The Dogs of Yesteryear

So yesterday Fessy and I hooked up some awesome hot dogs from Yesterdog, a local joint in Griff’s hometown of Grand Rapids, Michigan. Now, normally Grand Rapids is known for old Dutch people, Republicans (e.g., Gerald R. Ford), Amway, Calvin College, and other such conservative delights. However, Yesterdog transports one back to the good ol’ days, where you paid 10-cents for a dog and a pop. (Here you pay between $1.60-$2.10 for a dog, which still isn’t bad.) Hanging on the walls are old advertisements and posters, antiques of various sorts, and pictures of people wearing Yesterdog pareph with famous people or in famous places.

Yesterdog Michael Moore

Yesterdog offers six kinds of dogs, with varying combinations of toppings. I devoured two yesterdogs (chili, pickle, onion, ketchup, mustard), while Fessy hooked up a couple of ultradogs (ketchup, mustard, onion, pickle, cheese, chili, and kraut).

Yesterdog1          Yesterdog2 

Combine those with some Pepsi, a cup of tasty chicken noodle soup, and some cheese curls, and you got yourself a damn nice meal for about $6.


There’s only a couple of drawbacks. One is that going through the line to order your dogs is like a visit to the Soup Nazi: You damn well better know what you want when you step up, or you’re going to hear, “NEXT!” These dudes have no patience for slow deliberation (which proved difficult for Fessy). They even have rules posted on their website. On the other hand, these guys are incredibly efficient, and crank artisan dogs out like none other. Plus they still use the old-school cash register from the 20s. They also stay open past bar-close for the drunk crowd – so I give these dudes some credit.

Second, the dogs themselves are not big. They’re buried under a ton of toppings, but once you get to the dog itself, it’s pretty minimal. Now I like this school of thought, but others seem to dig the gignormous (the second “g” is silent) Chicago beef franks. Honestly, the less ground-up leftover animal parts I’m digesting, the better. (Though I know several of you Soupy Trumpeters will disagree – that’s why your trumpets are so soupy.)

All in all, the trip was successful, and I would recommend anyone traveling to this conservative bastion take a break in East Town and check out the dogs of yesteryear. Or just check out the documentary: [youtube width="425" height="355"][/youtube]

New controller for “Major League Eating: The Game”

Our technical team here at Soupy Trumpet has come up with a prototype controller for Major League Eating: The Game.

You plug it in to your XBOX 360, and start up the game. All you have to do is open your cavernous mouth (the one you use to spew so much bullshit in Halo 3 postgame lobbies), bite on the hot dog offered by the robotic arm, swallow, and repeat. You’ll be on your way to wearing husky pants in no time!!!

The RoboDog 7000 offers a broad hotdog tray, so that you won’t have to get up frequently to replenish your supply. We have installed the fastest available motors so that you can chomp the dogs at a championship rate. Your skill level will rocket to 50 quickly, or we’ll give your money back. (Or you can always hit a brick wall at level 37, start up a new account with your favorite little buddy and house everyone on the way back up the ladder) Take on Takeru Kobayashi from the comfort of your own home!!! You’ll never leave the house again! (You’ll be too big to get out!)

major league eating controller

The wired version is pictured here (retail price: $18,899.00), but for $49.95 more, you can go wireless!!!

Don’t forget to download our Soupy Trumpet icon for your whole Major League Eating clan/team! You and your fellow douchebag teammates can all have the same icons. Intimidate your opponents with your good sense of color coordination and similar gamertags!!!!

(Right click icon below and click “Save icon to my XBOX 360 so that my fucking teammates and I can be unoriginal dolts and have matching icons.”)