Neckin’ at the Ballgame

Two lesbians were making out at the Mariners’ game last week and were asked to stop by an usher.

Certain individuals have not yet caught up. Those people see a gay or lesbian couple and they stare or say something,” said Josh Friedes of Equal Rights Washington. “This is one of the challenges of being gay. Everyday things can become sources of trauma.

Backup, bro. You forgot an important element…they saw a lesbian couple making out. And I challenge the idea that making out is an “everyday thing.” As my ex-girlfriend’s mom used to say, making out in public is tacky. At least make sure you’re in an unoccupied section of the ballpark before you start getting close…like these two (ironically, I believe this is also from a Mariners’ game in the old Kingdome and I can’t believe I’m posting it…link only tho):

view.aspx?ContentID=353366

This legendary video is also extremely tacky. But, of course, we love the soft-porn, don’t we?

More importantly, do we really expect to throw gay nookie at the masses and expect them to accept? It’s an advanced concept.

“I was really just shocked,” Guerrero said. “Seattle is so gay-friendly. There was a couple like seven rows ahead making out. We were just showing affection.”

Shocked? Come oooooooooon….Granted, the straight couple making out needs to be smacked upside the head. But gay-friendliness has nothing to do with gay-making-out friendliness. In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, “We’re trying to have a society here!” Gay culture is a slightly nuanced issue for 5-year-olds to handle. Granted, we’re trying to move that society toward accepting ALL people…but a 5-year-old may still ask his mother why a disabled individual is in a wheelchair or why a Muslim is wearing a burqa. And they definitely will ask why those two women are making out two rows ahead. Mommy may not be ready to answer, and that’s Mommy’s own fault. But it’s not that shocking…even in Seattle. When you make a display at the ballgame, like the lesbian fan base of the New York Liberty made it a point to do several years ago, you’re going to cause a stir. If you wanna do that…fine by me. Maybe not fine by others. But you can’t possibly be SOOOOO shocked when someone kindly asks the usher to quash the PDA.

The same goes for drunken behavior at a game and many other unnecessary pasttimes. Nobody needs to buy a ticket to have a mack-session. It’s like I told the Sierra Club, there’s a difference between where we want to be as a society and where we are. You can force-feed if you want, but don’t be surprised by the reactions of those who “have not yet caught up.

Furthermore, I understand that these issues should be brought to the surface, but not under the auspices of victimization. Victimization damages your own cause. What I’m asking you to do is to create advanced responses to un-advanced human reactions.

The best response to the usher’s request? “Sure. We’ll stop kissing if you ask the couple down there to stop kissing.” Then keep kissing til he does it…and don’t be shocked by the backlash. Be prepared to leave the stadium. Don’t tell CNN how shocked you are. None of us are shocked.

(Wow–look at the Gooch walking the tightrope on that one…yes-but, if-but, yes-but)

Brief review: Russian Circles, live at the Picador, June 3rd, 2008.

I saw Russian Circles last night in Iowa City at the Picador. My bro and an old buddy of his drove out for this show.

http://www.russiancircles.net/
http://www.myspace.com/russiancircles

This was my first encounter with this band, and I was very happy. The drummer, Dave Turncrantz, makes me think of a Dave Grohl-Danny Carey bastard love child. Since I am a drummer, this is the first thing to which I listen in hearing a band.

One thing that I noted was that the guitarist, Mike Sullivan, is very rhythmically-minded, and this gives Turncrantz something to latch on to. When drummers aren’t led by this kind of guitarist, they sound too busy. But the three musicians complement each other quite nicely, and they keep things interesting enough that you don’t even miss a voice. (They’re instrumental. Ballsy–and awesome).

If you’re an old Rush fan like myself, you’ll dig this kind of music.

It’s no wonder that Tool had these guys open on the European leg of the tour.

So, as I’m still unfamiliar with this band (and as I was kinda Drunky McGee last night), you don’t get much from my review other than a general “HELL YEAH!”

Verdict:
$8 = a goddamned bargain for 3 great musicians.

-MC Spanky McGee

Liberty City Police Face Allegations of Incompetence, Brutality

This is for Spanky and Pumpkin (and I imagine a shitload of others).

