LET’S GET READY TO RUMBUUUUUUHHLE…

McHale clotheslines Rambis

Before Kevin McHale hit Kurt Rambis, the Lakers were just running across the street whenever they wanted. Now they stop at the corner, push the button, wait for the light, and look both ways.

–Cedric Maxwell

Or put another way:

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7r6vXeOfyQ[/youtube]

(In the 1984 NBA Finals, the Lakers ran the Celtics out of the gym in Game 3.  Larry Bird responded by publicly calling his team “a bunch of wimps” and “sissies.”  Kevin McHale responded by clotheslining Kurt Rambis in the 2nd quarter of Game 4.  Boston won the series in 7 games.  Game 4 is still one of the greatest games in NBA history.  Bird hit a turnaround J with less than a minute left in OT to seal the win)

I’m pumped.  –Gooch

Griff’s New Favorite Website

I just found this site and felt I had to share: Pee Your Pants For The Brewers. Nearly 7000 Brewers fans have pledged to piss their pants if and when the Crew should ever make the playoffs. I realize that this is kind of gross, but I’m pretty sure that if the Brewers ever do clinch a playoff spot, I will do a number 1 (and likely a number 2) in my Lederhosen, regardless of any pledge, so I might as well get on board. And with all the PBR and MGD flowing at Miller Park, Derry’s Pub, and elsewhere Brewers fans are to be found, I’m pretty sure most Milwaukee fans are ipso facto on board.

The site is a great trip down memory lane for Brewers fans like myself. (Not just because we started going to County Stadium before being fully potty trained.) Pledgers list their favorite Brewers, and you see some great and obscure blasts from the past, including: Rob Deer (my old favorite), John Jaha, Mike Fetters, Ricky Bones, Pat Listach, Chuck Crim, Greg Brock, and Billy Jo Robidoux…among others.

Make sure to also check out the Methods page. One of my favorites is the “Borrow a Baby” strategy:  Find a baby to borrow.  While holding said baby pee your pants and then yell out “Oh he got me. The little bugger got me good. Who’s child is this?!”  Bonus points if you can get the parent to buy you a “sorry my kid peed on you” beer.

Of course, it doesn’t look like Griff will be peeing her pants any time soon. (The Brewers just fell behind the Pirates in a tie for last in the NL Central, and Carlos Villanueva just walked in a run. My pants have never been drier.) But in the meantime, she can at least train (except her training will be with a PBR in hand):

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzmsbIfwQhc[/youtube]

Vince Young Drunk and Topless at Sausage Fest

Vince Young Topless

There are pictures of Tennessee Titan quarterback Vince Young topless at a club getting drunk with mostly other topless dudes around.  I have no problem with a professional football player, an NFL star even, getting drunk and partying with his boys (ie: Cedric Benson & Vikings Boat Trip).  It gets a little weird when the dudes are indoors and start taking off their shirts with no few women around.  The story is chuckle worthy at best if you read… nothing to see here people, move along.

Party on Vince.

New York Yankee Jason Giambi Shares Lucky Thong

Jason Giambi lucky thong

New York Yankee Jason Giambi has a lucky thong.  That thong is gold.  He wears the man thong for luck when he is down.  He has shared the thong with Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon among other professional baseball players.  Everyone has taken notice.  Mike Mussina put a sign on his locker that says “pitchers need thongs too”.  Sadly the thong may have lost its magic touch as Jason Giambi is hitting below the Mendoza Line.  That does not keep Jason from bringing that thong along just like he did when doing poorly for the Oakland A’s and presumably when he was in front of the grand jury for the Balco steroid case a few years ago.

That is the baseball / man thong  equivalent of See Spot Run.

Yadier Molina gets his money’s worth…

After a grueling series at Miller Park this weekend, the Brewers ended up taking 3-4 from the Cardinals. A flurry (slowing sometimes to a drizzle – is that to mix my metaphors?) of text messages were exchanged between Bro Taguchi and Griff this weekend. A few highlights:

Griff: Try not to be too hard on my Crew tonite. They’re hurtin’ bad.
Gooch: Ok. Just keep the brats comin.

