Hillary Clinton is Rocky Balboa?

Hillary Clinton as Rocky Balboa

Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton says she is like Sylvester Stallone’s HGH enhanced geriatric famous movie boxer, Rocky Balboa. She means she never quits… even when maybe she should. Her opponent in this fight, Barack Obama is far more like Ivan Drago or Mason “The Line” Dixon (aka Antonio “Magic Man” Tarver) than he is Tommy Gunn.

We get it, Senator Hillary Clinton embodies the American “never say die” spirit. We appreciate it. I think most of us even like her for it, and like her in general (even like the idea of Hillary basing her entire future on some bowling). That being said, that Rocky quip is certainly worth a photoshop.

Hillary Clinton’s Bosnia Mission Call of Duty Game

The crew over at Kotaku found a satirical piece by Bill Maher about Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton’s flat out make believe mispoken Bosnia mission. It is a YouTube video that spoofs her alleged sniper fire incident by turning it into a Call of Duty (COD) video game by Activision. There is also a nice little John McCain Nintendo wii title they throw on at the end. Enjoy.

Hillary Lies: The Game

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GscDb3W0_5M[/youtube]

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 3-22-08

ESPN:

Upsets at NCAA tournament: Higher Seeds Fall in Tampa

Drake’s Unexpected Season Done in by Buzzer-Beater Desperation Heave (so I’m a little biased)

CNN:

The Full Story Behind Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s 9/11 Sermon (AC 360 Blog, Roland Martin)

Flooding Reaches Dangerous Levels in Missouri

Exploding Star in Previously Unknown Galaxy

The Onion:

Delicious Snacks Distract Congressman from Horrors of War (video)

U.S. Finishes a Strong Second in Iraq War (archive 10-20-04)

Des Moines Register:

Back on Top: Iowa Wrestling clinches 1st NCAA title in 8 years

Iowa Smoking Ban Goes to Special Committee

People.com

K-Fed rocked his 30th Birthday in Vegas: lost voice and money

(I think that’s a sign to call it quits)

Homerun King Barry Bonds Unemployed – Possibly Blackballed by MLB?

Barry Bonds Homerun King Blackballed

It is two weeks until the 2008 MLB baseball season begins and arguably the best baseball player ever, Barry Bonds, still does not have a job.  The MLBPA (Major League Baseball Players Association) will be looking into this peculiar situation as a part of its annual free agency review according to Donald Fehr the head of the union.  Is there really any chance that the Home Run King has been blackballed by commissioner Bud Selig and the MLB owners?

Of course Barry Bonds has had his name thrown about for his alleged grand jury perjury and alleged use of steroids (“the clear” and “the cream” possibly given to him by his trainer and friend Greg Anderson) in the Balco and MLB investigations.  He is also considered a jerk to the media at times (maybe that is why they make things up about him) and a prima donna.  Barry broke Hank Aaron’s all time home run record last year too, so the chase is over for that one as well.  He is 43 years old and carries a high price tag too.  All of these factors should discourage some teams, but not all.

Are those factors really enough to warrant very little public interest in him from the 32 MLB baseball franchises?  We have heard about Tony La Russa and the Cardinals and then the Tampa Bay Rays discussing adding Bonds internally, but not much else from the other franchises.

Barry Bonds has done more than enough to deserve a roster spot in big leagues.  His career numbers are superior to almost all players ever to play the game.  He played with speed, had amazing defense, became the greatest power hitter ever, and had the most patience at the plate of anyone before him as he has drawn record numbers of walks, intentional or otherwise.  Just last year he lead the entire league in walks and had 28 home runs in 132 games while hitting .276.  He had a better season than many outfielders gainfully employed.

