Hillary: Nah, bro…we’re cool.

Somehow indicating that she has a pulse on how the gaffes of her own campaign will be interpreted by voters, Hillary Clinton says the controversy and resignation of Mark Penn won’t hurt her campaign. This is so amusing. When I was about 8 years old, we would play a game in my neighborhood that we just called “Guns.” We all had toy guns (I actually had an M-16 that was one of the “it” weapons in the hood). It was basically hide and seek, but to “catch” somebody you had to “shoot” them from relatively point blank range before they “shot” you. The game ALWAYS devolved into an argument when one player would ambush another from the bushes with a subsequent dispute over whether the shot was successful.

Kid 1: “Blat…blllllllat! I shot you.” (noises were obligatory)

Kid 2: “No you didn’t.” (running away)

Argument ensued. I’m sure you get it. Hillary is now playing the role of Kid 2. “You didn’t hit me…see?”

I don’t usually care about what the comments to a particular article say, but it looks like everyone on CNN.com is tired of Hill’s spin cycle. EVERY SINGLE comment says something to her credibility. With her dwindling lead in the Pennsylvania polls, it looks like her act is played…sooooooo played.

I won’t call for it now, but pretty soon it will be time for Hill to:

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45LzDRmHrmg[/youtube]

It may be Pennsylvania (April 22). It may be North Carolina (May 6). IT MAY BE GUAM (May 3)…but it’s coming.

Hillary Clinton is Rocky Balboa?

Hillary Clinton as Rocky Balboa

Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton says she is like Sylvester Stallone’s HGH enhanced geriatric famous movie boxer, Rocky Balboa. She means she never quits… even when maybe she should. Her opponent in this fight, Barack Obama is far more like Ivan Drago or Mason “The Line” Dixon (aka Antonio “Magic Man” Tarver) than he is Tommy Gunn.

We get it, Senator Hillary Clinton embodies the American “never say die” spirit. We appreciate it. I think most of us even like her for it, and like her in general (even like the idea of Hillary basing her entire future on some bowling). That being said, that Rocky quip is certainly worth a photoshop.

The Boston Red Sox Skip Spring Training Game and Vote Not to Go To Japan for Season Openers (RESOLVED)

Boston Red Sox Vote to Skip Flight to Japan

The Boston Red Sox did not take the field until an hour after the start time today for their final spring training game in Florida against the Toronto Blue Jays and earlier Red Sox Players voted to not board the plane that would take them to Japan for their to season openers against the Oakland Athletics. Mike Lowell, a player and team spokesman of sorts, said the team voted unanimously to skip the game and the flight because Major League Baseball has not followed through with promises surrounding the trip scheduled for departure later today.

The Red Sox were upset about the fact that their staff and coaches were not going to receive the $40,000 they were promised as a travel fund for the two exhibition games and two regular season games. According to pitcher Curt Schilling, there were other promises that had “already been taken away.” The Oakland A’s were going to discuss their stance on the issue before their game against the Chicago Cubs today.

An hour after the World Champion Red Sox did not take the field, a deal was in the works with MLB to work the situation out and ultimately the game is being played right now and the BoSox have agreed to make the trip to Tokyo.  It is being reported that the staff will receive the stipends that were in dispute.  Out of fear that the opener would not get played, opening day pitcher and Japanese born Daisuke Matsuzaka aka “Dice-K” was sent to pitch a Triple-A game and seemingly will not be the starting pitcher for the opening day.

This potentially could have been may still be disastrous for the game of baseball that is already under heavy scrutiny for heavy steroid use and a salary cap situation that many feel is out of control.  Japanese players like Matsuzaka, Ichiro Suzuki, and Hideki Matsui have been making the jump to America to play in the big leagues with great success.  The fanbase back in Japan is growing and playing these games over there is a logical fit.

Boston Red Sox Japanese Contingent

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Homerun King Barry Bonds Unemployed – Possibly Blackballed by MLB?

Barry Bonds Homerun King Blackballed

It is two weeks until the 2008 MLB baseball season begins and arguably the best baseball player ever, Barry Bonds, still does not have a job.  The MLBPA (Major League Baseball Players Association) will be looking into this peculiar situation as a part of its annual free agency review according to Donald Fehr the head of the union.  Is there really any chance that the Home Run King has been blackballed by commissioner Bud Selig and the MLB owners?

Of course Barry Bonds has had his name thrown about for his alleged grand jury perjury and alleged use of steroids (“the clear” and “the cream” possibly given to him by his trainer and friend Greg Anderson) in the Balco and MLB investigations.  He is also considered a jerk to the media at times (maybe that is why they make things up about him) and a prima donna.  Barry broke Hank Aaron’s all time home run record last year too, so the chase is over for that one as well.  He is 43 years old and carries a high price tag too.  All of these factors should discourage some teams, but not all.

