New Tool album? Who knows? Same old cryptic nonsense on website.

TOOL.com

SUBJECT: ROLLING STONE

QUESTION: “Hey Blair, I’m sure you’ve received emails about this, but just in case you haven’t… a Rolling Stone journalist said he did shots of Patron with Danny and Maynard at the Grammys and they told him there is a new album in the works. My heart skipped a beat when I read it. Do you have any insight to this rumor?”

REPLY [from Blair, the Webmaster]: If Danny and/or Maynard told the guy that there was a new (Tool) album in the works, than who am I to say that it’s not so? However, I can’t help but wonder if these were decoy band members that attended the Grammys, or, even if they were the actual band members, was this record they were referring to merely a decoy album? As a de-facto ambassador (with or without the white robe of a Fair Witness), keep in mind what I wrote in the January 17th newsletter – namely that if you were to go looking for a band member on the Red Carpet, you better watch out not only for a large Venerian Dragon with a cockney lisp, but for SnARKS that are boojums! Still, if they really are dusting off the dry-erase ‘arrangement’ board over at the rehearsal space, perhaps it’s once again time to remove the violet silk wrap of my faux bird’s-eye maple deluxe edition ‘talking board’ and summon Obelisong, the “pleasant deliverer” of some ’10,000 Days” tidbits a couple of years ago. Better yet, what do you say we just wait and see what unfolds over the next few months? Any pertinent news shall be posted in a timely fashion.

Look, I’m a huge Tool fan, but I can’t stand this kind of bullshit. I know that the band members generally get a kick out of this kind of teasing their fans, and the band’s little imp, Blair Blake, is perfect in that role. As you can see above, Blair’s nonsense follows a mindless played-out pattern, which generally goes like this:

“Tool might be making a new album, but you’ll have to consult the 74th Rthgar in the Shadow of the Moon during the Festival of Hmondatar, while feasting on the six-sided Humoth, stroking your ying-yang to the…”

Look, TOOL, I bet most of your fans are too lazy to look up your esoteric D and D terms. I bet a couple of dorks do torture themselves for hours tracking down words and riddles you made up. I sure as shit don’t care. Release the album, and I’ll buy it. Bottom line. But it ain’t because you guys have little hexagrams and other geometrical symbols on your instruments (ahem, DC). It’s because you’re top-notch musicians (and that ain’t because of the shapes).

In fact, I’d rather have you talk about science and get away from this obsession with mystical words and shapes altogether. It’s just as goofy as the religions you guys often make fun of.

-MC Spanky McGee

Michael Jackson’s Thriller Album Turns 25 and Prisoners Dance

Michael Jackson Thriller 25 Photoshop

Yesterday Michael Jackson‘s Thriller, “The World’s Biggest Selling Album Of All Time”, was re-released celebrating the 25th anniversary of the landmark album.  Two versions of the album are available for purchase; standard and deluxe.  Both versions contain the nine original, Quincy Jones produced tracks as well as seven bonus tracks for the 25th Anniversary Edition.  Six of these songs have been released for the first time on this album.

New for this version are songs done by contemporary artists.  Soupy Trumpet favorite will.i.am helped to make 2008 updated versions of “The Girl is Mine” (originally with Paul McCartney) and P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing).  Black Eyed Peas bandmate Fergie collaborated on “Beat It 2008″.  Grammy Awards star Kanye West did a remix of “Billie Jean” for the album and Akon’s version of “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ has been the primary source of buzz for this release.  There is an unreleased track excerpt from the Vincent Price voice-over sessions added and available only at Best Buy there is a “Thriller (def Remix)” exclusive hidden track.  “For All Time” is the only bonus track from the original Thriller sessions that had not been released before.  Also included is a bonus DVD that comes with videos for “Billie Jean”, “Beat It”, “Thriller”, and the live performance of “Billie Jean” at the “Motown 25:Yesterday, Today, and Forever” special.

Thriller is credited for selling 27 million albums in the United States, making it #2 of all time behind the Eagles’ Greatest hits.  Around the world though, Thriller has sold 104 million albums which makes it the biggest selling album in the world to date.

A few months ago (if not longer) another famous Viral Video popped up on YouTube and the internet of 1500 Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC) in Cebu, Philippines rehearsing their Thriller dance routine.  There are very few things more surreal than a large group of prisoners choreographing Thriller while incarcerated (link to video below).

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMnk7lh9M3o[/youtube]

Bad Vinyl Music Album Covers

Awful Album Cover

Pumpkin was doing some research on the internet for another Trumpet Blast and stumbled across a pretty awesome thread in a bulletin board on MusicBanter.com called “The Crap Album Cover World Cup” and I had to share it with The Trump. It starts off with a GEM and keeps going from there. The album cover above was picked STRICTLY because of the twin-huskyness of the Amason Twins.

Within that thread I found a link to another collection of similar images at the Museum of Bad Album Covers that has tons of heavy-metal and other craptastic record covers. Then I tried to research those Husky Twins from above their and found one of the strangest websites ever that has me feeling different about myself. It is called purgatorio.com and their tagline is “a panoply of evangelical eccentricities, un-orthodox oddities & christian cultural curiosities”. From what I gather it is a bunch of weird racist church related pictures. Worth a few seconds of your time to click on it.

Amazing how I just did a ’6 degrees of Kevin Bacon’ that connected crossdressing men on album covers to a polka mass.