Do Do Fun Coffee? Dick Shoes? Distractions to my western eyes.

Spanky, I believe your claim that Bich Nga exists. Your post inspired me to share a couple photos I took while I was in Changsha (Hunan Province), China in 2001. Coffee or shoes, anyone?

do-do-fun-coffee-changsha.jpg

Yes, I prefer my Do Do to be fun.

mei-dick.jpg

I didn’t go into the above store. I was a bit apprehensive that I wouldn’t know how to make proper use of the products they sold.

Pho Bich Nga? What?

Go to Arthurhungry.com and check out this story:

pho

http://www.arthurhungry.com/archives/2004/01/pho_bich_nga.html

Some people think Pho Shizzle could be a fake. I’ll give you the arthur hungry guarantee that Pho Bich Nga does in fact exist. It’s in Vancouver, on Kingsway, and I took the picture myself! We didn’t actually try it though as we were there at like 4pm in between meals. That will be for another day…”

Spanky’s review of Taco Bell’s Fiesta Platter and Wendy’s premium fish sandwich

1. This last weekend I had Taco Bell’s Fiesta Platter. I had the grilled steak stuft burrito version. The burrito is pretty solid–it’s big enough to get you feeling warm and round. The most surprising positive aspect of this platter is the salsa, which is chunky. I didn’t know Taco Bell could get chunky, since most of their sauces are runny. The only problem was that they didn’t give me enough of it. I don’t like naked tortilla chips. I guess I could have asked the manager for more salsa.

The rice is fairly standard. The beans are topped off with that weird Taco Bell sauce that they put on the enchirito (one of my favorite under-the-radar items at ol’ TB).

Beyond that, the Fiesta Platter is just a new arrangement of old materials. But I’m on to you, Taco Bell. I know that it is the Platter’s big black tray that really hypnotizes us: “WHOA! This platter is flippin’ HUUUUUGE, Kip!” After you are done with your meal, you will marvel at the size of this pontoon boat that held your sloppy ploppy mix.

Overall verdict: you’re better off mixing and matching like you normally do at Taco Bell.

(Below, Master Chief wishes he could fight in a sea of hot sauce in the Fiesta PT boat)

taco bell fiesta platter master chief

2. Wendy’s “premium” fish sandwich. I don’t see what’s so premium about it. It’s decent, it filled me up, but it’s kinda blah. The fish itself was good and had a uniform taste–there weren’t any weird chunks in it, and it didn’t taste mashed or processed.

If you’re going to try this fish-thingy, you might add some toppings to it, but I don’t really know what you could add to a fish sandwich that would really make it rock. I’d love to see suggestions for pimping your fish sandwich in the comments.

-MC Spanky McGee

P.S. While you’re here, check out http://soupytrumpet.com/2006/11/15/kfc-for-aliens/

We need a husky president.

“Huckabee challenges Romney over fried chicken”

artromneykfcap.jpg

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/01/28/huckabee-challenges…

I ain’t no Republican, but even if I were, I wouldn’t be votin’ for nobody who doesn’t know how to eat KFC. Hell, I’d rather vote for Jabba–we know he can get it done.

Who better to lead a nation of husky people than someone who can house KFC?

Huckabee is certainly justified in going after Romney on this.

Shit, I’m surprised he didn’t order a Snacker. Bro Taguchi will certainly show Romney how to order–and to destroy–some KFC. I’m sure Pumpkin has strong views on this, as well.

Just goes to show you how strong Romney’s tea is:

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All this has made me very hungry. And very, very cranky. I hope Romney gets a rating of zero Taguchis.

-Spanks

Define Fine

I was told a story tonight that I find pretty funny. The story lasted for about 30 seconds and I laughed for probably just as long. This brings the level of content to laughter to about half as much as the movie Friday… simple math.

The story involves a waitress that looks like a carp and sounds like a dying animal, and her exchange with a table one evening.

Carp: “How is everyone doing tonight?”
Table: “We are doing alright. And yourself?”
Carp: “I’m fine.”
Table: “Don’t you think you ought to go look in a mirror then come back and answer that again?”

Carp to Coworker: “I’m not sure if they were kidding… that was mean… I know I am no beauty queen, but I’m not that bad.”

[youtube width="425" height="355"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNZLHjV2lfE[/youtube]

Random food thoughts

I heard a rumor, and I hope it’s true. I think Iowa City is getting a Texas Roadhouse. I’m going to destroy some rolls up in there. I can’t wait.

