Save the Earth. Use birth control.

Here’s a thought. If you really want to curb energy use and to prevent the atmosphere from taking in more greenhouse gases, why not forgo having children? Think of all the energy you have consumed in a lifetime. Then multiply that for each child you would have…. Yep. That’s tons and tons of energy.

There’s no need to multiply. Forget all these hybrids, just use birth control!

Bonus: the fewer workers we have around, the more demand there will be, and the higher our wages will be! Ahhhh, we all win.

“But Spanky, I want my own rugrat!”

ADOPT.

-MC Spanky McGee

The centrality of gasoline.

As gas prices soar, thieves grow more brazen

Most gas thefts are still perpetrated by motorists who drive off without paying. After seeing declines in drive-offs earlier this decade, after many stores began requiring drivers to pre-pay, the National Association of Convenience Stores says they’re rising sharply again. “

Gasoline is at the center of the American economy, but there are those who will doubt this.

One group, for example, is crazy enough to believe that Baby Jesus will create more oil. What a crock. He would have already done it by now. (I really don’t need to refute this hypothesis on this blog.)

We will see more crime of all kinds as gas prices go up. More gas will stolen from the pump, perhaps tankers will be hijacked.

I hate to be the ominous village prognosticator, but we are seeing the beginning of how crazy it’s going to get when oil becomes scarce. Food prices will go up, and I think those living in the big cities are going to have the hardest time. I don’t want to sound like these people, but you have to admit that the potential for chaos is real.

The question is, How likely is the chaos?

About as likely that we won’t find alternative energy sources to meet our demand.

-MC Spanky McGee

To the Americans:

Bush says Saudi oil increase ‘doesn’t solve our problem’

But Saudi oil minister Ali al-Naimi said Friday it had decided a week before Bush’s visit to raise production by 300,000 barrels a day to 9.45 million barrels a day and didn’t see any need to do more. Energy analysts called the boost a token — it represents just 3 percent of the total — and it was seen as a rebuff, if a gentle one, of Bush by Abdullah.

Still, the president steered clear of criticism of the Saudis. He noted they are increasing refining capacity as well as pumping more oil.

“It’s not enough. It’s something but it doesn’t solve our problem,” Bush said. “One of the interesting things about American politics is, those who are screaming the loudest for increased production from Saudi Arabia are the very same people who are the fighting the fiercest against domestic exploration, against the development of nuclear power and against expanding refining capacity.” “

Listen up, people. Stop whining about the damned price of oil. We are responsible for its price. It’s simple–it’s called supply and demand. The economic solution is to consume less oil. Recycle your goddamned plastic Diet Coke bottle, turn off your lights, and ride a bike or the bus. Use less energy, and lower prices will surely follow.

-MC Spanky McGee

Global warming is not the issue here, dude. A new argument for cutting emissions.

Well, maybe it’s new.

Let’s get some things out in the open here. I accept the old arguments for the conclusion that global warming is occurring and that it is caused by humans. Ok–I feel better.

We could wrangle over the data and findings, and nay-sayers will tell you that it’s possible that the warming is not occurring or it’s not being caused by us. However, we can skip this debate and use a much better argument that should have the exact same consequences if we had all accepted the old argument for the conclusion that we should curtail our carbon emissions. The result should be that nay-sayers will accept the conclusion that thy should conserve energy and switch to renewable sources.
The new argument relies on premises that all sane people accept:

  1. Fossil fuel sources are practically finite, and they are not renewable in a useful way. We use them up at a rate that exponentially exceeds the rate at which dead things turn into oil, for example. In other words, we can’t wait around for new oil to pop up.
  2. As far as I know, nuclear materials fall in the same boat.
  3. As these non-renewable sources become scarcer, their prices will rise, and that rise is not in the self-interest of consumers.
  4. We are going to require energy sources that are renewable at a rate that keeps up with demand. This is also important for economic reasons.
  5. The sun, the wind, and wave power are all good candidates for sources presented in #3, and once the systems are in place, their carbon footprint is greatly smaller than systems relying on fossil fuels, etc. Solar energy, especially, is practically infinite. Of course, the sun will burn out, as I have discussed in OIL ON TITAN? SWEET!
  6. . So it is not absolutely infinite. But it should crank out sunlight as long as we can stick around on this planet, anyway. (And we don’t cloud the atmosphere….)

Though the technology is still in the infant stage, we should research these new systems as much as possible, and implement them as soon as possible.

Concerning 3, we will have to strike a compromise. I’m betting that systems involving solar, wind, etc., will not be able to be able to keep up with projected demand. That means that we will have to reduce demand and conserve. So, we will have to use CFLs, turn out the lights when we leave a room, inflate our tires, drive less, etc.

Here’s the kicker. Once we make the necessary switch to these “renewable” sources, we will find that our carbon emissions will drop anyway. But the new argument relies on relatively uncontroversial premises. Even if carbon emissions drop and the average global temperature happens to keep rising, we will still be in a better economic situation, because fossil fuels and nuclear fuels are practically finite and our reliance on them will become a royal pain in the economic ass.

Bottom line: it’s in everyone’s self-interest to use fossil fuels as little as possible and to make the switch to renewables. Yep–oil companies are going to get hit, but you should keep in mind that they’re going to have to play a new game, anyway. Their oil won’t last forever, and I guarantee you that they are already thinking about new investments.

Duh. They’re not stupid.

-MC Spanky McGee

News: “Microfiber fabric makes its own electricity?” Spanky brainstorms the possibilities.

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddlyEnoughNews/idUSN1334… 

U.S. scientists have developed a microfiber fabric that generates its own electricity, making enough current to recharge a cell phone or ensure that a small MP3 music player never runs out of power.”

First of all, why is this in “Oddly Enough News”? This is big time, baby.

Second, I can think of a shitload of uses for this technology.

  1. Grown Pumpkin’s Game Boy will never run of out batteries again, so long as he walks to the refrigerator every now and then.
  2. Bro Taguchi can power his Walkman as he’s driving to Culver’s.
  3. Stooge can power his light-up clown nose.
  4. Make lingerie out of this stuff and we can power the entire country.
  5. Finally, your damn cat can be useful:

thunder power cat

-MC Spanky McGee