Chinese students protest XMAS?

Reuters reports that some Chinese students are calling upon people to “resist Western cultural invasion.”

That’s hilarious, because the cannot resist. Christmas is far too big to stop now. And by “Christmas,” I mean “That day around which we go into massive credit card debt in order to buy things for people because somehow we found ourselves on this goddamned train and it started rolling and we couldn’t get off.” We are all already locked into Christmas, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Everyone who has tried to resist has heard the Ubiquitous Agents of Christmas ask: “What, you don’t celebrate Christmas? Well, fuck you, Scrooge!” The social pressure to keep Christmas alive and beefy is unreal.
Maybe we can get off the train?

I’ll you tell you a secret. My family barely celebrates Christmas. This trend started off after my parents got divorced, and Christmas was never quite the same after that. It limped along on life-support for years–although Stepmom McGee gave it some life here and there.

Now, most (not all) of the McGee children are remorseless Godless heathens and generally have been broke for being in school too long (Ah, baby Jesus rewards the faithful with financial gifts and punishes the unfaithful, doesn’t he, Joel Osteen?). Our reasons for not celebrating xmas have changed. It’s not that the adult children still have bad memories from Christmas past–it’s that we can’t afford to buy presents.

Don’t get me wrong. We’re not poor, by any means. By “We can’t afford to buy presents,” I mean, “We currently don’t have much in the checking account for more than beer and day-to-day expenses, and we do have the available creditbut we burned our fingers on that stove and we’re not gonna touch it again.”

We are bombarded by all the advertising to get us to spend, spend, spend. I still feel that fucking urge to spend. And I see shit I want, and I think, “I could use that. It’d be awesome if my pops bought me that for xmas.” Maybe it’s the case that I know xmas is coming up, and so I think, “Hey, it’s the time I usually get stuff. Let me see what stuff I can conjure up.” I don’t need that shit. People in Baghdad probably don’t care about having a Wii–they just don’t want to be blown up randomly. Yes–I just pulled a “It could be worse…”
I think that I’m in some sort of netherworld. (Dorky word: “netherworld.”) I feel sickened by all the manipulation of advertising. I don’t want a commercial to turn me into the zombie it wants me to be. But then again, I admire its genius when it works. It gives us the fun shit: cars, Nintendos, computers, Sprite, The Wiggles, DVDs, Grown Pumpkin’s neon-green undercarriage lights (his “ground effects”), etc. But this just means that advertising has done its work on me. Think of all the commercials you watched when you were a child. I imagine their effect is ongoing and accumulating. As Zack once said: “What does the billboard say? ‘Come and play… come and play… forget about the movement…’ ”

People much smarter than I have said this before: you can’t ditch the aspects of your given identity completely. If you try, you end up looking crazy. But some combinations of your given attitudes don’t mesh, so you can’t just fully embrace the total package. For example, I have a deep suspicion that capitalism and Christianity aren’t the good friends they think they are. Do we really think that Jesus would want us to celebrate by buying more stuff for each other? What about merely performing some service for each other (showing your mom how to bookmark her favorite websites)? Or giving aid to the unfortunate–those who can’t pull themselves up by their bootstraps (and that’s yet another topic)? Does Jesus want me to have credit card debt?

It turns out that I’m one of those kids that wants the marshmallow now, but I also want two later. I’m betting those who want the one marshmallow now turn out to have more credit card debt.

Blah blah. Here’s where I am. Listen, Christmas, you’re a sexy and well-oiled machine. You got yerself a bigass engine under that hood. But I ain’t going into anymore credit card debt for ya. But I see you. And you see me.

Happy Holidays. Damn.

-Agent Spanky

Agent Spanky McGee likes doing computer maintenance for his friends and family, because it’s fun, empowering to them, and saves them money. He also likes eating dinner and drinking good beer with them.

This entry was posted in Entertainment, Philosophy/Religion, Propaganda, Random Lashing Out by MC_Spanky_ McGee. Bookmark the permalink.

About MC_Spanky_ McGee

Spanky really likes Wendy's #6, and does not buy the so-called purist's prohibition against adding onions or pepperjack to Spicy Chicken. Spanks also rocks out El Burrito Loco in DeKalb, IL. Winners: Arby's, Taco Bell, and Burger King. Losers: Taco John's and people who don't cuss. Slappy is a firm believer in evolution, loves his iPod, and does not like the Republican Party. Slappy also likes double-bass-driven metal (Tool, Lamb of God, etc), funk, classic rock, but also likes classical and pop music.

826 thoughts on “Chinese students protest XMAS?

  1. I feel like I know you so much better….but try as you will, the spirit of giving has a hold on me. There are two presents under my tree for Sir Spanksalot!

  2. My suspicion is that Christmas is as holy and worthwhile and necessary as those who celebrate the birth of Jesus, the son of man who would have been MOST unhappy to know how some folks have acted and become completely psycho in the assertion that doing such atrocities is his name is a cool thing.

    The Madison Av thing is a relatively recent phenomenon: and it’s easy to succumb to the Fa-la-la-la. But for those who celebrate the spirit of Christmas, the possiblities of mankind, the original goodness we can all break through to,
    L’Chai-im, Here’s to you.

    And God bless us everyone.

  3. I think the solution to Spanky’s “beer and day-to-day expenses” problem is just to buy beer for friends for Christmas. That way you can give the gift that keeps on giving, and it’s a whole hell of a lot better than frankincense or myrrh! I sure hope that’s what Spanky is getting ME for Xmas. (Notice that I DID take the Christ out of Christmas in this particular context. I figured the Baby Jesus and PBR don’t go particularly well together.)

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