Are those factors really enough to warrant very little public interest in him from the 32 MLB baseball franchises?  We have heard about Tony La Russa and the Cardinals and then the Tampa Bay Rays discussing adding Bonds internally, but not much else from the other franchises.

Barry Bonds has done more than enough to deserve a roster spot in big leagues.  His career numbers are superior to almost all players ever to play the game.  He played with speed, had amazing defense, became the greatest power hitter ever, and had the most patience at the plate of anyone before him as he has drawn record numbers of walks, intentional or otherwise.  Just last year he lead the entire league in walks and had 28 home runs in 132 games while hitting .276.  He had a better season than many outfielders gainfully employed.

He could fit a team like the St. Louis Cardinals that need a big bat to protect their slugger Albert Pujols and can platoon with the young outfielders asked to play everyday.  He could fit a team like the Tampa Bay Rays that need to sell tickets and improve as a franchise.  Barry will pass 3,000 hits and 2,000 RBI milestones this season.  He could fit a team like the Oakland Athletics that are already familiar with him from his days across the bay in San Francisco and could use a designated hitter.  Another fit would be the powerhouse teams like the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees that could bolster the middle of their lineups with a deadly left-handed bat.

I would love to wake up tomorrow and hear that Barry Bonds has signed with the Atlanta Braves, but I am not counting on it (and praying he does not land on the Mets or Phillies rosters).  In the next two weeks though, if we do not hear that he has been signed, you better believe this “blackball” story will escalate.

Boston Celtics Star Kevin Garnett Accused of Tanking Minnesota Timberwolves

Photoshop of Kevin Garnett Tanks Timberwolves

In 1995 Kevin Garnett was drafted 5th overall by the Minnesota Timberwolves out of Chicago Farragut Academy High School at the age of 19.  “The Kid” was the first player in 20 some years to make the jump from high school to professional basketball in the NBA.  He immediately became known as “The Franchise” essentially for being the pillar of the Minnesota Timberwolves.  He played there for 12 seasons and was the highest tenured player with one team before being traded to the Boston Celtics in the biggest trade (most players included) in NBA history.  The Celtics also added Ray Allen and already had Paul Pierce, so the three stars set the bar high for the Celtics.

KG changed his number from 21 to 5 but his high level of play has continued as the Celtics are cruising into the playoffs as division winners and the Timberwolves have won less than 25% of their games.  During his time in Minnesota, “The Big Ticket” won Olympic gold, League and All Star MVP trophies, 11 All Star appearances, 8 time All-Defensive and All-NBA, won rebound and points titles, playoff appearances, and even the J. Walter Kennedy Citizen Award… not to mention numerous T’wolves franchise records.  He is considered by many to be one of the top players in the league now, and possibly ever.

In 2004 the T’wolves streak of eight consecutive trips to the playoffs hit an end and the team started to fall apart.  Throughout all of the problems, it was perceived that even while frustrated, KG wanted to stick it out and the team owner Glen Taylor intended to accommodate that.  That being said, Garnett’s name continued to come up in trade rumors and finally the trade to Boston, GM Kevin McHale’s old team, happened.  The two teams went in opposite directions.  Now Taylor has made the mistake of claiming Garnett “tanked it” last year with an injury in the final handful of games.  Garnett has been loved by fans for his hard work and dedication to winning, seemingly earning all of his money.  They lost him sure, but it did not seem to be too much bad blood between KG and the twin-cities fans.  It is also worth noting that the team has long been accused of tanking games to gain better draft spots.  In these few poorly chosen words, Taylor may have isolated THE player that should be immortalized as the Timberwolves’ finest player.  When he retires, he may not be too thrilled to be associated with a team that spit on his legacy in a fit of sour grapes.

If the Celtics win a championship, Glen Taylor has lost his “Big Ticket” and his “Franchise” likely for good.

McCartney’s ex-wife gets close to 50 million dollars? Whaaaat?

Heather Mills Money Poster Held By Paul McCartney Photoshop
Heather Mills, the estranged wife of Paul McCartney, was granted nearly 25 million pounds ($50 million) in her divorce proceedings with the former Beatle, she said Monday.

Heather Mills, the estranged wife of Paul McCartney, was granted nearly 25 million pounds ($50 million) in her divorce proceedings with the former Beatle, she said Monday.

Judge Hugh Bennett awarded Mills, who represented herself, 23.7 million pounds ($47.4 million). She said McCartney had proposed 15.8 million pounds ($31.6 million).

