Who are these guys?

A friend of the Trumpet–who nonetheless would not want to be associated with the antics of the Trumpet–once found this picture tucked away in a book. Click on the thumbnail for true awesomeness:

metal dudes

Questions abound, my friends.

1. Who are these guys?

2. Where do we get our hands on their tape? Note that there are two barely visible creases in bottom half of the picture. The original picture fit a tape case perfectly. These guys were passing this out as their demo pic. Amazing!

3. Who’s who? I think that it goes, from left to right: bassist, lead singer, guitarist, and then drummer. The lead singer is the top dog of this outfit, and I assure you that he insisted on being THE GUY WITH THE DRIPPING BLOOD.

Notice that the drummer is taking a bite out of the upside down cross. I kinda doubt that that will tack on any penalty to his sentence in Hell, but maybe the Gatekeeper will bring up that move as a point of interest. At any rate, I’m sure I will find out since I’m headed there, too. (Although I don’t believe it, since Hell is one of the biggest pieces of bullshit we’ve ever conjured…)

4. Where are they now? I’m betting that a few of them are high-powered lawyers and university deans…

5. Where in the hell do you get spikes that big? Does dad make them for you in the workshop? “Well, son, I don’t understand, but I’m glad you have some kind of goddamned hobby…”

6. Are these guys friends with Tipper Gore?

If you or any of your friends know these guys, contact us ASAP. Bro Taguchi and I will need to hear the tape immediately.

-Spanks