Griff’s New Favorite Website

I just found this site and felt I had to share: Pee Your Pants For The Brewers. Nearly 7000 Brewers fans have pledged to piss their pants if and when the Crew should ever make the playoffs. I realize that this is kind of gross, but I’m pretty sure that if the Brewers ever do clinch a playoff spot, I will do a number 1 (and likely a number 2) in my Lederhosen, regardless of any pledge, so I might as well get on board. And with all the PBR and MGD flowing at Miller Park, Derry’s Pub, and elsewhere Brewers fans are to be found, I’m pretty sure most Milwaukee fans are ipso facto on board.

The site is a great trip down memory lane for Brewers fans like myself. (Not just because we started going to County Stadium before being fully potty trained.) Pledgers list their favorite Brewers, and you see some great and obscure blasts from the past, including: Rob Deer (my old favorite), John Jaha, Mike Fetters, Ricky Bones, Pat Listach, Chuck Crim, Greg Brock, and Billy Jo Robidoux…among others.

Make sure to also check out the Methods page. One of my favorites is the “Borrow a Baby” strategy:  Find a baby to borrow.  While holding said baby pee your pants and then yell out “Oh he got me. The little bugger got me good. Who’s child is this?!”  Bonus points if you can get the parent to buy you a “sorry my kid peed on you” beer.

Of course, it doesn’t look like Griff will be peeing her pants any time soon. (The Brewers just fell behind the Pirates in a tie for last in the NL Central, and Carlos Villanueva just walked in a run. My pants have never been drier.) But in the meantime, she can at least train (except her training will be with a PBR in hand):

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New York Yankee Jason Giambi Shares Lucky Thong

Jason Giambi lucky thong

New York Yankee Jason Giambi has a lucky thong.  That thong is gold.  He wears the man thong for luck when he is down.  He has shared the thong with Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon among other professional baseball players.  Everyone has taken notice.  Mike Mussina put a sign on his locker that says “pitchers need thongs too”.  Sadly the thong may have lost its magic touch as Jason Giambi is hitting below the Mendoza Line.  That does not keep Jason from bringing that thong along just like he did when doing poorly for the Oakland A’s and presumably when he was in front of the grand jury for the Balco steroid case a few years ago.

That is the baseball / man thong  equivalent of See Spot Run.

Yadier Molina gets his money’s worth…

After a grueling series at Miller Park this weekend, the Brewers ended up taking 3-4 from the Cardinals. A flurry (slowing sometimes to a drizzle – is that to mix my metaphors?) of text messages were exchanged between Bro Taguchi and Griff this weekend. A few highlights:

Griff: Try not to be too hard on my Crew tonite. They’re hurtin’ bad.
Gooch: Ok. Just keep the brats comin.

Griff: I am about to launch a jihad on the Brewer pitching staff.
Gooch: There are no beheadings in baseball…

Gooch: Are the crew wearing the old unis from the 80s? I love those. Never shoulda got rid of em. An A+ logo too with the mb glove.

Gooch: Fyi the baseball game is on the fox sports spanish channel if you get directv. Channel 616. Heh.
Griff: Viva los brewers! Como se dice bratwurst en espanol?
Gooch: Bratwurst.

Gooch: The cubs are back in 1st.
Griff: Our lame-ass pitcher just got a two-bagger off of your homeboys. Cubs suck. And I hate Carlos Zambrano.
Gooch: Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate…[you get the idea]

All in all, we were pretty congenial, especially given that Ryan Braun went deep twice in two games (for a total of 4 dingers, if you can’t do math). But the series highlight has to go to Yadier Molina, who – after getting tossed by home plate umpire Paul Schrieber – proceeded to strip down and leave all his equipment in front of Schrieber at home plate. LaRussa gets run as well, but as Bob Uecker noted, that’s “no big surprise.” (Uecker went on to express disappointment that Molina didn’t keep on going with his strip show. Not sure what to make of that.) You can watch the video here.

It’s going to be an interesting season…

Milwaukee’s Miller Park Ranked #2 Ballpark in Nation

A recent Sports Illustrated survey of baseball fans nationwide ranked the Milwaukee Brewers’ Miller Park the second-best baseball stadium in the nation, in terms of home-fan satisfaction:

Miller Park

Now Griff would rank MP at #1, given that the top spot went to Progressive Park in Cleveland, which is not so progressive as to actually have built a retractable dome for their often-cold-and-rainy city:

Progressive Park

As Brewer’s radio announcer Jim Powell points out on his blog, the Indians actually had to vacate PP (ha!) last April due to snowy weather. And where did they go to play 3 games against the Angels? Miller-f*ing-Park!

Now apparently home fans in Cleveland are slightly more satisfied with their home ballpark than are Milwaukee fans, and it appears that this may have something to do with the fact that they serve chicken and waffles (hopefully not together) at PP. Of course, they’re going to be freezing their wet asses off while eating their oh-so-delicious soul food.