Sure–she represented herself. That’s pretty sweet. I’ll give her that. But how exactly do you deserve $50 mil from Paul?

Sure, she’s been a model, done some porn, done some charity work, argued that people should become vegans. Wikipedia on Mills Some of that stuff is kinda commendable, I suppose. (Especially the porn.) Why in the hell does she deserve that much?

Damn, Paul, it’s called a pre-nup. You snooze, you lose.

-MC Spanky McGee

Spitzer resigns as Governor of New York

Eliot Spitzer Noose
‘Deeply sorry’ Spitzer resigns

“I am deeply sorry that I did not live up to what was expected of me,” he said in a brief news conference announcing his intention to resign, effective Monday. “I will try once again outside of politics to serve the common good.”

He added, “Our greatest glory consists not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.”

Eliot, ya messed up. But you’ve done some top-notch work. Hang on to that.

Now, stop being a douchebag, and get your life back on track.

I’ll try to do that, too.

-MC Spanky McGee

Barack Obama is Lucky to be Black According to Geraldine Ferarro – WTF?

Geraldine Ferraro Says Obama is Lucky to be Black
Twenty four years ago Geraldine Ferarro was the first woman to be on a major presidential ticket. She was the Vice President on the Walter Mondale ticket that lost in a landslide to Ronald Reagan. Fast forward to 2008 and Hillary Clinton is trying to become the first woman president of the United States of America and is currently embattled in a very close Democratic nomination race with Illinois Senator Barack Obama. Tonight the race goes to the Mississippi voters.

Ferarro has been attached to the Clintons since Hillary’s husband Bill’s administration appointed her to the position of ambassador to the United Nations Committee on Human Rights. She has been a strong ally of Mrs. Clinton and has served her campaign as a surrogate speaker, fund raiser, financial committee member, and even worked the phone banks. In addition to her work with the Clintons, Ferraro has worn many hats from hosting the television show “Crossfire” to being a U.S. Congresswoman, and even holding the position of senior managing director of the Global Consulting Group corporate public relations firm.

Sadly as accomplished as this woman has been and as dedicated to Hillary Clinton she has shown to be, her recent words may be the final stamp on her legacy. Like the sex scandal involved New York Governor Eliot Spitzer aka Client 9 or the “run for cover” quitting Admiral William Fallon, an entire career of public and or country service will be tarnished this week. Ferarro gave an interview to the Daily Breeze to preview her then upcoming speaking engagement at the Armstrong Theatre of the Torrance Cultural Arts Center Theatre in Torrance. In this phone interview with staff writer Jim Farber, Ferarro talked about the expected issues that challenge Hillary Clinton’s campaign. Issues like the media being soft on Barack Obama and of course gender.

“I think what America feels about a woman becoming president takes a very secondary place to Obama’s campaign – to a kind of campaign that it would be hard for anyone to run against,” she said. “For one thing, you have the press, which has been uniquely hard on her. It’s been a very sexist media. Some just don’t like her. The others have gotten caught up in the Obama campaign.”

Perhaps she should have taken pointers from the California community that regulates certain types of language rather than from gays > terrorists Sally Kern (who also fits the tarnished career description above) before she delivered her inferences that Barack Obama was having success based on the fact that he was black.

“If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position,” she continued. “And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept.

Obama finds Ferraro’s comments “absurd” and “divisive”.

This nomination process has seen record levels of media coverage and many people involved with the campaigns just running their mouths and being removed from their involvement. It is hard to decipher what is “authorized” by the candidates and what will be denied and denounced once it has been said. The final chapter of this foot-in-mouth story has likely not been written.

Additional Sources:

Eliot Spitzer Emperor Club VIP Details Emerge

Emperor Club VIP Photoshop

News that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has been involved in a sex scandal broke yesterday. The Emperor Club VIP prostitution ring has been busted and Spitzer was forced into a public apology. Very few details were available then. So in the mean time we took it upon ourselves here at Soupy Trumpet to photoshop images and discuss the story in different ways. From the philosophical perspective in “why do smart people do dumb things” to the primal view in “failing the sex test“, The Trumpet Crew has piled on the former Time Life Magazine Crusader of the Year as we waited for the juicy details.

CNN has found out more about “Client 9″ and the wiretaps that have tied him to a prostitute named “Kristen” on Valentine’s Day in February at the Washington Hotel (Room 871) for two and a half hours. $2,712.41 is what he was billed to pay which included travel, the fee, hotel incidentals, and her time. Spitzer ended up spending $4,300 that day as he wanted to have a credit with the hooker.