Griff: I am about to launch a jihad on the Brewer pitching staff.
Gooch: There are no beheadings in baseball…

Gooch: Are the crew wearing the old unis from the 80s? I love those. Never shoulda got rid of em. An A+ logo too with the mb glove.

Gooch: Fyi the baseball game is on the fox sports spanish channel if you get directv. Channel 616. Heh.
Griff: Viva los brewers! Como se dice bratwurst en espanol?
Gooch: Bratwurst.

Gooch: The cubs are back in 1st.
Griff: Our lame-ass pitcher just got a two-bagger off of your homeboys. Cubs suck. And I hate Carlos Zambrano.
Gooch: Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate…[you get the idea]

All in all, we were pretty congenial, especially given that Ryan Braun went deep twice in two games (for a total of 4 dingers, if you can’t do math). But the series highlight has to go to Yadier Molina, who – after getting tossed by home plate umpire Paul Schrieber – proceeded to strip down and leave all his equipment in front of Schrieber at home plate. LaRussa gets run as well, but as Bob Uecker noted, that’s “no big surprise.” (Uecker went on to express disappointment that Molina didn’t keep on going with his strip show. Not sure what to make of that.) You can watch the video here.

It’s going to be an interesting season…

White Sox Pink Beards for Breast Cancer

Ozzie Guillen Pink

Four Chicago White Sox players, including closer Bobby Jenks, dyed their facial hair pink in honor of the upcoming Mother’s Day holiday and to help raise awareness for breast cancer.  Major League Baseball (MLB) has helped raise money for the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Foundation in their “Going To Bat Against Breast Cancer” program by placing pink ribbons on player and personnel uniforms, on the bases, special home plates, pink lineup cards, and various other promotional items.  Most notably, players will be seen swinging pink bats on Mother’s Day.  Much of the promotional items will be sold and auctioned with proceeds going to the Komen Foundation.

Having the players in Chicago do such a pleasant gesture will likely help get their completely awesome and underrated loud mouthed manager’s antics on the back page.  In recent days, manager Ozzie Guillen has popped off with an obscenity laced tirade that centered around the White Sox being “Chicago’s bitch” when compared to the lovable loser Cubs,  as well as bringing in sex blowup dolls to the clubhouse (with bats jammed in the back door and a sign that said “You gotta push” – at least nobody got caught banging it like the guy in this video).  Guillen was once ordered to sensitivity training classes after he called reporter Jay Mariotti (most notably on ESPN’s Around the Horn) a “fag”.  Apparently many people don’t agree with Mariotti, as evidenced by there being a site called www.jaythejoke.com and it is also worth mentioning that Ozzie Guillen has not let up on him either.

Hey at least the Sox are getting a head start on helping the Mother’s Day cause, even if their season may be heading in the wrong direction.  And enjoy our photoshop of Ozzie helping the cause too.  Any other pink Mother’s Day photoshops out there?

Milwaukee’s Miller Park Ranked #2 Ballpark in Nation

A recent Sports Illustrated survey of baseball fans nationwide ranked the Milwaukee Brewers’ Miller Park the second-best baseball stadium in the nation, in terms of home-fan satisfaction:

Miller Park

Now Griff would rank MP at #1, given that the top spot went to Progressive Park in Cleveland, which is not so progressive as to actually have built a retractable dome for their often-cold-and-rainy city:

Progressive Park

As Brewer’s radio announcer Jim Powell points out on his blog, the Indians actually had to vacate PP (ha!) last April due to snowy weather. And where did they go to play 3 games against the Angels? Miller-f*ing-Park!

Now apparently home fans in Cleveland are slightly more satisfied with their home ballpark than are Milwaukee fans, and it appears that this may have something to do with the fact that they serve chicken and waffles (hopefully not together) at PP. Of course, they’re going to be freezing their wet asses off while eating their oh-so-delicious soul food.

