NASA, Apple join KFC in the race for alien business

NASA on Monday will broadcast the Beatles’ song “Across the Universe” across the galaxy to Polaris, the North Star.

The idea came from Martin Lewis, a Los Angeles-based Beatles historian, who then got permission from McCartney, Yoko Ono and the two companies that own the rights to Beatles’ music. One of those companies, Apple, was happy to approve the idea because is ‘always looking for new markets,’ Lewis said. “

Apple is a bit slow here, since this has been in style ever since KFC started selling chicken to aliens. However, I’m sure that aliens will be happy to add crappy Finger Eleven songs to their playlists.

In other news, during a Soupy Trumpet conference call yesterday morning, Grown Pumpkin assured Trumpet shareholders that the company would surely expand its dog crap delivery service to aliens. Bro Taguchi, however, was skeptical that Pumpkin’s dog, Mudbutt, could keep up with demand on Degoba.

-MC Spanky McGee

Shoot ‘em with the big guns, NASA!

NASA has identified a “secret spy satellite” that has failed and must be shot down before plummeting to planet Erf. About the time this entry posts to the Trumpet, NASA will be pulling an Old Yeller and launching air defense missiles to destroy the plummeting satellite. I suggest using the firepower of this FULLY AAHHMED AND OPEREETIONAL BATTLE STEETION (yet another nails on the chalkboard moment for Spanky)…or just use one of these (which always worked for G.I. Joe):


Here’s a nugget regarding this virus with shoes known as the human race. We have reached the point where we now send machines into outer space to orbit the Erf and spill down the pure bliss of DirecTV and GPS devices that tell you where the fish are in the lake…then if they get messed up we can just shoot a missile up there to blow that machine to bits…so as to prevent the “satellite falling on peoples’ heads” thing from happening. We’ve actually been doing this for about 20 years. And the best part about it? Common folk like you and me have NO IDEA what is going on here. This is a “secret spy satellite,” so you never knew it was up there in the first place. It’s that far over your head…pun intened. Price tag? $60 million…yet another item that you’re better off not worry about. Go buy yourself a #6 and try not to think about it too much.


Update: Reports are in that we shot down the spy satellite.