I ain’t goin’ nowhere.

Hurricane Irene (credit: NASA)

Hurricane Irene (credit: NASA)

CNN is reporting about Hurricane Irene and President Obama’s response to it. It neverĀ  ceases to amaze me how stubborn people are. “Jesus will pull me through this storm.” Uh huh. Have you stopped to think about all the turkeys in the entire history of storms who said that and then found themselves two days later begging for divine mercy as the waves kept crashing down on their balsa wood shack?

Or what about these guys:

Charles Carawan [of North Carolina] said he planned to stay, along with his wife, son and $500,000 worth of crab stored at his seafood packaging business.

“I have nowhere else to go,” Carawan said.


You have “nowhere else to go”? Come on, homey. If you can afford $500,000 of crab, surely you can afford a Motel 6 in the middle of Indiana–which is, as far as I can tell, safe from the hurricane. (Although you might get attacked by Republican zombies there. Just buy a shotgun when you get there. I assure–there are plenty of those in Indiana.) Or is this just a failure of imagination: “You mean there are other places, besides North Carolina?”

Ok, I’m betting Carawan just wants to protect that crab shipment. Fine, dude. Try to hole your ass up in your little castle. Just don’t come crying to us when the crabs float back out to sea and Junior Carawan is trying to make a raft out of them.

The real question will be whether Obama will handle this any better than the way that Bush handled Katrina. Since a deformed monkey hopped up on crystal meth and pixie sticks could do a better job than Bush did, I think Obama will be ok.


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