There is a time of year this year where in the state I live, there are fairs during the month of October. These fairs bring out the most evil and odd varieties of rednecks there are to be seen. My case in point… if I had a picture, it’d be so much better, but I did not want to destroy a brand new digital camera.
Some, grotesque freak of nature, part Jabba the Hutt, part Sta-Puff marshmallow man. arge Marge, 300 pounds of backwoods, “Deliverance”-type man-beast, woman-kind. Spandex… god, that just give me frightening chills like I just watched the Faces of Death series for the first time.
She has “frontal-ass.” When you think some force of nature had taken the ass and just wound it aorund to the front. To top it off, it had a moose knuckle, but it looked like a wedgie/granny panty line. In spandex nonetheless.
Someone once said to me, “Spandex is a priviledge, not a right.” How fucking true this is. Of all the fair food I ate. Fries, Italian Sausage, ice cream, pork sandwiches… it all came back almost to haunt me.
Ladies… if you’re a tad on the large side and you have spandex or tight fitting clothing that accentuates that blob hanging off your midsection like a turtlehead poking out of your ass… burn it, throw it away, give it away, just do not wear it. Save the general public the horror show and get rid of the shit.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to slice my skull open and clean it out with a steel brush and some kerosene.