He could fit a team like the St. Louis Cardinals that need a big bat to protect their slugger Albert Pujols and can platoon with the young outfielders asked to play everyday.  He could fit a team like the Tampa Bay Rays that need to sell tickets and improve as a franchise.  Barry will pass 3,000 hits and 2,000 RBI milestones this season.  He could fit a team like the Oakland Athletics that are already familiar with him from his days across the bay in San Francisco and could use a designated hitter.  Another fit would be the powerhouse teams like the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees that could bolster the middle of their lineups with a deadly left-handed bat.

I would love to wake up tomorrow and hear that Barry Bonds has signed with the Atlanta Braves, but I am not counting on it (and praying he does not land on the Mets or Phillies rosters).  In the next two weeks though, if we do not hear that he has been signed, you better believe this “blackball” story will escalate.

Boston Celtics Star Kevin Garnett Accused of Tanking Minnesota Timberwolves

Photoshop of Kevin Garnett Tanks Timberwolves

In 1995 Kevin Garnett was drafted 5th overall by the Minnesota Timberwolves out of Chicago Farragut Academy High School at the age of 19.  “The Kid” was the first player in 20 some years to make the jump from high school to professional basketball in the NBA.  He immediately became known as “The Franchise” essentially for being the pillar of the Minnesota Timberwolves.  He played there for 12 seasons and was the highest tenured player with one team before being traded to the Boston Celtics in the biggest trade (most players included) in NBA history.  The Celtics also added Ray Allen and already had Paul Pierce, so the three stars set the bar high for the Celtics.

KG changed his number from 21 to 5 but his high level of play has continued as the Celtics are cruising into the playoffs as division winners and the Timberwolves have won less than 25% of their games.  During his time in Minnesota, “The Big Ticket” won Olympic gold, League and All Star MVP trophies, 11 All Star appearances, 8 time All-Defensive and All-NBA, won rebound and points titles, playoff appearances, and even the J. Walter Kennedy Citizen Award… not to mention numerous T’wolves franchise records.  He is considered by many to be one of the top players in the league now, and possibly ever.

In 2004 the T’wolves streak of eight consecutive trips to the playoffs hit an end and the team started to fall apart.  Throughout all of the problems, it was perceived that even while frustrated, KG wanted to stick it out and the team owner Glen Taylor intended to accommodate that.  That being said, Garnett’s name continued to come up in trade rumors and finally the trade to Boston, GM Kevin McHale’s old team, happened.  The two teams went in opposite directions.  Now Taylor has made the mistake of claiming Garnett “tanked it” last year with an injury in the final handful of games.  Garnett has been loved by fans for his hard work and dedication to winning, seemingly earning all of his money.  They lost him sure, but it did not seem to be too much bad blood between KG and the twin-cities fans.  It is also worth noting that the team has long been accused of tanking games to gain better draft spots.  In these few poorly chosen words, Taylor may have isolated THE player that should be immortalized as the Timberwolves’ finest player.  When he retires, he may not be too thrilled to be associated with a team that spit on his legacy in a fit of sour grapes.

If the Celtics win a championship, Glen Taylor has lost his “Big Ticket” and his “Franchise” likely for good.

Raconteurs New Album (“Consolers of the Lonely”) Done and on Shelves in a Week

White Stripes fans, you gotta love this. Jack White’s “other band,” the Raconteurs announced today that they are done with their new album…and that it’s coming out in all formats in 1 week:

In order to release an album that will ‘not be defined by it’s [sic] first weeks [sic] sales, pre-release promotion, or by someone defining it FOR YOU before you get to hear it,’ the Raconteurs have opted to release their just-completed album next week. In a press release signed by the band…the Raconteurs say that their second album, Consolers of the Lonely, will be available in digital, CD, and vinyl formats March 25, after being completed earlier this month. It’s an unprecedented move for a band releasing an album via a major label, in this case, Warner Brothers.

r.jpg

Right on, bros. I’m sold. This buy is a shoo-in given that one of the Trumpet staff’s finest moments included the Raconteurs at Lollapalooza 2006 (where they were one of 832 bands who played Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy”…but at least they did it best…other than Skee-Lo of course) where they blew the roof off Grant Park. If I had a Youtube vid of Pumpkin + the butt-grabbers during the Kanye show…and Armando’s hair.

