Conservative crybabies.

Have you ever noticed that conservatives think that they have a monopoly on the word “whine”?

Check it out this example.

What tickles me–what amuses me–is that conservatives spend so much time CRYING about liberals’ whining. And Peter Scweizer gives us a great example in his crying about whining.

Almost nothing pleases me more than a conservative in pain. I don’t care what the source is. I relish it.

Conservatives don’t like to think that they complain, although they do all the time. Listen to the pathetic inflection that accompanies such utterances as “These bleeding-heart liberals….”

See, conservatives cry because they don’t feel obligated to their society. They believe that they deserve all of their money. But the fact of the matter is that they owe their society a great deal–and they must pay taxes towards education and defense. Their own welfare depends on the cohesion of society.

But forget all that. When cons play the “whine” card, just remind them that they are doing their share of bitching.

I love their bitching. I encourage it. It’s an indication of their misery, and I eat it up.

-MC Spanky McGee

P.S. I love you, cons. xoxoxOXXXoo

The Dogs of Yesteryear

So yesterday Fessy and I hooked up some awesome hot dogs from Yesterdog, a local joint in Griff’s hometown of Grand Rapids, Michigan. Now, normally Grand Rapids is known for old Dutch people, Republicans (e.g., Gerald R. Ford), Amway, Calvin College, and other such conservative delights. However, Yesterdog transports one back to the good ol’ days, where you paid 10-cents for a dog and a pop. (Here you pay between $1.60-$2.10 for a dog, which still isn’t bad.) Hanging on the walls are old advertisements and posters, antiques of various sorts, and pictures of people wearing Yesterdog pareph with famous people or in famous places.

Yesterdog Michael Moore

Yesterdog offers six kinds of dogs, with varying combinations of toppings. I devoured two yesterdogs (chili, pickle, onion, ketchup, mustard), while Fessy hooked up a couple of ultradogs (ketchup, mustard, onion, pickle, cheese, chili, and kraut).

Yesterdog1          Yesterdog2 

Combine those with some Pepsi, a cup of tasty chicken noodle soup, and some cheese curls, and you got yourself a damn nice meal for about $6.

Yesterdog3

There’s only a couple of drawbacks. One is that going through the line to order your dogs is like a visit to the Soup Nazi: You damn well better know what you want when you step up, or you’re going to hear, “NEXT!” These dudes have no patience for slow deliberation (which proved difficult for Fessy). They even have rules posted on their website. On the other hand, these guys are incredibly efficient, and crank artisan dogs out like none other. Plus they still use the old-school cash register from the 20s. They also stay open past bar-close for the drunk crowd – so I give these dudes some credit.

Second, the dogs themselves are not big. They’re buried under a ton of toppings, but once you get to the dog itself, it’s pretty minimal. Now I like this school of thought, but others seem to dig the gignormous (the second “g” is silent) Chicago beef franks. Honestly, the less ground-up leftover animal parts I’m digesting, the better. (Though I know several of you Soupy Trumpeters will disagree – that’s why your trumpets are so soupy.)

All in all, the trip was successful, and I would recommend anyone traveling to this conservative bastion take a break in East Town and check out the dogs of yesteryear. Or just check out the documentary: [youtube width="425" height="355"]http://youtube.com/watch?v=cPQx_IEt9hs&feature=related[/youtube]

The damning of America

By now, hardcore conservatives have probably whipped themselves into a frenzy over Jeremiah Wright’s comments:

“No, no, no, not God bless America — God damn America!”

Minister leaves Obama campaign

Here’s a good chunk of idiotic conservative commentary:

While a number of [liberals], including Barack Obama, will distance themselves from any or all of Rev. Wright’s specific statements, liberals will have a hard time denying that they share one thing in common with him… they resent or even hate what America stands for. They see our nation as an evil power in the world and one in which the haves oppress the have-nots at home.

Who Rev. Jeremiah Wright Really Speaks For

Wright’s kind of language, of course, is absurd, and it should be completely rejected. But it should be kept in mind that the conservatives have had their doomsayers:

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_8dSnKiaD4[/youtube]

I’ll say it again: conservatives, like Cindy McCain, like to say that they LOVE the USA. They prefer to act as if they have a monopoly on pride of country. That is such a crock of shit. They surely don’t love the whole country. They can’t; in fact, these rabid conservatives (not all conservatives are) hate almost half the country that consists of liberals. So don’t give me this shit that Wright hates the country and that he speaks for liberals. Falwell showed the hate he had for what he perceived as the current state of the nation.

So many of us love to use God as the source of ultimate vengeance. It’s a incontrovertible fact. This is old ground, however, and I won’t re-cover it too much. But the source of this kind of need for revenge (which even ol’ Spanky feels sometimes) is based, in large part, on what we learned from the temper tantrums of the God from the Old Testament.

Yeah, Wright fucked up. But don’t make me trot out the list of all the criminal fucks that the religious right used to champion.

-MC Spanky McGee