George Bush’s Hero Steals iPod, Xbox 360, and Some Air Guns

In late 2007 Lewis Bennett was the teenager in Plymouth Township, PA. that thwarted a planned Columbine-style shooting by informing on a husky student, Dillon Cossey, that had stockpiled weapons (with the help of his husky mother Michelle Cossey) for the assault on school bullies. For this heroic act, President George W. Bush called Lewis Bennett a “hero” and even “praised his courage”. Allegedly George Bush asked for Halo 3 cheat codes when they met and thanked him for the “pwnage”.

Fast forward to early 2008, just a few months later and then “Hero” Lewis Bennett has now been busted for joining other teens in a robbery. Bennett and others went through the unsecured window of another student and ripped off an Xbox 360, an iPod, and some air guns. Bennett got caught when he sold one of those $50 Xbox 360 controllers for a measly $20 at school and then tried to peddle his other goods like a pawn shop. Attorneys are chalking this up as fame and attention causing him to lash out. At least they aren’t saying he was “under the influence of Grand Theft Auto“.

George Bush pins medal on Fugitive
* Note: This is not Lewis Bennett, this is a photoshop of President George W. Bush pinning a medal on The Fugitive played by Harrison Ford. This is intended to imply George Bush is honoring a criminal. This is meant to be funny.

Bush: “Gas is gonna cost what???”

Bush finds out about $4 gas forecasts

President Bush, saying he was unaware of predictions of $4-a-gallon gasoline in the coming months, told reporters Thursday that the best way to help Americans fend off high prices is for Congress to make his first-term tax cuts permanent.

Bush also criticized Congress, which is considering an $18 billion tax increase for large oil companies.

‘All that’s going to do is make the price even higher,’ he said. ‘We ought to be encouraging investment in oil and gas close to home if we’re trying to mitigate the problems we face.’

Georgie, are you fucking serious? This is totally ridiculous.

1. You weren’t aware of the outlook on the price of gas? Have you been stranded? Is that why you don’t have a clue?

george bush castaway

2. The best way to deal with these prices is a tax cut? Why don’t you push alternate sources of energy? Why not say that we should cut demand?

Because you’re still an oil man.

Just say that we should consume less gas, goddamnit. If demand goes down, so will the price. It’s really easy.

-MC Spanky McGee