New Metallica album named “Death Magnetic”

Metallica names new album

What? Have they gone indie-rock? What kind of title is that?

The only good news that I gleaned from the article is this:

“Death Magnetic” (Warner Bros.) was produced by Rick Rubin

If anyone can save Metallica from themselves, it’s Rick Rubin. You sure as shit know that Bob Rock can’t do it, since he is heavily responsible for the murder of Lars Ulrich and the subsequent replacement of him with a rather-inferior lookalike drummer. At any rate, Bob Rock produced “St. Anger,” and we know what a hot pile of shit that that was.

I hope Newsted is wearing aviators somewhere, lounging around in an “And Justice For All” t-shirt, shaking his head–BUT luxuriating in the truth that he wisely quit that band….

-MC Spanky McGee

Brief review: Russian Circles, live at the Picador, June 3rd, 2008.

I saw Russian Circles last night in Iowa City at the Picador. My bro and an old buddy of his drove out for this show.

http://www.russiancircles.net/
http://www.myspace.com/russiancircles

This was my first encounter with this band, and I was very happy. The drummer, Dave Turncrantz, makes me think of a Dave Grohl-Danny Carey bastard love child. Since I am a drummer, this is the first thing to which I listen in hearing a band.

One thing that I noted was that the guitarist, Mike Sullivan, is very rhythmically-minded, and this gives Turncrantz something to latch on to. When drummers aren’t led by this kind of guitarist, they sound too busy. But the three musicians complement each other quite nicely, and they keep things interesting enough that you don’t even miss a voice. (They’re instrumental. Ballsy–and awesome).

If you’re an old Rush fan like myself, you’ll dig this kind of music.

It’s no wonder that Tool had these guys open on the European leg of the tour.

So, as I’m still unfamiliar with this band (and as I was kinda Drunky McGee last night), you don’t get much from my review other than a general “HELL YEAH!”

Verdict:
$8 = a goddamned bargain for 3 great musicians.

-MC Spanky McGee

Spanky’s metal review: Black Tide

Listen to the three goddamned songs at this website.

http://www.myspace.com/blacktide

Apparently these dude are fifteen, and they’re from Miami, and they already have a record deal from Interscope.

Whoopdiefreakindoo.

Maybe I’m old. Maybe I’m jaded. Maybe I’m jealous. But maaaaaaybe I have some metal-wisdom.

Listen up, fuckers. Black Tide is nothing new. At all. They are Metallica (the Master-of-Puppets version), Slayer, a dash of Dave Mustaine, and Skid Row all rolled up into one.

Frankly, I think that Snake (of Skid Row) should kick some of their asses for ripping off his shit.

I don’t really have much to say, other than that this band is merely a record label’s cheap gimmick. All the guitar shit, all the drum shit, and all the lyrics, such as “Warriors of time,” are all 80s throwbacks.

Hell yes, I said it. 1. Those BOYS ain’t gonna read this review 2. They ain’t gonna care, even if they did.

I could listen to some little punks recreate some shit to which I listened while growing up. I’d rather just get out my old shit, hear the real deal, and rock out to Tommy Lee dropping fat syncopated swishes on “Dr. Feelgood.”

-MC Spanky McGee………. over and out

New Tool album? Who knows? Same old cryptic nonsense on website.

TOOL.com

SUBJECT: ROLLING STONE

QUESTION: “Hey Blair, I’m sure you’ve received emails about this, but just in case you haven’t… a Rolling Stone journalist said he did shots of Patron with Danny and Maynard at the Grammys and they told him there is a new album in the works. My heart skipped a beat when I read it. Do you have any insight to this rumor?”

REPLY [from Blair, the Webmaster]: If Danny and/or Maynard told the guy that there was a new (Tool) album in the works, than who am I to say that it’s not so? However, I can’t help but wonder if these were decoy band members that attended the Grammys, or, even if they were the actual band members, was this record they were referring to merely a decoy album? As a de-facto ambassador (with or without the white robe of a Fair Witness), keep in mind what I wrote in the January 17th newsletter – namely that if you were to go looking for a band member on the Red Carpet, you better watch out not only for a large Venerian Dragon with a cockney lisp, but for SnARKS that are boojums! Still, if they really are dusting off the dry-erase ‘arrangement’ board over at the rehearsal space, perhaps it’s once again time to remove the violet silk wrap of my faux bird’s-eye maple deluxe edition ‘talking board’ and summon Obelisong, the “pleasant deliverer” of some ’10,000 Days” tidbits a couple of years ago. Better yet, what do you say we just wait and see what unfolds over the next few months? Any pertinent news shall be posted in a timely fashion.

Look, I’m a huge Tool fan, but I can’t stand this kind of bullshit. I know that the band members generally get a kick out of this kind of teasing their fans, and the band’s little imp, Blair Blake, is perfect in that role. As you can see above, Blair’s nonsense follows a mindless played-out pattern, which generally goes like this:

“Tool might be making a new album, but you’ll have to consult the 74th Rthgar in the Shadow of the Moon during the Festival of Hmondatar, while feasting on the six-sided Humoth, stroking your ying-yang to the…”

Look, TOOL, I bet most of your fans are too lazy to look up your esoteric D and D terms. I bet a couple of dorks do torture themselves for hours tracking down words and riddles you made up. I sure as shit don’t care. Release the album, and I’ll buy it. Bottom line. But it ain’t because you guys have little hexagrams and other geometrical symbols on your instruments (ahem, DC). It’s because you’re top-notch musicians (and that ain’t because of the shapes).

In fact, I’d rather have you talk about science and get away from this obsession with mystical words and shapes altogether. It’s just as goofy as the religions you guys often make fun of.

-MC Spanky McGee

A view of the stage at the Yacht Club in Iowa City, Iowa

I’ve heard some good music at the Yacht Club in Iowa City and I’ve played some music there (I’ve heard and played some bad music there), but goddamnit, those gi-normous brick pillars have got to go. All you can see from nearly any angle in the venue is:

the yacht club Iowa City

Hell, even if you manage to see around these chubby red brick towers, all you can see then is:

band at Yacht Club

(Above: a band celebrates on stage at the Yacht Club)

Damn.

-MC SpankyMcGee

Who are these guys?

A friend of the Trumpet–who nonetheless would not want to be associated with the antics of the Trumpet–once found this picture tucked away in a book. Click on the thumbnail for true awesomeness:

metal dudes

Questions abound, my friends.

1. Who are these guys?

2. Where do we get our hands on their tape? Note that there are two barely visible creases in bottom half of the picture. The original picture fit a tape case perfectly. These guys were passing this out as their demo pic. Amazing!

3. Who’s who? I think that it goes, from left to right: bassist, lead singer, guitarist, and then drummer. The lead singer is the top dog of this outfit, and I assure you that he insisted on being THE GUY WITH THE DRIPPING BLOOD.

Notice that the drummer is taking a bite out of the upside down cross. I kinda doubt that that will tack on any penalty to his sentence in Hell, but maybe the Gatekeeper will bring up that move as a point of interest. At any rate, I’m sure I will find out since I’m headed there, too. (Although I don’t believe it, since Hell is one of the biggest pieces of bullshit we’ve ever conjured…)

4. Where are they now? I’m betting that a few of them are high-powered lawyers and university deans…

5. Where in the hell do you get spikes that big? Does dad make them for you in the workshop? “Well, son, I don’t understand, but I’m glad you have some kind of goddamned hobby…”

6. Are these guys friends with Tipper Gore?

If you or any of your friends know these guys, contact us ASAP. Bro Taguchi and I will need to hear the tape immediately.

-Spanks