Rovie says, “Can’t we all just get along?”

karl rove hawkeye 2

Karl Rove was heckled at a speaking engagement in Iowa City on Sunday. He attempted to shut up the unruly crowd with this golden nugget, “You got a chance to ask your questions later and make your stupid statements, let me make mine.” Well, Rovie, before I defend you I’ve got to blast yo ass…for the record. You were part of the mastermind behind the most reviled regime in the White House since…oh, I dunno…Andrew Jackson?!?!? Your #1 aide was criminally indicted on five felony counts of perjury before W let him off the hook. You produced four election victories for W (2 as gov, 2 as pres), starting with the absolute hijacking of John McCain ‘s bid for the nomination in South Carolina in 2000 (push poll question: “Would you be more likely or less likely to vote for John McCain for president if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?”). This is only scratching the surface of your atrocities. People don’t like you. Liberal America does not like you. They think you and the boys have…uh….messed up. So when you go into those bastions of liberalism such as Iowa City and rake in 40 Gs on a Sunday afternoon, you’re gonna get that. In fact, you might even deserve it…or a little more.

But Rove is right about one thing…it’s time for the angry libs to back down…at least as it pertains to rude interruptions and drown-out attempts during public speaking engagements. Never mind that political support for an imperialistic foreign policy is far more egregious than a little righteous public outrage in terms of ethics…it’s much easier to say “well, those people are just angry and mean-spirited.” And they’ll be right…know why? Because they have a vote, and the war we’re fighting is to change minds (not just to be right). If you want to mock Karl Rove, make him speak to an empty banquet hall. Just don’t go. The Roves of the world are only relevant when they have a name and face to rally against, and the IC hecklers gave him that perfect enemy…once again. They love nothing more than to argue that academia embraces fascists but hates Republicans (even if the argument is inaccurate). None of this is new. Republicans have been painting Dems as the angry malcontents for years.

Rovie, I’m willing to meet you in the middle. Spanky and I have been scheming on bringing former WH Press Secretary Scott McClellan to party in IC for 2 years….that dude needs a beer! Besides, we just wanted to shoot the shit with him (“How bout that flood control, huh?”).

I’d like to extend that formal invitation to you, too, Rovie. You pick a football game…we’ll host the tailgate. We won’t let any of those liberal cooks near you…well, other than us, and we’ll rock out the I-Ceezy. Post-game we can hit up the ped-mall and I got your grilled cheese all day, bro. Oh, and please bring McClellan….PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE! I know you guys might not be good ol buds anymore, but you can get along for a 24-hour party in the IC, can’t you?

Let’s bury the hatchet.

One thought on “Rovie says, “Can’t we all just get along?”

  1. To get the Rove-meister out to tailgate in the IC Taguchi’s going to have to raise about $40,000 + the cost of the keg, grilled cheese, Wendy’s #6, and Iowa gear (which in the above photo was only rented). That’s right, boys and girls: The University paid Mr. Rove $40,000 to come speak at Iowa. That’s why BTag is absolutely right: the best way to protest Karl Rove’s being brought to campus is NOT TO GO AT ALL. If no one shows up to hear him except Fum-dog and Mad-dog, maybe the University will think twice about shelling out so much money (which could be used to fund our poor-ass department) to bring in evil geniuses to insult our students.

    On the evil genius note, it is worth mentioning that anytime a philosophical thought experiment is brought up in which an evil genius is referenced (Descartes, Frankfurt, etc.), I automatically superimpose KR’s face on whatever dude I imagine. I’m pretty sure that’s how Bush won in 2004: Karl Rove implanted a microchip in intelligent people’s brains (the stupid ones didn’t need the chip), such that if those people decided to vote Democrat, the chip would kick in and cause them to vote Republican. It’s the only explanation that makes any sense! Now how did he get into their heads…?

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