The full story is here:

LIBERTY CITY—With the city in the midst of a record crime wave, concerned citizens claim the Liberty City Police Department has done little to prevent the constant car chases, ongoing gun battles, and overall atmosphere of violence that pervade the area.

“I used to feel safe in Liberty City, but lately, it’s been total mayhem,” said night-shift worker Lola Del Rio, who spoke to reporters while sucking nervously on a red lollipop. “In the past week alone, I’ve been carjacked twice, run over 10 times, and witness to a half-dozen gunfights that ended with automobiles exploding. What are the police doing to stop all this?”

[...] one LCPD official, who wished to remain anonymous, blamed the recent crime wave on the police department’s lack of proper equipment.

“We are only equipped to pursue a suspect within a small radius on a very basic half-centimeter radar screen,” the officer said. “If we were allowed to seek criminals who escaped this radius for more than 15 seconds, our results would improve dramatically.”

“And to those who say the LCPD is too quick to resort to deadly force, remember that almost 850,000 police officers, FIB agents, and N.O.O.S.E. [National Office of Security Enforcement] team members have died in the line of duty in the past month,” he added.

Aretha? Celeste? Bovary? Mulva? A promised post about 5 things that freak men out.

All right. Due to Spanky and sich freuen’s completely unnecessary posts (see also here) and comments on various ointments they like to put on their nipples, sacks, and other sensitive areas, Griff has (as promised) put together a post on those things that men don’t like to think talk about. However, in order to make it a worthwhile post, I have decided to present you Soupy Trumpet readers with a list of facts about these “gross” topics that is both interesting and informative – unlike certain posts about bag cream and the like. So here goes:

1. Terminology: Would you learn to get it straight once and for all? The area that includes the vaginal opening, the clit, the labia, the urethra, and the “mons veneris” (the so-called “bearded clam”) is called the ‘vulva’, not the ‘vagina’. The vagina is the canal that links the external sex organs with the reproductive organs. You guys are lucky if you get past the vaginal vestibule. For more instructive charts, click here.

Vagina!

2. “Sanitary” Products: As much as tampons and pads freak you guys out (try getting your bf to buy you “supplies”), it turns out that menstrual blood is actually very clean. In fact, it’s a hell of a lot cleaner than that bleeding paper cut you got turning the pages of Big Jugs Monthly. And it looks like it might be an as-of-yet-untapped source of stem cells!

Tampon Dolls 

3. Sometimes it gets itchy “down there”: Yes, vaginal yeast infections are gross. No one likes an itchy crotch (or cottage-cheesy vaginal discharge). But did you know that men can get them too?

4. Strange-shaped Titties: It’s not uncommon for one breast to be bigger/smaller/higher/lower than the other one, especially at certain times of the month. This is not abnormal, so don’t get weirded out if your woman’s a little lopsided. (Cosmo claims that it’s usually the left booby that is larger, but Griff doesn’t read Cosmo, let alone trust any “facts” they present.) Additionally, it’s often men that notice lumps or changes in their women’s tatas, so if you feel something weird while you’re groping around aimlessly, tell your woman ASAP. We also often enjoy you guys doing our breast exams for us, so learn how! Case in point below: Jason Giambi checks this babe for lumps with a permanent marker. (Think he’s wearing his magic gold thong?)

 Giambi Gives Woman Breast Exam?

5. The Clit: Kim Cattrall (“Samantha” of Sex and the City) boldly writes: “The women of the world want you to know that the clitoris is about an inch from where you think it is.” Amen. Many sites tell you not to feel ashamed if you can’t find it. Well, Griff is here to tell you that you should feel very ashamed! I know it’s (hopefully) smaller than your magnificent love rod which no one could miss, but it is very unlikely that you will be able to make your woman happy without knowing where it is. So stop talking about your balls and get to work finding the one thing that will make your woman roll her eyes in sarcasm ecstacy.

Weezer’s “Pork and Beans” video

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muP9eH2p2PI[/youtube]

Weezer reminds us about how dorky we all are for loving the internet–for being on on it.

Brilliant. It’s a “best-of” video.