Even after pouring through the official pages at The Smoking Gun, there are still plenty of sketchy parts of this story like “Kristen” being warned that Spitzer”might ask you to do things that, like, you might not think are safe”. I cannot even imagine what that might mean. There also is no mention of how often Spitzer met with the girls of the Emperor Club VIP operation or how much he had accumulated in expenses. More will likely come out from the sting that started back in October of 2007 and since had accumulated 6,000 emails, 5,000 phone and text messages, and numerous documents like bank transfers and travel records.

There has also been no official update on the status of Spitzer’s job which clearly has to be in jeopardy. All of his friends are shocked by this and some politicians have called for his resignation “to allow the people of New York to pursue honest leadership”.

We will keep you updated as the story unfolds. We may also update the Emperor Club photoshop above if we missed anybody or more public figures emerge in this international case.

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer kicks it with Emperors Club VIP prostitutes

Eliot Spitzer Prostitution Ring

Spanky says:

The New York Times reports that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has been involved in a prostitution ring.

Looks like the politicians sure are going bonkers in the last few days, with Sally Kern telling us that gays are worse than terrorists.

Look, now is not the time to dismiss all politicians out of hand–although I get tempted myself. Don’t think, “They’re all scumbags,” on the basis of a few cases. Some assholes are worse than others. Fact. So, you should vote for the person that will be the smallest asshole!!!

Back to Spitzer, he claims during his public statement today that politics is not about individuals but is about ideas.

Ok, Eliot. Maybe in an ideal world. But the public won’t accept that distinction. You’re gonna get a ton of pressure to walk, bro.

Grown Pumpkin‘s Analysis:
Does having your wife stand by you make it seem like you’re OK in spite of all of your misdoing? Looking at her face, I would say no. In fact I think parading her up there does her a disservice and may make you come off as even more of an insincere douche. You were named the “Crusader of the Year” by Time Magazine and even “Eliot Ness” for sorting out corrupt “establishment” members. Now you are yet another corrupt politician, worthy of lampooning and photoshopping (like you as Don Magic Juan above). You are no longer the crusader. You are going to lose your job over this. Your reputation is gone. Your apology for your “private matter” seems so fake and hollow.

The best / worst part of all of this is that all the details have yet to emerge (update: details are emerging). We know he has been referred to as “Client 9″ in the Emperors Club VIP bust that has linked high rollers to prostitutes around the world using wiretaps. It appears he was a client, and maybe he was just there to talk… or we will be treated to raunchy details of yet another hypocritical politician’s extramarital sex life. Hopefully his family and friends and the millions he is responsible for will be able to move on without too much harm. People make mistakes, but hiding it under public trust and ultimately showing no true remorse multiplies and magnifies your offense. Sir, if you were a regular guy, nobody would care… but you promised New York voters you were different and Time Magazine took the bait.

I hope you weren’t buying the 7 Diamond girls that cost $5,500 each hour… and I hope that money was yours and not the government’s… and I hope that they are women hookers for your sake or Sally Kern may breathe hot fire down on you. Hopefully there are no photos or video of you in some crazy oufit doing crazy things… this thing could get way worse.

I admittedly knew very little of you until today, and while my photoshop is inaccurate (you were a John and not Mr. Whitefolks), it will be in my head from here out. Others will have similar thoughts of the former crusader of the year.

Bro Taguchi’s analysis:

Being the Gooch, I gotta jump in here. That photoshop is one of the $$$-est things I’ve ever seen…

I see two issues here. First and foremost, this isn’t really a “corrupt politician” story, it’s a hypocrisy story. Spitzer was a real cowboy as the Attorney General of New York, but now he’ll be seen as just another power-monger who decided to bust others for disobeying corporate trading laws while ignoring other laws by runnin up in hoes in the clubby-club. Some people can get away with such selective obedience/enforcement…state governors cannot.

Spitzer was one of my favorite guys for a long time, and to some degree I still respect him. Let’s face it…this is another “beej in the White House” type of story. This leads to the 2nd issue…is a guy is a scorn-worthy scumbag because he got loved up by a prostitute? The unequivocal answer to that in today’s political environment is “yes,” but I’d take Spitzer any day of the week over former Illinois Governor George Ryan (who used his office to get very wealthy rather than to get laid). I don’t think Spitzer fleeced Time magazine…he just took liberties with other parts of his life. He truly was the Crusader of the Year (who dipped on the side)…not unlike MLK or JFK. History has been much more forgiving to these men, and their political legacies remain in tact. Hell, one of ‘em even gets a national holiday. In spite of all this massaging, I should point out that now is, in fact, resignation time.

Issue 2.5: If people want to differentiate between having sex with “not-my-wife” for money or for free (as it pertains to Spitzer’s character), that’s their issue…or perhaps the government’s issue. S’all the same to me.