Soupy Trumpet Blasts from the Web 3-31-2008

While Spanky catches up on his Zzzzs, Griff thought she’d do a little blasting herself.

BBC News

Excavation Begins at Stonehenge

Mlb.com

Opening Might: Zim’s walk-off wins it

Ryan Zimmerman saves the Nats from looking like complete dumbasses in front of G-Dub.

Yahoo! Sports

Brewers face rival Cubs in Season Opener

Griff’s Brew Crew assures itself yet again that the Cubs will find a way to f*%# this season up, and hopes to thereby win the weakest division in MLB. Whether or not Carlos Zambrano acts like an ass this time around remains to be seen…

Stuff White People Like

Graduate School

It’s true. We appear to like grad school. God knows why…

W.A.D.E.S.

Weak Ass Dudes Eating Salad 

This site just killed me. The site’s main premise is that “vegetables are at the core of any weak ass dude.” I like the conditions under which a taco salad is exempt.

Rovie says, “Can’t we all just get along?”

karl rove hawkeye 2

Karl Rove was heckled at a speaking engagement in Iowa City on Sunday. He attempted to shut up the unruly crowd with this golden nugget, “You got a chance to ask your questions later and make your stupid statements, let me make mine.” Well, Rovie, before I defend you I’ve got to blast yo ass…for the record. You were part of the mastermind behind the most reviled regime in the White House since…oh, I dunno…Andrew Jackson?!?!? Your #1 aide was criminally indicted on five felony counts of perjury before W let him off the hook. You produced four election victories for W (2 as gov, 2 as pres), starting with the absolute hijacking of John McCain ‘s bid for the nomination in South Carolina in 2000 (push poll question: “Would you be more likely or less likely to vote for John McCain for president if you knew he had fathered an illegitimate black child?”). This is only scratching the surface of your atrocities. People don’t like you. Liberal America does not like you. They think you and the boys have…uh….messed up. So when you go into those bastions of liberalism such as Iowa City and rake in 40 Gs on a Sunday afternoon, you’re gonna get that. In fact, you might even deserve it…or a little more.

But Rove is right about one thing…it’s time for the angry libs to back down…at least as it pertains to rude interruptions and drown-out attempts during public speaking engagements. Never mind that political support for an imperialistic foreign policy is far more egregious than a little righteous public outrage in terms of ethics…it’s much easier to say “well, those people are just angry and mean-spirited.” And they’ll be right…know why? Because they have a vote, and the war we’re fighting is to change minds (not just to be right). If you want to mock Karl Rove, make him speak to an empty banquet hall. Just don’t go. The Roves of the world are only relevant when they have a name and face to rally against, and the IC hecklers gave him that perfect enemy…once again. They love nothing more than to argue that academia embraces fascists but hates Republicans (even if the argument is inaccurate). None of this is new. Republicans have been painting Dems as the angry malcontents for years.

Rovie, I’m willing to meet you in the middle. Spanky and I have been scheming on bringing former WH Press Secretary Scott McClellan to party in IC for 2 years….that dude needs a beer! Besides, we just wanted to shoot the shit with him (“How bout that flood control, huh?”).

I’d like to extend that formal invitation to you, too, Rovie. You pick a football game…we’ll host the tailgate. We won’t let any of those liberal cooks near you…well, other than us, and we’ll rock out the I-Ceezy. Post-game we can hit up the ped-mall and I got your grilled cheese all day, bro. Oh, and please bring McClellan….PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE! I know you guys might not be good ol buds anymore, but you can get along for a 24-hour party in the IC, can’t you?

Let’s bury the hatchet.

You’re not your khakis.

Obama camp slams Clinton team on controversial photo

I don’t know whether Hillary is sending out this or not. It doesn’t matter–a bunch of morons are going to say that the sky is falling, anyway. Maybe simple logic will prevail. We’ll see how intelligent our society really is….You’ll find idiots who post stupid shit on blogs with headlines like this: Nancy Pelosi in an Islamic Headscarf

are the kind who think that what you wear in Rome makes you a Roman.

Nothing could be farther from the truth:

bush hands

bush flight suit

bush silk

(http://letsgoeverywhere.files.wordpress.com/2006/11/silkysmooth.jpg)

So, before you start getting all stupid about:

obama garb muslim

you should think about your current President. All the fucking loonies are going to say that this is proof that Obama is a Muslim, blah blah blah..

Bush’s wearing a flight suit doesn’t make him a badass, nor do his silky threads make him Asian.

-MC Spanky McGee