists in the course of her campaign and her husband’s presidency? I’m betting it has been often.

2. She’s pushing the “elite” thing again. Of course, that’s aimed at Obama. What a crock. What a hypocrite she is!!!

-MC Spanky McGee

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/26/atheist.soldier.ap/index.html

Known as “the atheist guy,” Hall has been called immoral, a devil worshipper and — just as severe to some soldiers — gay, none of which, he says, is true. Hall even drove fellow soldiers to church in Iraq and paused while they prayed before meals. “

It eventually came out in Iraq in 2007, when he was in a firefight. Hall was a gunner on a Humvee, which took several bullets in its protective shield. Afterward, his commander asked whether he believed in God, Hall said.

“I said, ‘No, but I believe in Plexiglas,”‘ Hall said. “I’ve never believed I was going to a happy place. You get one life. When I die, I’m worm food.”

The issue came to a head when, according to Hall, a superior officer, Maj. Freddy J. Welborn, threatened to bring charges against him for trying to hold a meeting of atheists in Iraq. Welborn has denied Hall’s allegations. “

Jeremy Hall: keep rockin’, Brobi Wan Kenobi.

As Dan Brown says, Christians love to act like they’re being oppressed by nearly everyone (it’s that damned Daniel in the lion’s den story and all that type of nonsense), but you should keep in mind the vast majority that they constitute–in this country, anyway.

Here’s a simple test for you determine the direction of the power flow: could there ever be an atheist president?

HELL NO.

I don’t know whether Hall was harassed or not. But I can tell you from personal experience that Christians do love to say the kinds of things that Hall alleges they did.

I hope Hall has some good evidence. One of moral of the story: when someone repeatedly gives you shit–record them.

Moral 2:

No one with Fort Riley, the Army or Defense Department would comment about Hall or the lawsuit. Each issued statements saying that discrimination will not be tolerated regardless of race, religion or gender.

“The department respects [and supports by its policy] the rights of others to their own religious beliefs, including the right to hold no beliefs,” said Eileen Lainez, a spokeswoman for the Department of Defense. “

Atheism is not lacking a belief. It is having the belief that God doesn’t exist.

Since when did Christians get a monopoly on the word, “belief”?

DAMN.

More to follow on this. I’m hungry and gotta go eat some wings.
-MC Spanky McGee

Spanky beat me to the punch, so here is a second edition… oops

Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy:

• Cracked.com lists 8 pointless rules comic book movies follow
• Girls Gone Wild (GGW) Gone Wrong video (SFW) by National Banana at GooglyFoogly.com
• Adam Pacman Jones was traded to the Cowboys - Best Title EVER for an Article is this one
• The Richard Gere Gerbil has its own MySpace page, click around their top friends
• Double Viking shows a dude in Japan getting caught on camera vandalizing tulips - breaking news!
• Adolf Hitler’s “Mein Kampfy Chair” photoshopped product and bonus coverage of the Nazi Indiana Senator speaking at a Hitler birthday party
• wired.com thinks the Sprint Instinct will sell like “crack-injected hotcakes” and Sprint agrees
• Cameltap.com found Keyboard Pants that help dudes get work done AND not get laid

Spanky would like to add this video on DoubleViking:
“Something is goin’ on, can I smell yo’ dick?”

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/04/24/campaign.wrap/index.html

Clinton claims she leads in the popular vote.

“I’m very proud that as of today, I have received more votes by the people who have voted than anyone else,” Clinton said Wednesday, one day after her decisive win in Pennsylvania.

Not so fast, says Obama’s campaign. Clinton’s count includes her wins in Michigan and Florida, but the Democratic presidential candidates agreed not to campaign in those states because they violated party rules by scheduling their contests too early.

Look, this is just crazy talk. You can’t count those damned votes from Florida and Michigan. She should know this, seeing as she has been whining so much about how they’ve been disenfranchised.

Hillary: if they were disenfranchised, then their votes didn’t count.

You can’t have it both ways, you crazy-ass fool.

Barack Obama needs to hammer her on this point. She is full of shit.