However, MP took the trophy for food. I mean, five different kinds of Klements sausage + secret stadium sauce?

Brat + Stadium Sauce

Cmon! Get those rain-soaked soggy waffles outta my face!

Cleveland fans should remember that the retractable dome not only saved their asses last year, but may do so again in the future. While I was not always a big fan of the RD, I think it really is a must-have for Midwestern ballparks in the new millennium. Since the US hasn’t done anything much to stop climate change, the weather during the spring season sucks ass and will only get worse – and baseball stadiums need to be able to deal with that kind of weather. Now Griff has done her share of freezing her ass off during hour-long rain delays at County Stadium because she had lower level box seats and wouldn’t move up to sheltered (non-box-seat) ground…but it blows. And for those of us who now have to travel long distances to see our team play, it really bites to see games get rained out.

So here’s to Miller Park – in my opinion, El Estadio Numero Uno for baseball!

Oh, and speaking of domes, Gooch will like this one from Jim Powell: “I also found it funny that Cardinals’ fans overrate their new stadium and underrate their team.” But we all know that Bro Taguchi does just the opposite, so let’s give him a few props while we’re at it.

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 4-25-08 part 2

Spanky beat me to the punch, so here is a second edition… oops

Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy:

Spanky would like to add this video on DoubleViking:
“Something is goin’ on, can I smell yo’ dick?”

Natty Broadcaster Takes Cubs Fans to Task

Cincinnati Reds’ broadcast-hall-of-famer Marty Brennaman recently spent about two minutes ripping on Cubs fans after they threw not just the ball hit but also a shit-ton of other balls onto the field after a Reds’ home run at Wrigley Field. Calling Cubs fans “the most obnoxious fans in baseball in this league,” Brennaman let loose about what baseball fans like Griff have known for a long time: Cubs fans suck. Now what could account for the painfully obnoxious behavior of these fans? Maybe it’s simply because they’re from Chicago. Maybe it’s too much Old Style. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s been almost a century since they’ve won a World Series and it hurts. Or any combination of the above. Either way, this dude is hilarious:

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ky9Kso9q_Ws[/youtube]

My favorite part: “It’s ridiculous, it really is … You simply root against them. I’ve said all winter, people talk about this team winning the division, and my comment is they won’t win it because at the end of the day, they’re still the Chicago Cubs and they will figure out a way to screw this whole thing up.”

Word.

Backup New York Giants Tight End Kevin Boss Godly Wikipedia

Kevin Boss Strange Wikipedia Entry

The New York Giants won the NFL Super Bowl back in February over the 18-1 not 19-0TM New England Patriots. Many have attributed some of the success to the fact that disruptive pro bowl tight end Jeremy Shockey got hurt and was unable to play. Rumors have since circulated that Shockey will be traded, released, or somehow not with the team next year and the move is likely to come during the first day of the NFL Draft.

Shockey’s replacement Kevin Boss is the only one that does not believe that.

“He’ll be back,” Boss said, per Vacchiano. “I’ve got a lot more to learn from him. He’s been a great mentor. Obviously he’s a better player than me. He can do some things I can’t yet.”

Doing a little research on the modest not as good Boss shows he is right about Shockey being the superior douchebag and football player regardless of whether he is right about him being back in blue next season or not. Research lead to the Kevin Boss Wikipedia entry that seemed simple enough except for one strange line (maybe I am missing something somewhere???):

Kevin Boss has also been referred to by many as God in the second coming.

WTF does that mean? Is that a prank? Is that a rightfully mad Giants fan that sees that Boss is not THAT good that you can throw away a talent like Shockey? Or is that Shockey himself editing that entry, after all he is disgruntled by the perception that the Giants got better when he was off the field.

Anyone have any insight on this or the Patriots trying to trade mark “19-0″ (link above) when they finished 18-1? Don’t Stop Believing