Where’s Terrell Owens? Porn Shoot with the Bang Bros Maybe?

Is that Terrell Owens in the background of a Bang Bros porn shoot?

Several blogs are speculating that Dallas Cowboy football superstar Terrell Owens is seen in the background of a photo (above) at a hardcore porn photo shoot by the Bang Bros. This reminds me of Where’s Waldo (also above) and only really gets mentioned because IF this is TO, then him cheesing in the background is pretty funny. I can’t imagine NFL commissioner Roger Goodell would be too happy.

In terms of this being some “dirty” sex scandal or something, this photo does not hold any weight. Apparently TO, or this guy, is not seen in any of the other pictures and the Bang Bros crew did not respond when asked by reporters whether Terrell Owens had a cameo in one of their pieces. Is it possible he was just walking by? This photo almost looks like the dude and the alleged TO are sharing a “I can’t believe a pro football player is coincidently walking up on a dude about to get some dome” moment.

TO continually gets press for his body, but he would really have to do more than this picture to top Dennis Rodman‘s sexcapade photos.

Who are the Bang Bros (NSFW) anyway? They didn’t ever have a bus (NSFW) did they?

el oh el

Dear Atlanta Falcons, Please Don’t Draft Matt Ryan 3rd

Photoshop of Matt Ryan holding a Falcons jersey at the draft

The Atlanta Falcons have the third pick in the 2008 NFL Draft that is being held in New York this weekend. Matt Ryan, the quarterback from Boston College has been tabbed as the most likely candidate to be drafted first among the quarterbacks eligible. Being that the Falcons have Chris “I was selling insurance a couple of years ago” Redman, Joey Harrington (cut then inexplicably re-signed cheaper), and local hero DJ Shockley, it would seem that the Falcons need to address the quarterback position. In fact it is apparent they will draft one, it is just uncertain when that will be.

I am not 100% sold on the fact that Michael Vick is not coming back to the Falcons to play football. I cannot treat the situation like the Cub fans did Kerry Wood and Mark Prior for years – expecting them to come back and be lights out. I did like how Redman played last year and was fond of Shockley before his injury. Harrington is nice enough but tried to give the job away to Byron Leftwich and ultimately Redman on numerous occasions. Him being back on the team is more surprising than Alge Crumpler, Warrick Dunn, DeAngelo Hall, Rod Coleman, and the others not being back on the team. It appears that Shockley will likely be the odd man out when the new QB is picked.

The Falcons need many things and are loaded with picks to get them in this draft. My hope is that they pass on the uncertain Ryan in favor of a defensive player like Glenn Dorsey and grab a quarterback later. There is a chance that Ryan could do a Brady Quinn fall and the Falcons could trade back up to get him then. Any of the second tier QB’s in the draft paired with Dorsey net a bigger gain then Ryan and anyone else in my opinion.

Also quarterback drafting is far from a science. This study (aimed at jabbing at Brett Favre’s replacement Aaron Rodgers) shows the high risks involved with drafting a quarterback in the first round (not to mention the ridiculous costs for players that have yet to touch the field).

66-0? Damn!


The coach of Kawamoto technical high school threw in the towel to spare his pitcher’s arm with his team losing 66-0 with just one batter out in the bottom of the second. “

DAMN! That sucks. The players probably won’t be wearing their baseball team jacket around school for a while.

We’ll send over Bro Taguchi. He’ll coach their way to a score of 66-4.

-MC Spanky McGee

Hillary Clinton is Rocky Balboa?

Hillary Clinton as Rocky Balboa

Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton says she is like Sylvester Stallone’s HGH enhanced geriatric famous movie boxer, Rocky Balboa. She means she never quits… even when maybe she should. Her opponent in this fight, Barack Obama is far more like Ivan Drago or Mason “The Line” Dixon (aka Antonio “Magic Man” Tarver) than he is Tommy Gunn.

We get it, Senator Hillary Clinton embodies the American “never say die” spirit. We appreciate it. I think most of us even like her for it, and like her in general (even like the idea of Hillary basing her entire future on some bowling). That being said, that Rocky quip is certainly worth a photoshop.

It’s called “AGUA,” dude.

From the Chicago Tribune:

The Cubs have pleaded with Carlos Zambrano to drink fluids during starts to prevent the cramping that has haunted him in the past, but their words have fallen on deaf ears.