Anyway, Jack White is now officially a Trumpet mancrush in my book. This is a great stunt. Review in 1 week.

McCartney’s ex-wife gets close to 50 million dollars? Whaaaat?

Heather Mills Money Poster Held By Paul McCartney Photoshop
Heather Mills, the estranged wife of Paul McCartney, was granted nearly 25 million pounds ($50 million) in her divorce proceedings with the former Beatle, she said Monday.

Heather Mills, the estranged wife of Paul McCartney, was granted nearly 25 million pounds ($50 million) in her divorce proceedings with the former Beatle, she said Monday.

Judge Hugh Bennett awarded Mills, who represented herself, 23.7 million pounds ($47.4 million). She said McCartney had proposed 15.8 million pounds ($31.6 million).

Sure–she represented herself. That’s pretty sweet. I’ll give her that. But how exactly do you deserve $50 mil from Paul?

Sure, she’s been a model, done some porn, done some charity work, argued that people should become vegans. Wikipedia on Mills Some of that stuff is kinda commendable, I suppose. (Especially the porn.) Why in the hell does she deserve that much?

Damn, Paul, it’s called a pre-nup. You snooze, you lose.

-MC Spanky McGee

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 3-14-08

Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy:

Eliot Spitzer Song Parody “Client #9″ and Ashley Alexandra Dupre “What We Want”

There has been plenty said already about the Eliot Spitzer Emperor Club VIP sex scandal. For now the “news” has stopped trickling in and the entertainment world is sinking their teeth into it. There is a song parody called “Client #9″ that is a loose version of “Love Potion #9” by The Searchers.

Details about the “Spitzer Girl” known as “Kristen” have surfaced as well. According to Ashley Alexandra Dupre’s MySpace page, her real-life personality (sans prostitution), she is an aspiring singer. Her profile features her pop/r&b song “What We Want”. Her “Top 8″ friends (actually only 5 make the cut) are Whitney Houston, Madonna, Mary J. Blige, Amy Winehouse, and Celine Dion. That lineup has had its share of issues as well.

“Client #9″
[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LdcsZZsv80[/youtube]Ashley Alexandra Dupre aka Kristen – “What We Want”
[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LW4nof-Oh4[/youtube]
Bonus mostly Unrelated YouTube Coverage:
If you never saw the above mentioned Celine Dion on Larry King back in 2005 speaking emotionally about helping with Hurricane Katrina, please do so now. Kanye West was probably on to something when he said that “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” and Celine made her thoughts well known as well.  I do have to preface that her message is very much appreciated and heartfelt and quite frankly she may have even come off as inspiring.

…that being said, this has some hilarious lines that are golden.

Nobody can open any roofs? …take a kayak, go into those walls… big guns, what’s that? …they have never touched anything in their lives, let them touch those things for once.

Steve-o busted for cocaine? Boring.

I’m serious.

Jackass star Steve-O was charged with felony cocaine possession, and was hospitalized for the second time this week, at Cedar-Sinai Medical Center, TMZ reports.

steve o scarface cocaine

But this should be a no-brainer. The cops have had probable cause to arrest that dude since the damn show came out.

As if those boys are sober. Shit, Knoxville probably secretes highly-potent drugs, and Steve-O prolly licks them off him. They’ve gotta be fueled by something. Do you really think that Wheaties is what makes someone cram a toy car up his ass?

While I’m at it, I’m also predicting that a couple of those boys will turn out to be addicted to hardcore painkillers, hmmm, Rush Limbaugh?

Ok, Steve-O. You seem like a nice guy. Seem. Looks like it’s time just to chill out, Bromaha. Play some XBOX for a bit, have some beef jerky–just kick it.

-MC Spanky McGee


It’s too early for Spanky to be writing. 3-14-2008 7:47 AM