However, MP took the trophy for food. I mean, five different kinds of Klements sausage + secret stadium sauce?

Brat + Stadium Sauce

Cmon! Get those rain-soaked soggy waffles outta my face!

Cleveland fans should remember that the retractable dome not only saved their asses last year, but may do so again in the future. While I was not always a big fan of the RD, I think it really is a must-have for Midwestern ballparks in the new millennium. Since the US hasn’t done anything much to stop climate change, the weather during the spring season sucks ass and will only get worse – and baseball stadiums need to be able to deal with that kind of weather. Now Griff has done her share of freezing her ass off during hour-long rain delays at County Stadium because she had lower level box seats and wouldn’t move up to sheltered (non-box-seat) ground…but it blows. And for those of us who now have to travel long distances to see our team play, it really bites to see games get rained out.

So here’s to Miller Park – in my opinion, El Estadio Numero Uno for baseball!

Oh, and speaking of domes, Gooch will like this one from Jim Powell: “I also found it funny that Cardinals’ fans overrate their new stadium and underrate their team.” But we all know that Bro Taguchi does just the opposite, so let’s give him a few props while we’re at it.

Natty Broadcaster Takes Cubs Fans to Task

Cincinnati Reds’ broadcast-hall-of-famer Marty Brennaman recently spent about two minutes ripping on Cubs fans after they threw not just the ball hit but also a shit-ton of other balls onto the field after a Reds’ home run at Wrigley Field. Calling Cubs fans “the most obnoxious fans in baseball in this league,” Brennaman let loose about what baseball fans like Griff have known for a long time: Cubs fans suck. Now what could account for the painfully obnoxious behavior of these fans? Maybe it’s simply because they’re from Chicago. Maybe it’s too much Old Style. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s been almost a century since they’ve won a World Series and it hurts. Or any combination of the above. Either way, this dude is hilarious:

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My favorite part: “It’s ridiculous, it really is … You simply root against them. I’ve said all winter, people talk about this team winning the division, and my comment is they won’t win it because at the end of the day, they’re still the Chicago Cubs and they will figure out a way to screw this whole thing up.”


66-0? Damn!

The coach of Kawamoto technical high school threw in the towel to spare his pitcher’s arm with his team losing 66-0 with just one batter out in the bottom of the second. “

DAMN! That sucks. The players probably won’t be wearing their baseball team jacket around school for a while.

We’ll send over Bro Taguchi. He’ll coach their way to a score of 66-4.

-MC Spanky McGee

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 3-31-2008

While Spanky catches up on his Zzzzs, Griff thought she’d do a little blasting herself.

BBC News

Excavation Begins at Stonehenge

Opening Might: Zim’s walk-off wins it

Ryan Zimmerman saves the Nats from looking like complete dumbasses in front of G-Dub.

Yahoo! Sports

Brewers face rival Cubs in Season Opener

Griff’s Brew Crew assures itself yet again that the Cubs will find a way to f*%# this season up, and hopes to thereby win the weakest division in MLB. Whether or not Carlos Zambrano acts like an ass this time around remains to be seen…

Stuff White People Like

Graduate School

It’s true. We appear to like grad school. God knows why…


Weak Ass Dudes Eating Salad 

This site just killed me. The site’s main premise is that “vegetables are at the core of any weak ass dude.” I like the conditions under which a taco salad is exempt.

The Boston Red Sox Skip Spring Training Game and Vote Not to Go To Japan for Season Openers (RESOLVED)

Boston Red Sox Vote to Skip Flight to Japan

The Boston Red Sox did not take the field until an hour after the start time today for their final spring training game in Florida against the Toronto Blue Jays and earlier Red Sox Players voted to not board the plane that would take them to Japan for their to season openers against the Oakland Athletics. Mike Lowell, a player and team spokesman of sorts, said the team voted unanimously to skip the game and the flight because Major League Baseball has not followed through with promises surrounding the trip scheduled for departure later today.

The Red Sox were upset about the fact that their staff and coaches were not going to receive the $40,000 they were promised as a travel fund for the two exhibition games and two regular season games. According to pitcher Curt Schilling, there were other promises that had “already been taken away.” The Oakland A’s were going to discuss their stance on the issue before their game against the Chicago Cubs today.

An hour after the World Champion Red Sox did not take the field, a deal was in the works with MLB to work the situation out and ultimately the game is being played right now and the BoSox have agreed to make the trip to Tokyo.  It is being reported that the staff will receive the stipends that were in dispute.  Out of fear that the opener would not get played, opening day pitcher and Japanese born Daisuke Matsuzaka aka “Dice-K” was sent to pitch a Triple-A game and seemingly will not be the starting pitcher for the opening day.

This potentially could have been may still be disastrous for the game of baseball that is already under heavy scrutiny for heavy steroid use and a salary cap situation that many feel is out of control.  Japanese players like Matsuzaka, Ichiro Suzuki, and Hideki Matsui have been making the jump to America to play in the big leagues with great success.  The fanbase back in Japan is growing and playing these games over there is a logical fit.

