Intercepted on email.

Taguchi wrote this to me:

Nickelback just came on the radio in my office….”Lookin at a photograph…he-yea-he-haaaaaaaa-hoooowwwww-hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-yeah”

Last time I was in D-town [Taguchi and Pumpkin's home-turf], Pumpkin and I had a lip-quivering argument over nickelback.  Went like this:
Gooch: Nickelback blows
Pumpkin: No they don’t
Gooch: Yes they do
Pumpkin: No they don’t.  Chad Kroger is a juggernaut songwriter.  Stuff like his spider man song are huge hits.
Gooch: They suck.
Pumpkin: No they don’t

I really don’t have anything to add to this.  The dialogue tells you everything you need to know.

-MC “Shhhpanky” McGee

Don’t ya think that Hillary kinda feels like this:

hillary coyote barack roadrunner

?

1. Clinton has been complaining that Obama won’t debate her in Wisconsin.  If I remember correctly, it was recently pointed out on Jim Lehrer’s Newshour that they do have TV in Wisconsin. I think there are sufficient materials for Wisconsin people to see what Clinton and Obama are all about.

Verdict: faulty ACME rocket skates.

2.  Clinton claims that Obama plagiarized Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick. Clearly Patrick doesn’t give a shit:

Senator Obama and I are long-time friends and allies. We often share ideas about politics, policy and language,” Patrick said in the statement. “The argument in question, on the value of words in the public square, is one about which he and I have spoken frequently before. Given the recent attacks from Senator Clinton, I applaud him responding in just the way he did.”

Patrick approves. Obama is not fazed, either:

An Obama campaign spokesman said Monday the campaign was “obviously not traumatized” by the discovery of the similarities, ‘which is why we’re not putting out any official statement.’

 Verdict: ACME anvil that floats above you and then hits you on the head when you fall down into the chasm.

-MC Spanky McGee

“Doh.” 

MORE GUNS, MORE GUNS, MORE GUNS

Chant it with me.

In light of the terrible City Council shootings and the Lousiana Technical College shootings, I’m wondering how proponents of the NRA can argue that we need more guns. The NRA will probably try to claim that, had the victims been armed, the attempting murderers would’ve been stopped in a careful and rational way. What do I mean by “stopped”?

One of the headlines on the NRA’s site today (2/9/2008) is “Store owner fatally shot suspected thief.” The part that really gives the NRA a rock-hard boner is “fatally.” There’s nothing like killing, and if we can do it with the law on our side, all the better.

Of course, I’m all for the claim that killing in self-defense is justified. But, do I really want to be around lots of people who are all armed and are constantly getting itchy trigger finger because they know that everyone around them has guns? Do we really think that they would become better judges of when and how to use a gun? I think people would become more irrational. Why? Because people are scared of dying, and nothing breeds irrationality more than fear.

In a culture where we all have guns, people would constantly fear for their lives and there would be death all over the place.

But maybe that’s what the NRA wants. Maybe they want us to extinguish ourselves, all in the name of the law. We’ll all kill each other in the name of self-defense…

Shit, even the Teletubbies would constantly be ready to pop a cap at the slightest provocation….

teletubbies pull out guns

(original image: http://www.bbc.co.uk/cornwall/content/images…)

Damn, I’m ready to play some Halo 3 today…

-Spanks

The recession will end soon. Here’s the solution.

MC Spanky McGee pulls some sweet economic forecasts out of his arse.


http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/02/08/sad.shopping… A study finds that sad people spend more!!!

The study found a willingness to spend freely by sad people occurs mainly when their sadness triggers greater “self-focus.” That response was measured by counting how frequently study participants used references to “I,” “me,” “my” and “myself” in writing an essay about how a sad situation such as the one portrayed in the video would affect them….

On average, the group watching the sad video offered to pay nearly four times as much for a sporty-looking, insulated water bottle than the group watching the nature video, according to the study by researchers from Harvard, Carnegie Mellon, Stanford and Pittsburgh universities.”

This is truly awesome. We will never hit an economic depression again. Here’s why.

