“Sex takes 3 to 13 minutes.” Thank you. I had no clue.

Sex takes 3 to 13 minutes, study says

A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. The findings, to be published in the May issue of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, strike at the notion that endurance is the key to a great sex life.

If that sounds like good news to you, don’t cheer too loudly. The time does not count foreplay, and the therapists did rate sexual intercourse that lasts from 1 to 2 minutes as “too short.”

No shit. Maybe the sexual noobs don’t know this stuff, but I doubt that they’re that ignorant. After all, every other comic on Comedy Central makes a joke about either premature ejaculation or sex taking too long. (Remember the “Wrap it up” box?)

Ok, maybe hardcore Christian sexual noobs don’t know this stuff. They’ve been busy:


But those sexually-competent folks hardly need this study. I’m sure the clock gets involved sometimes.

“Oh Spanky, but it’s up to science to confirm or falsify what the folk believe.”

Fine. You read the journal article. I’m busy.

-MC Spanky McGee

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About MC_Spanky_ McGee

Spanky really likes Wendy's #6, and does not buy the so-called purist's prohibition against adding onions or pepperjack to Spicy Chicken. Spanks also rocks out El Burrito Loco in DeKalb, IL. Winners: Arby's, Taco Bell, and Burger King. Losers: Taco John's and people who don't cuss. Slappy is a firm believer in evolution, loves his iPod, and does not like the Republican Party. Slappy also likes double-bass-driven metal (Tool, Lamb of God, etc), funk, classic rock, but also likes classical and pop music.

2 thoughts on ““Sex takes 3 to 13 minutes.” Thank you. I had no clue.

  1. Long-term relationships are enough of a marathon that it would be troublesome for any part of them also to have to be a marathon. So this is good news to me.

  2. It’s not news to anyone. They didn’t need to survey sex therapists; they just needed to survey a bunch of women. 1-2 minutes? Shit, son, it’s clear by the natural light that under 3 mintues is way too short (unless the chick doesn’t really feel like doing it in the first place). If you think your woman is happy with your minute-man-like agility, you don’t know what she’s doing in the shower when you’re not around.
    20-30 minutes? You doin’ OK there buddy? Hangin’ in there? Got your mind on something else?

    I guess 13 as opposed to 14 minutes (or 12, 15, 16, etc.) is sort of interesting, but don’t these guys have anything better to do. Sheesh.

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