If Obama can’t see that she has made a huge blunder here, he’s an idiot.

-Agent Spanky.

The New York Giants won the NFL Super Bowl back in February over the 18-1 not 19-0^TM New England Patriots. Many have attributed some of the success to the fact that disruptive pro bowl tight end Jeremy Shockey got hurt and was unable to play. Rumors have since circulated that Shockey will be traded, released, or somehow not with the team next year and the move is likely to come during the first day of the NFL Draft.

Shockey’s replacement Kevin Boss is the only one that does not believe that.

“He’ll be back,” Boss said, per Vacchiano. “I’ve got a lot more to learn from him. He’s been a great mentor. Obviously he’s a better player than me. He can do some things I can’t yet.”

Doing a little research on the modest not as good Boss shows he is right about Shockey being the superior douchebag and football player regardless of whether he is right about him being back in blue next season or not. Research lead to the Kevin Boss Wikipedia entry that seemed simple enough except for one strange line (maybe I am missing something somewhere???):

Kevin Boss has also been referred to by many as God in the second coming.

WTF does that mean? Is that a prank? Is that a rightfully mad Giants fan that sees that Boss is not THAT good that you can throw away a talent like Shockey? Or is that Shockey himself editing that entry, after all he is disgruntled by the perception that the Giants got better when he was off the field.

Anyone have any insight on this or the Patriots trying to trade mark “19-0″ (link above) when they finished 18-1? Don’t Stop Believing

Several blogs are speculating that Dallas Cowboy football superstar Terrell Owens is seen in the background of a photo (above) at a hardcore porn photo shoot by the Bang Bros. This reminds me of Where’s Waldo (also above) and only really gets mentioned because IF this is TO, then him cheesing in the background is pretty funny. I can’t imagine NFL commissioner Roger Goodell would be too happy.

In terms of this being some “dirty” sex scandal or something, this photo does not hold any weight. Apparently TO, or this guy, is not seen in any of the other pictures and the Bang Bros crew did not respond when asked by reporters whether Terrell Owens had a cameo in one of their pieces. Is it possible he was just walking by? This photo almost looks like the dude and the alleged TO are sharing a “I can’t believe a pro football player is coincidently walking up on a dude about to get some dome” moment.

TO continually gets press for his body, but he would really have to do more than this picture to top Dennis Rodman’s sexcapade photos.

Who are the Bang Bros (NSFW) anyway? They didn’t ever have a bus (NSFW) did they?

el oh el

The problem with our immigration process is not Mexicans running wild in America. The problem with immigration is illegal immigrants. If you can understand that continue reading, if not continue on your unedeucated red neck ways.

For those of you still reading I have a plan to fix our immigration issues. The biggest problem with illegals is that they dont pay taxes. If they paid taxes we would be able to support them and there US born children. While we have a problem with all illegal immigrants our obvious big problem is our brothers from the south. This is why I have come up with the buy a Mexican program.

This plan is not just for Mexicans. I want to be clear you could buy someone from anywhere if thats what you wanted. This is how it works.

1. You find someone that wants in the country and you sponsor them.

2. You then pay, lets just say $10,000, for the right to bring them to the country.

3. This $10,000 investment is used to pay for more people to proccess all the immigrants. They take blood, hair, finger prints, eye scans, inject a GPS, and then give them a workers permit.

4. Now whoever paid the fee negotiates how long this immigrant must work for them to earn there way into America. We shouldnt get greedy so lets just say 15 months. During these 15 months they work for minummum wages but enough to have three hots and a cot.

5. At the end of the 15 months they can go out on there own with a green card. They can work for better wages and start to benifit from this great land called America. The best part, we know who they are and where they are. If they are here they are paying taxes and contributing to America. Which is all any tax paying former immigrant to the United States wants.

6. After Nine and a half years of paying taxes and contributing to American economy they can apply for citizenship and with all the new immigration workers we have hired in the ten years since they showed up there will be plenty of people to proccess there application.

We getthe workers we need to build America and we get the tax money to make it better. If you can afford it you should go out and Rent a Mexican.