New Metallica album named “Death Magnetic”

Metallica names new album

What? Have they gone indie-rock? What kind of title is that?

The only good news that I gleaned from the article is this:

“Death Magnetic” (Warner Bros.) was produced by Rick Rubin

If anyone can save Metallica from themselves, it’s Rick Rubin. You sure as shit know that Bob Rock can’t do it, since he is heavily responsible for the murder of Lars Ulrich and the subsequent replacement of him with a rather-inferior lookalike drummer. At any rate, Bob Rock produced “St. Anger,” and we know what a hot pile of shit that that was.

I hope Newsted is wearing aviators somewhere, lounging around in an “And Justice For All” t-shirt, shaking his head–BUT luxuriating in the truth that he wisely quit that band….

-MC Spanky McGee

Spanky’s metal review: Black Tide

Listen to the three goddamned songs at this website.

http://www.myspace.com/blacktide

Apparently these dude are fifteen, and they’re from Miami, and they already have a record deal from Interscope.

Whoopdiefreakindoo.

Maybe I’m old. Maybe I’m jaded. Maybe I’m jealous. But maaaaaaybe I have some metal-wisdom.

Listen up, fuckers. Black Tide is nothing new. At all. They are Metallica (the Master-of-Puppets version), Slayer, a dash of Dave Mustaine, and Skid Row all rolled up into one.

Frankly, I think that Snake (of Skid Row) should kick some of their asses for ripping off his shit.

I don’t really have much to say, other than that this band is merely a record label’s cheap gimmick. All the guitar shit, all the drum shit, and all the lyrics, such as “Warriors of time,” are all 80s throwbacks.

Hell yes, I said it. 1. Those BOYS ain’t gonna read this review 2. They ain’t gonna care, even if they did.

I could listen to some little punks recreate some shit to which I listened while growing up. I’d rather just get out my old shit, hear the real deal, and rock out to Tommy Lee dropping fat syncopated swishes on “Dr. Feelgood.”

-MC Spanky McGee………. over and out