And when Zambrano’s most dominant Opening Day performance was halted in the seventh inning Monday by forearm cramps, leaving him winless in four opening starts, the “water” question cropped up again.

This dude has apparently never heard of hydration. When asked about it, Zambrano said

he felt OK and conceded he has to “drink water” to prevent the cramping. Zambrano also repeated he would do something so “it doesn’t happen again” (my emphasis).

Something? Something? Dude just said he has to drink water, so how about trying that to ensure “it doesn’t happen again?” Now Griff would be very pleased if he sticks to drinking coffee, but COME ON.

This is where things get really funny:

The Cubs have had different theories for Zambrano’s cramps, dating back to former manager Dusty Baker’s contention that Zambrano may have carpel tunnel syndrome from working on his computer so often.

Zambrano even curtailed his computer use for a while, but the cramping has not stopped being an issue.

Maybe the dude’s looking up his “cramping problem” on WebMD. Indeed, the conclusion of the article indicates he has not yet been able to diagnose himself:

After a brief postgame interview session, Zambrano refused to answer questions about it at his locker after Monday’s game, showing the frustration of a man who’s constantly looking for answers.

I got your answer, son: Stop reading about Mudbutt on Soupy Trumpet and get yourself a glass of agua…it’s that clear stuff that comes out of your kitchen fregadero.

The Boston Red Sox Skip Spring Training Game and Vote Not to Go To Japan for Season Openers (RESOLVED)

Boston Red Sox Vote to Skip Flight to Japan

The Boston Red Sox did not take the field until an hour after the start time today for their final spring training game in Florida against the Toronto Blue Jays and earlier Red Sox Players voted to not board the plane that would take them to Japan for their to season openers against the Oakland Athletics. Mike Lowell, a player and team spokesman of sorts, said the team voted unanimously to skip the game and the flight because Major League Baseball has not followed through with promises surrounding the trip scheduled for departure later today.

The Red Sox were upset about the fact that their staff and coaches were not going to receive the $40,000 they were promised as a travel fund for the two exhibition games and two regular season games. According to pitcher Curt Schilling, there were other promises that had “already been taken away.” The Oakland A’s were going to discuss their stance on the issue before their game against the Chicago Cubs today.

An hour after the World Champion Red Sox did not take the field, a deal was in the works with MLB to work the situation out and ultimately the game is being played right now and the BoSox have agreed to make the trip to Tokyo.  It is being reported that the staff will receive the stipends that were in dispute.  Out of fear that the opener would not get played, opening day pitcher and Japanese born Daisuke Matsuzaka aka “Dice-K” was sent to pitch a Triple-A game and seemingly will not be the starting pitcher for the opening day.

This potentially could have been may still be disastrous for the game of baseball that is already under heavy scrutiny for heavy steroid use and a salary cap situation that many feel is out of control.  Japanese players like Matsuzaka, Ichiro Suzuki, and Hideki Matsui have been making the jump to America to play in the big leagues with great success.  The fanbase back in Japan is growing and playing these games over there is a logical fit.

Boston Red Sox Japanese Contingent

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Homerun King Barry Bonds Unemployed – Possibly Blackballed by MLB?

Barry Bonds Homerun King Blackballed

It is two weeks until the 2008 MLB baseball season begins and arguably the best baseball player ever, Barry Bonds, still does not have a job.  The MLBPA (Major League Baseball Players Association) will be looking into this peculiar situation as a part of its annual free agency review according to Donald Fehr the head of the union.  Is there really any chance that the Home Run King has been blackballed by commissioner Bud Selig and the MLB owners?

Of course Barry Bonds has had his name thrown about for his alleged grand jury perjury and alleged use of steroids (“the clear” and “the cream” possibly given to him by his trainer and friend Greg Anderson) in the Balco and MLB investigations.  He is also considered a jerk to the media at times (maybe that is why they make things up about him) and a prima donna.  Barry broke Hank Aaron’s all time home run record last year too, so the chase is over for that one as well.  He is 43 years old and carries a high price tag too.  All of these factors should discourage some teams, but not all.

Are those factors really enough to warrant very little public interest in him from the 32 MLB baseball franchises?  We have heard about Tony La Russa and the Cardinals and then the Tampa Bay Rays discussing adding Bonds internally, but not much else from the other franchises.