Boston Red Sox Japanese Contingent

Check Out Us Versus Them for Red Sox Coverage With Style

Homerun King Barry Bonds Unemployed – Possibly Blackballed by MLB?

Barry Bonds Homerun King Blackballed

It is two weeks until the 2008 MLB baseball season begins and arguably the best baseball player ever, Barry Bonds, still does not have a job.  The MLBPA (Major League Baseball Players Association) will be looking into this peculiar situation as a part of its annual free agency review according to Donald Fehr the head of the union.  Is there really any chance that the Home Run King has been blackballed by commissioner Bud Selig and the MLB owners?

Of course Barry Bonds has had his name thrown about for his alleged grand jury perjury and alleged use of steroids (“the clear” and “the cream” possibly given to him by his trainer and friend Greg Anderson) in the Balco and MLB investigations.  He is also considered a jerk to the media at times (maybe that is why they make things up about him) and a prima donna.  Barry broke Hank Aaron’s all time home run record last year too, so the chase is over for that one as well.  He is 43 years old and carries a high price tag too.  All of these factors should discourage some teams, but not all.

Are those factors really enough to warrant very little public interest in him from the 32 MLB baseball franchises?  We have heard about Tony La Russa and the Cardinals and then the Tampa Bay Rays discussing adding Bonds internally, but not much else from the other franchises.

Barry Bonds has done more than enough to deserve a roster spot in big leagues.  His career numbers are superior to almost all players ever to play the game.  He played with speed, had amazing defense, became the greatest power hitter ever, and had the most patience at the plate of anyone before him as he has drawn record numbers of walks, intentional or otherwise.  Just last year he lead the entire league in walks and had 28 home runs in 132 games while hitting .276.  He had a better season than many outfielders gainfully employed.

He could fit a team like the St. Louis Cardinals that need a big bat to protect their slugger Albert Pujols and can platoon with the young outfielders asked to play everyday.  He could fit a team like the Tampa Bay Rays that need to sell tickets and improve as a franchise.  Barry will pass 3,000 hits and 2,000 RBI milestones this season.  He could fit a team like the Oakland Athletics that are already familiar with him from his days across the bay in San Francisco and could use a designated hitter.  Another fit would be the powerhouse teams like the Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees that could bolster the middle of their lineups with a deadly left-handed bat.

I would love to wake up tomorrow and hear that Barry Bonds has signed with the Atlanta Braves, but I am not counting on it (and praying he does not land on the Mets or Phillies rosters).  In the next two weeks though, if we do not hear that he has been signed, you better believe this “blackball” story will escalate.

Tribute and Retirement

Within about 2 days of one another, 2 sad and longstanding traditions rode off into the sunset.

On Dec. 6, the Cardinals released So Taguchi. 99 came to STL from Japan in 2002 and didn’t carry much of a stick when he first arrived. He worked his way up to a regular platoon player and put in 4 solid seasons, although his skills have visibly dissipated at the age of 38, especially defensively. He will be forever revered for the high heater from Billy Wagner that he turned around in the 9th inning of Game 2 of the 2006 NLCS: mlb_a_taguchi3_275.jpg

I will also remember this game, where Taguchi hit the game-tying HR in the 8th and made a catch crashing into the ivy at Wrigley (the same day Pujols hit 3 jacks). I think he’s a Phillie now…ick.

On Dec. 8, Bro Taguchi hung up the TRH apron for good after 9 years. Since I’ve been assured that I’m a first-ballot HOFer, I’d like to go ahead and thank all the people who helped me get to where I am:

First, ol Captain Mulletude…thanks for getting it all started. Gar-Bear (aka Lloyd Christmas aka Frank the Tank aka Holy Stoli)…I trained for my first job in a restaurant right next to Santino. Why you so pumped up? Suz, Bob, Mo and Pee-nut. Fat Bruce taught me to relish forays into the TC. Thanks to Pumpkin for every food concotion we came up with: Louisiana-1, the Hoag, Jack’s pizza in the melter + buffalo…even cold beef tips out of the pan was a form of art. Co-sign, teabag, you-face, bloop and skeeny. Delfino, Leaky Pipes, MCP, Nasty Nate, Beef Curtains, James Porter, Zacnpeebs, Heater, Skeez, Brothers Grunt and Bennigan’s Bathroom. Last but not least…Fat Leonard (aka Billy Joel aka Lyle Lovett aka Tom Hanks aka Uncle Legend aka “Christy, can I get 3 vodka and cranberries to go?”)…the other half of Double Dragon. We all ripped it up.

My lifetime achievement award goes to Pumpkin. Sample material:
Pumpkin (at the start of a shift, going up to one of the girls working): Whew, I’m glad you’re here tonight.
Girl: Why?
Pumpkin: I was afraid I’d be the only dude working.
(It usually got a delightful response)