Spanky’s metal review: Black Tide

Listen to the three goddamned songs at this website.

Apparently these dude are fifteen, and they’re from Miami, and they already have a record deal from Interscope.


Maybe I’m old. Maybe I’m jaded. Maybe I’m jealous. But maaaaaaybe I have some metal-wisdom.

Listen up, fuckers. Black Tide is nothing new. At all. They are Metallica (the Master-of-Puppets version), Slayer, a dash of Dave Mustaine, and Skid Row all rolled up into one.

Frankly, I think that Snake (of Skid Row) should kick some of their asses for ripping off his shit.

I don’t really have much to say, other than that this band is merely a record label’s cheap gimmick. All the guitar shit, all the drum shit, and all the lyrics, such as “Warriors of time,” are all 80s throwbacks.

Hell yes, I said it. 1. Those BOYS ain’t gonna read this review 2. They ain’t gonna care, even if they did.

I could listen to some little punks recreate some shit to which I listened while growing up. I’d rather just get out my old shit, hear the real deal, and rock out to Tommy Lee dropping fat syncopated swishes on “Dr. Feelgood.”

-MC Spanky McGee………. over and out

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About MC_Spanky_ McGee

Spanky really likes Wendy's #6, and does not buy the so-called purist's prohibition against adding onions or pepperjack to Spicy Chicken. Spanks also rocks out El Burrito Loco in DeKalb, IL. Winners: Arby's, Taco Bell, and Burger King. Losers: Taco John's and people who don't cuss. Slappy is a firm believer in evolution, loves his iPod, and does not like the Republican Party. Slappy also likes double-bass-driven metal (Tool, Lamb of God, etc), funk, classic rock, but also likes classical and pop music.

2 thoughts on “Spanky’s metal review: Black Tide

  1. Maybe some Iron Maiden, too. Or am I off on that one. I only had Somewhere in Time and Seventh Son of a Seventh Son way back in middle school.

  2. Hahhahaha

    You dont get it.
    black tide are still VERY young, and have yet to evolve their sound.
    I agree its very 80′s, but theres some realy original stuff on that album too, like the title track, and black abyss. Its not ALL copied.

    The next album will be much more orignal.
    However, they sound NOTHIN like Metallica.Just cause they covered metallica, doesnt mean shiit. the cover didnt even sound like metallica.

    When metallica first came out by the way, they sounded so much like motorhead, diamond head and savage all rolled up into one nice package that i confuse riffs between Metallica’s “kill em all” and Diamond heads “like lightning to the nations”. And Anthrax wanted to be the next iron maiden. Slayer wanted to be just like venom, etc etc.

    Metallica were also young, and needed time to evolve, and sure enough, come the 3rd album, they were thrash like none other heard before. So thanks for your concern buddy, but Black Tide is going places, and in the middle of a credit crunch, record labels are not going to sign a band unless theyre sure theyre talented. And i trust Interscope over some random dude ANYDAY.

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