Barry Bonds has done more than enough to deserve a roster spot in big leagues.  His career numbers are superior to almost all players ever to play the game.  He played with speed, had amazing defense, became the greatest power hitter ever, and had the most patience at the plate of anyone before him as he has drawn record numbers of walks, intentional or otherwise.  Just last year he lead the entire league in walks and had 28 home runs in 132 games while hitting .276.  He had a better season than many outfielders gainfully employed.

He could fit a team like the St. Louis Cardinals that need a big bat to protect their slugger Albert Pujols and can platoon with the young outfielders asked to play everyday.  He could fit a team like the Tampa Bay Rays that need to sell tickets and improve as a franchise.  Barry will pass 3,000 hits and 2,000 RBI milestones this season.  He could fit a team like the Oakland Athletics that are already familiar with him from his days across the bay in San Francisco and could use a designated hitter.  Another fit would be the powerhouse teams like the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees that could bolster the middle of their lineups with a deadly left-handed bat.

I would love to wake up tomorrow and hear that Barry Bonds has signed with the Atlanta Braves, but I am not counting on it (and praying he does not land on the Mets or Phillies rosters).  In the next two weeks though, if we do not hear that he has been signed, you better believe this “blackball” story will escalate.

Boston Celtics Star Kevin Garnett Accused of Tanking Minnesota Timberwolves

Photoshop of Kevin Garnett Tanks Timberwolves

In 1995 Kevin Garnett was drafted 5th overall by the Minnesota Timberwolves out of Chicago Farragut Academy High School at the age of 19.  “The Kid” was the first player in 20 some years to make the jump from high school to professional basketball in the NBA.  He immediately became known as “The Franchise” essentially for being the pillar of the Minnesota Timberwolves.  He played there for 12 seasons and was the highest tenured player with one team before being traded to the Boston Celtics in the biggest trade (most players included) in NBA history.  The Celtics also added Ray Allen and already had Paul Pierce, so the three stars set the bar high for the Celtics.

KG changed his number from 21 to 5 but his high level of play has continued as the Celtics are cruising into the playoffs as division winners and the Timberwolves have won less than 25% of their games.  During his time in Minnesota, “The Big Ticket” won Olympic gold, League and All Star MVP trophies, 11 All Star appearances, 8 time All-Defensive and All-NBA, won rebound and points titles, playoff appearances, and even the J. Walter Kennedy Citizen Award… not to mention numerous T’wolves franchise records.  He is considered by many to be one of the top players in the league now, and possibly ever.

In 2004 the T’wolves streak of eight consecutive trips to the playoffs hit an end and the team started to fall apart.  Throughout all of the problems, it was perceived that even while frustrated, KG wanted to stick it out and the team owner Glen Taylor intended to accommodate that.  That being said, Garnett’s name continued to come up in trade rumors and finally the trade to Boston, GM Kevin McHale’s old team, happened.  The two teams went in opposite directions.  Now Taylor has made the mistake of claiming Garnett “tanked it” last year with an injury in the final handful of games.  Garnett has been loved by fans for his hard work and dedication to winning, seemingly earning all of his money.  They lost him sure, but it did not seem to be too much bad blood between KG and the twin-cities fans.  It is also worth noting that the team has long been accused of tanking games to gain better draft spots.  In these few poorly chosen words, Taylor may have isolated THE player that should be immortalized as the Timberwolves’ finest player.  When he retires, he may not be too thrilled to be associated with a team that spit on his legacy in a fit of sour grapes.

If the Celtics win a championship, Glen Taylor has lost his “Big Ticket” and his “Franchise” likely for good.

The Rockets on Dikembe

This speaks for itself. The Rockets have won 22 straight games…second-longest win streak in NBA history. They’ve done it in spite of the fact that they lost their all-star center Yao Ming aka “Ki-wi-check” for the season a couple weeks ago. At the time, the injury appeared devastating. Since that date, the Rockets have 11 in a row. Like it or not, they are a contender and they appear to be having fun.

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://youtube.com/watch?v=F3MA9m9_FJQ[/youtube]

I’ll reiterate…WATCH THE NBA PLAYOFFS THIS YEAR! It will be the best 2.5 months of hoops you’ve seen in years.


Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 3-14-08

Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy: