Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 4-25-08 part 2

Spanky beat me to the punch, so here is a second edition… oops

Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy:

Spanky would like to add this video on DoubleViking:
“Something is goin’ on, can I smell yo’ dick?”

“Sex takes 3 to 13 minutes.” Thank you. I had no clue.

Sex takes 3 to 13 minutes, study says

A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.

If that sounds like good news to you, don’t cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as “too short.”

No shit. Maybe the sexual noobs don’t know this stuff, but I doubt that they’re that ignorant. After all, every other comic on Comedy Central makes a joke about either premature ejaculation or sex taking too long. (Remember the “Wrap it up” box?)

Ok, maybe hardcore Christian sexual noobs don’t know this stuff. They’ve been busy:

But those sexually-competent folks hardly need this study. I’m sure the clock gets involved sometimes.

“Oh Spanky, but it’s up to science to confirm or falsify what the folk believe.”

Fine. You read the journal article. I’m busy.

-MC Spanky McGee

Toggle your wireless card with Autohotkey (Win XP)

Ok, people, this one is a bit more involved.

Start off at

1. Read this part, and do what they say:

Download DevCon package from by clicking here and extract the package and copy the appropriate version (file in I386 folder for 32 bit Windows or file in Ia64 folder for 64 bit windows) to the C:\windows\system32\ folder.

2. Skip the step entited “Determining Device Instance ID.” There is an easier way than theirs. (If mine doesn’t work, then use theirs.) Go to control panel, then system, then device manager, then find your wireless card under Network adapters. Double click on your device, and click on the “details” tab. Choose Device Instance Id from the scrollbox. Here you will see something that looks like this:


Your prolly won’t look exactly like mine. I have bolded the part that matters. Copy that part–whatever it is. Don’t include the &s.


3. Create a new Autohotkey script. (NOOBS: Install Autohotkey. go and get it done. Create and save a new script. (To learn how to create your first script, start here).


Here’s what my script looks like:


#1::Run devcon enable *DEV_4220*

#2::Run devcon disable *DEV_4220*

Note the asterisks–put them in. Save your script, and then make sure your script is running. In my script above, pressing Windows key and 1 turns on my wireless card, and pressing Windows key and 2 turns off my wireless card.

I don’t need to use the command line now to toggle my wireless card. Also, no more clicking through menus! This is helpful when I want to extend my laptop’s battery life and I don’t need or don’t have WiFi access.

-MC Spanky McGee

Boston Dynamics’ RHEX: another creepy-ass, but cool, robot (YouTube)

[youtube width="425" height="355"][/youtube]

All I can say is, “Holy shit.”Too bad they don’t show what it does after it tumbles down that bigass pile of rocks. That would be a clincher.

I’m starting to feel a little…

sarah connor

(Just kidding, Boston Dynamics. I’m kidding.)

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 3-14-08

Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy:

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 3-6-08

Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy:

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 3-4-08

Here’s another Soupy Trumpet daily-dose of internet finds to enjoy:

Spanky’s fav Autohotkey codes, part 2

On my aging Dell laptop, they provided a special “internet key”–it launched a browser when I first got the system. It’s akin to these guys in the silver oval:


But, as the user reinstalls Windows (over and over and over), this internet key becomes worthless. I don’t know why this happens exactly, but it’s obvious that the new installation doesn’t assign the same function to the key.

Using the kickass program, Autohotkey, we can restore its browser-launching capabilities.

1. Install Autohotkey. If you haven’t already, you’re an idiot. Just kidding. go and get it done.

2. Create and save a new script. (If you’re a noob, start here)

3. Follow these directions from their help file, with the subheading “List of Keys, Mouse Buttons, and Joystick Controls”:

If your keyboard or mouse has a key not listed above, you might still be able to make it a hotkey by using the following steps (requires Windows XP/2000/NT or later):

Ensure that at least one script is running that is using the keyboard hook. You can tell if a script has the keyboard hook by opening its main window and selecting “View->Key history” from the menu bar.
Double-click that script’s tray icon to open its main window.
Press one of the “mystery keys” on your keyboard.
Select the menu item “View->Key history”
Scroll down to the bottom of the page. Somewhere near the bottom are the key-down and key-up events for your key. NOTE: Some keys do not generate events and thus will not be visible here. If this is the case, you cannot directly make that particular key a hotkey because your keyboard driver or hardware handles it at a level too low for AutoHotkey to access. For possible solutions, see further below.
If your key is detectible, make a note of the 3-digit hexadecimal value in the second column of the list (e.g. 159).
To define this key as a hotkey, follow this example:
SC159:: ; Replace 159 with your key’s value.
MsgBox, %A_ThisHotKey% was pressed.

Ok, once you’ve done all that,you can now write a script to launch a browser. You can use mine:

Run C:\Program Files\Mozilla Firefox\firefox.exe
WinWait, My Yahoo!,
IfWinNotActive, My Yahoo!, , WinActivate, My Yahoo!
WinWaitActive, My Yahoo!,
WinMaximize, My Yahoo!

SC101 is the name of my Dell Inspiron 5150′s internet key–the name of your key might be different. The above script starts Firefox and activates it for me. One button press, baby, one press.

Of course, you should have all sorts of combos going in Autohotkey, but this is a good start. If you put in some time on the front end with Autohotkey’s learning curve, it will pay big dividends in the end.

Peace out, Napoleon.

-MC Spanky McGee

State Farm, get out of the damned stone age.

Man, I’ve been with State Farm a long time, probably too long. They insure my piece-of-shit vehicle.

I gotta tell you, their damn website is so janky, you can’t even schedule a future payment. In their FAQ, they write:

Can I schedule a payment to be made at a later date?
Not at this time.  As we enhance our EBPP [Electronic Bill Presentment and Payment] process by adding more features and options, this ability will be available.

“Not at this time”??? Look bro, feed the damn hamster that runs your server, and get the ability to to allow your customers to make future AND RECURRING payments. You guys ain’t that broke.

Yeah, yeah. I should kick these Atari-playing 8-track fans to the curb, but I’m too lazy to do it, although I’m apparently motivated enough to do a craptastic photoshop job and crank out this bitch-job of a post.

state farm commodore

Since I can’t use my computer to pay my damn bills from State Farm, I’ll just use it to play Oregon Trail instead.

-MC Spanky McGee

NASA, Apple join KFC in the race for alien business

NASA on Monday will broadcast the Beatles’ song “Across the Universe” across the galaxy to Polaris, the North Star.

The idea came from Martin Lewis, a Los Angeles-based Beatles historian, who then got permission from McCartney, Yoko Ono and the two companies that own the rights to Beatles’ music. One of those companies, Apple, was happy to approve the idea because is ‘always looking for new markets,’ Lewis said. “

Apple is a bit slow here, since this has been in style ever since KFC started selling chicken to aliens. However, I’m sure that aliens will be happy to add crappy Finger Eleven songs to their playlists.

In other news, during a Soupy Trumpet conference call yesterday morning, Grown Pumpkin assured Trumpet shareholders that the company would surely expand its dog crap delivery service to aliens. Bro Taguchi, however, was skeptical that Pumpkin’s dog, Mudbutt, could keep up with demand on Degoba.

-MC Spanky McGee