And if you don’t recognize many of the clips in this video, you’re a damned Luddite.

The tune isn’t bad. It’s pretty classic Weezer, but that can’t hurt anybody.

-MC Spanky McGee

Clinton Set to Concede – Sorta?

According to this story, Hillary Clinton will concede that Obama has enough delegates to secure the nomination for the democratic presidential candidate:

WASHINGTON – Hillary Rodham Clinton will concede Tuesday night that Barack Obama has the delegates to secure the Democratic nomination, campaign officials said, effectively ending her bid to be the nation’s first female president.

Obama is 40 delegates shy of clinching the nomination, but he is widely expected to make up the difference Tuesday with superdelegate support and votes in South Dakota and Montana. Once he reaches the magic number of 2,118, Clinton will acknowledge that he has secured the necessary delegates to be the nominee.

The former first lady will stop short of formally suspending or ending her race in her speech in New York City.

She will pledge to continue to speak out on issues like health care. But for all intents and purposes, the two senior officials said, the campaign is over. [...]

The advisers said Clinton has made a strategic decision to not formally end her campaign, giving her leverage to negotiate with Obama on various matters including a possible vice presidential nomination for her. She also wants to press him on issues he should focus on in the fall, such as health care.

How much leverage should she have though if Obama has secured a necessary and sufficient number of delegates? Presumably she will have leverage via her supporters and Obama’s need to make nice with them. But if this is true:

A tsunami of superdelegates is poised to rush to Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) over the next 12 hours, giving him a mathematical lock on his party’s presidential nomination.

The superdelegate surge is likely to swamp a few holdouts within the camp of Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-Ill.) who have been resisting a prompt concession.

Then Clinton isn’t really doing Obama any kind of “favor,” nor can she say she is conceding out of good will for the democratic party, since she won’t have an f’n choice anyway. Or am I being uncharitable here? The last report continues:

Aides say Clinton does not plan to concede or bid supporters farewell when she speaks in New York tonight, but instead will salute her supporters and argue for the strength of her candidacy.

But her clout is ebbing by the hour. At 6:56 a.m. Eastern time, the Obama campaign announced the first of the day’s slew of endorsements by superdelegates – the Democratic Party officials who have a vote on the nominee and will determine who it is, since neither Obama nor Clinton have won enough delegates in primaries and caucuses to put them over the top.

Cheney calls West Virginians “inbred”

Cheney apologizes to West Virginians for inbreeding joke

Vice President Dick Cheney apologized Monday for what his spokeswoman called “an inappropriate attempt at humor” that implied that inbreeding is common among West Virginians, a remark that elicited outrage from the state’s senior senator. “

“So, I had Cheneys on both sides of the family — and we don’t even live in West Virginia,” Cheney cracked. After pausing for laughter from the crowd, Cheney added, “You can say those things when you’re not running for re-election.”

Cheney had the nerve to front-load the “joke” in way that reflected his belief that he didn’t have to apologize. In fact, I think in light of the addition to the joke, we don’t have to take the apology seriously. The addendum showed that this was not a misstatement; he deliberated–and delivered.

He meant it–as much as he meant to go to war with Saddam. He basically said: “And I won’t have to take it back.”

It does probably get frustrating to measure always what one has to say in the spotlight. I’m sure that these people probably cuss up a storm behind hermetically-sealed doors.

But politicians don’t get a free pass when they’re not up for re-election. They can’t just insult at anyone at will. But it’s not as if this kind of disrespect for the common person is new from the Bush administration. They’ve been dissing us all along.

-MC Spanky McGee

Michigan and Florida’s delegates get half a vote?

(Original pic here.)

Florida, Michigan Dems make their cases

Members of a Democratic rules committee voted on Saturday to seat all of Florida’s and Michigan’s delegation to the party’s national convention and give their delegates a half vote each. “

Half a vote is half a vote too much.

I’ll say it again and again. I don’t care: those states got their voices heard when they voted to elect the turkeys that decided to try to cheat and to move up their voting.

They weren’t disenfranchised. We heard them cheating.

“Winners don’t cheat and cheaters don’t win.” -Sydney Fartknocker

-MC Spanky McGee