Natty Broadcaster Takes Cubs Fans to Task

Cincinnati Reds’ broadcast-hall-of-famer Marty Brennaman recently spent about two minutes ripping on Cubs fans after they threw not just the ball hit but also a shit-ton of other balls onto the field after a Reds’ home run at Wrigley Field. Calling Cubs fans “the most obnoxious fans in baseball in this league,” Brennaman let loose about what baseball fans like Griff have known for a long time: Cubs fans suck. Now what could account for the painfully obnoxious behavior of these fans? Maybe it’s simply because they’re from Chicago. Maybe it’s too much Old Style. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s been almost a century since they’ve won a World Series and it hurts. Or any combination of the above. Either way, this dude is hilarious:

[youtube width="425" height="355"][/youtube]

My favorite part: “It’s ridiculous, it really is … You simply root against them. I’ve said all winter, people talk about this team winning the division, and my comment is they won’t win it because at the end of the day, they’re still the Chicago Cubs and they will figure out a way to screw this whole thing up.”


It’s called “AGUA,” dude.

From the Chicago Tribune:

The Cubs have pleaded with Carlos Zambrano to drink fluids during starts to prevent the cramping that has haunted him in the past, but their words have fallen on deaf ears.

And when Zambrano’s most dominant Opening Day performance was halted in the seventh inning Monday by forearm cramps, leaving him winless in four opening starts, the “water” question cropped up again.

This dude has apparently never heard of hydration. When asked about it, Zambrano said

he felt OK and conceded he has to “drink water” to prevent the cramping. Zambrano also repeated he would do something so “it doesn’t happen again” (my emphasis).

Something? Something? Dude just said he has to drink water, so how about trying that to ensure “it doesn’t happen again?” Now Griff would be very pleased if he sticks to drinking coffee, but COME ON.

This is where things get really funny:

The Cubs have had different theories for Zambrano’s cramps, dating back to former manager Dusty Baker’s contention that Zambrano may have carpel tunnel syndrome from working on his computer so often.

Zambrano even curtailed his computer use for a while, but the cramping has not stopped being an issue.

Maybe the dude’s looking up his “cramping problem” on WebMD. Indeed, the conclusion of the article indicates he has not yet been able to diagnose himself:

After a brief postgame interview session, Zambrano refused to answer questions about it at his locker after Monday’s game, showing the frustration of a man who’s constantly looking for answers.

I got your answer, son: Stop reading about Mudbutt on Soupy Trumpet and get yourself a glass of agua…it’s that clear stuff that comes out of your kitchen fregadero.

Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 3-31-2008

While Spanky catches up on his Zzzzs, Griff thought she’d do a little blasting herself.

BBC News

Excavation Begins at Stonehenge

Opening Might: Zim’s walk-off wins it

Ryan Zimmerman saves the Nats from looking like complete dumbasses in front of G-Dub.

Yahoo! Sports

Brewers face rival Cubs in Season Opener

Griff’s Brew Crew assures itself yet again that the Cubs will find a way to f*%# this season up, and hopes to thereby win the weakest division in MLB. Whether or not Carlos Zambrano acts like an ass this time around remains to be seen…

Stuff White People Like

Graduate School

It’s true. We appear to like grad school. God knows why…


Weak Ass Dudes Eating Salad 

This site just killed me. The site’s main premise is that “vegetables are at the core of any weak ass dude.” I like the conditions under which a taco salad is exempt.