Every time we hit a recession, all we have to do is look at some sad photos!

sad pupsad kitten

sad bushsad dick cheney

crying toddlertim duncan sad

Stare at each photo for 1 minute.

Don’t you feel the urge, welling up, deep down?

You know you want to. Oooooh, it would feel so good, just like Christmas morning, when you’re wearing your onesies, and it’s so warm, and you know that stepmom Cathy just bought you Call of Duty 4 to get you on her good side….

You know you need to bust out the visa.

This is the way we keep the economy alive and well. We throw a pity party for ourselves, and POOF, we’re back on top. The money flows, Walmart stays fat and happy, and everyone wins. We don’t need no stinkin’ rebate from Congress…

I fucking love flag

Spanky’s playa hate of the day: 2/4/2008

Last night we played GUNSLINGERJAMES and his guys. He was not thrilled about a fresh-out-the-box asswhoopin’ he received from my crew. In the postgame lobby, GUNSLINGERJAMES spewed forth a barrage of semi-unintelligible swear words that would surely offend his mama. What would she think?

“Jesus, Mary and Joseph!” she would say.

Anyway, back to GUNSLINGERJIMMY. During his spew, I said, “Hey, that sounds like a rap. I’ll beatbox.” 3 seconds into my beatboxing and GUNSLINGERJIMMY’s voice raises three octaves–pretty close to MACHINE 666′s pitch–and he spews even faster. Then we got booted from the postgame lobby.
Well, I was feeling feisty, so I sent JIMMY a message offering to beatbox for him some more.

Here was his response (earmuffs if you are faint of heart–there are death threats in this audio recording):

[audio:http://soupytrumpet.com/uploads/2008/02/gunslingerjames-1.mp3]

Doesn’t the Halo theme music in the background add a nice touch? I also like his command, Don’t rap.”

Undaunted by JIMMY’s idle threats of raping me and killing my family, I pressed on in the name of charity, sending JIMMY some of my best beatbox material. His reply to that was this:

[audio:http://soupytrumpet.com/uploads/2008/02/gunslingerjames-2.mp3]

Priceless. I really hope that he and I can form a rap group. I think his rhymes and my beats could really go far. I just don’t think I want him on my Halo 3 team, because he’s just not that good.

gunslingerjames

Given that JIMMY is more a puppy and less the bigdog that he thinks he is, I think his voice should sound more like this:

[audio:http://soupytrumpet.com/uploads/2008/02/gunslingerjames-3.mp3]

-Agent Spanky

Spanky’s playa hate of the day: 1/24/2008

This week’s hate goes out to SS Wraith and MACHINE 666, two humongous dildos who got housed by ryguy0384 and myself.

machine-666.png

After the game, MACHINE 666 took it upon himself to call us “FAGGOTS” emphatically. Apparently he was not happy with the fact that they had received a red-assed beat-down.

I then sent his little buddy a message that said something to the effect, “I didn’t know you could tell someone was a homosexual because they beat your asses in Halo.”

SS Wraith replied with both of these classic nuggets:

[audio:http://soupytrumpet.com/uploads/2008/01/ss-wraith-1.mp3]

[audio:http://soupytrumpet.com/uploads/2008/01/ss-wraith-2.mp3]

Spanky: “u cry too much”

SS Wraith: “LOL whatever loser.”

Spanky: “u r the ones who lost bitch”

SS Wraith: “no shit bitch I’m not the one who was bitching about it. It was the other one…”

_____

Spanky’s commentary:

His delivery on the “jackass” is awesome. (1) Notice the use of “faggot” once again–a nearly ubiquitous theme in Halo whiners and haters. Why is that? (2) I think Wraith sounds a little nasal, which may indicate that he only likes girls that roll 12-sided dice and think of themselves as some kind of “sexy sorceress”. (3) In the second voice mail, he once again refers to some sort of homosexual act. What a snoozer. (4) I like the fact that he sells himself out the end and hoes out his buddy.

Well, anyway, there you have it. That’s the kind of bullshit that goes on in the little dorky world of Halo. I’m not saying I’m not a part of it… I’m just sayin’….

-MC Spanks