Liberty City Police Face Allegations of Incompetence, Brutality

This is for Spanky and Pumpkin (and I imagine a shitload of others).

The full story is here:

LIBERTY CITY—With the city in the midst of a record crime wave, concerned citizens claim the Liberty City Police Department has done little to prevent the constant car chases, ongoing gun battles, and overall atmosphere of violence that pervade the area.

“I used to feel safe in Liberty City, but lately, it’s been total mayhem,” said night-shift worker Lola Del Rio, who spoke to reporters while sucking nervously on a red lollipop. “In the past week alone, I’ve been carjacked twice, run over 10 times, and witness to a half-dozen gunfights that ended with automobiles exploding. What are the police doing to stop all this?”

[...] one LCPD official, who wished to remain anonymous, blamed the recent crime wave on the police department’s lack of proper equipment.

“We are only equipped to pursue a suspect within a small radius on a very basic half-centimeter radar screen,” the officer said. “If we were allowed to seek criminals who escaped this radius for more than 15 seconds, our results would improve dramatically.”

“And to those who say the LCPD is too quick to resort to deadly force, remember that almost 850,000 police officers, FIB agents, and N.O.O.S.E. [National Office of Security Enforcement] team members have died in the line of duty in the past month,” he added.