My homeboy SHAMMON (rhymes with “common”) told me a funny story last night. He wanted “something quick,” so he went to Atlas in IC. Anyway, he accidentally ran into some other friends of ours, and then he destroyed a 14-ounce steak, some mashed potatoes, and some choco cake/ice cream. The best part is “something quick.” Atlas considers itself to be a classy joint.

On a related note, Pumpkin’s prohibition on dessert needs serious review. It is noble to destroy a meal, and then follow up with The Keymaster of Calories: dessert. (“I’m the Keymaster.” “I’m the Gatekeeper.” Ah Ghostbusters). If you want to hold a seminar in eating, you gotta rock out some cake.

-Agent Spanky

KFC for aliens!

Kentucky Fried Chicken has lost its damn mind, Reuters reports. They put a giant logo out in the desert by Area 51.
“If there are extraterrestrials in outer space, KFC wants to become their restaurant of choice,” KFC President Gregg Dedrick said in a statement.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061115/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_food_kfc
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(Reuters photo)
Next they’ll put a logo on the moon. I can’t wait until The Alien, E.T., and Jabba the Hutt stop by for a bucket of KFC. This is totally going to rock. I hope they like biscuits and mashed potatoes. They sure as hell wouldn’t order that piece of shit known as “The Snacker.”

The Giger Alien enjoys a leg:

alien kfc

et kfc

jabba kfc 2

Spanky is aware that his Photoshop skills are totally ghetto. Spanky had KFC for lunch today. It was awesome.

-Colonel Spanky

Kid saves the day. Wants to eat.

ABC reports that a 9 year-old kid pulled over and stopped the car when his mom passed at out at the wheel.

“The family has planned a celebratory dinner at Red Lobster, where Latisha Stevens said her son always has wanted to eat. “I told him he can have all the food he wants,” she said.”

I dig that. That kid saves the day, and now he’s feelin’ husky. Super-awesome. I hope he destroys some Red Lobster–just wolfs it down. Jimmy Stevens, you are a true hero. We at Soupy Trumpet salute you.

Hell, maybe Taguchi will take you to Steak N Shake.

Total Disaster

Arby’s has a “meatball sandwich.” I live by a credo which this sandwich recently tested: If you are a food establishment, and you’re bold enough to make a meatball sub…you’ll get my biz at least once. Guaranteed. Arby’s got my biz about 2 weeks ago. Those little grape-sized things (which were the consistency of rubber) were supposed to be meatballs. It was SPAM…or the meatball equivalent of SPAM. I don’t really care…I still ate it. It resembled a meatball sub…but it wasn’t good. Arby’s may have already subliminally gotten my memo because the meatball is nowhere on their website (but I still think they’re still offering it).

Unless you live by the same credo as me and you refuse to let it go, then there’s no need for you to embark on this disastrous mission. However, I’ll bet $100 that Pumpkin will hook up the Arby’s meatball in spite of my warning. That’s why he’s the Punkin.

My advice: stick to the Total Happiness…the mother of all meatball sandwiches (at least from a franchise). Spanky may not agree, but Subway’s still the king of meatballs:

LOVITZ. Grimace. China Star.

Well, this post started out as dealing with Subway only, but then I lost control.

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I hate pretty much all of Subway‘s commercials. I’m sick of that lameass Jared (did he have his stomach stapled? I don’t know), but I’m especially sick of Jon Lovitz and his spritely commentary on their little skits.

_

Burger King, on the hand, creeped me out at first with the King, but after they put him on the football field I became a fan. Hence I applaud BK.
Back to Lovitz. This shit is pushing me away from Subway. They’re so smug, and the fact that their parent company is named “Doctor’s Associates” or whatever doesn’t work on me. Yeah, you’re pushing for the whole healthy-image thing–I got that. Do you really think that works on me–your stupid company’s name? By making it seem as if my doctor gives it the thumbs up?
I like the Italian BMT and the meatball sub. I really do. But to beat a dead horse, I share Grown Pumpkin’s sentiment, expressed here. But Lovitz makes me want to call Wayne Brady. Really.

Maybe I’m cranky because I’m hungry. God, I’d go to the Chinese place, China Star, in the Old Capitol Mall in Iowa City to grab some of their badass General Tso’s, but they don’t take credit or debit cards. We need to have a little chat, they and I. Their food is rockin’ and they’re packed at lunch, but they need to step it up. It’s 1999, BRO. Get on board. Now I go there anyway, but I’d go there more if I could be a good American and use this credit card. I don’t care if they don’t speak English. But don’t tell me that I can’t rack up credit card debt. That’s the real threat to the American way.

-Hattori “Spanko” Hanzo