Spanky is sick of Lucas’s bullshit.

cash cow star wars george lucas

Goddamnit. I grew up on Star Wars, and yes, I can still drop some quotes. But I don’t totally dork it out. I have my XBOX 360 and my computer for dorkin’ it. I hate Star Wars now. I’m soooooooo fucking sick of Lucas just driving it into the ground. Sometimes we’re just so much better off without a sequel: The Matrix, Clerks, etc. and so on. We coulda used our imaginations–if we have any left in our collective consciousness–to figure out what could/should happen next. But noooooooooooo. We get stuck with your shitty dialogue–which I won’t rehash here. (We’ve all been over that.)….

“Star Wars: The Clone Wars,” a new stylized, computer-animated feature film, will open Aug. 15 in theaters and set the stage for a tie-in television series with the same name and mode of artwork that will begin airing as a 30-minute weekly series in the fall on the Cartoon Network and TNT.

I think I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again. Goddamnit, George. Milk that cow, you ass. But I, for one, am not buying your skim. I’ve got whole milk with Call of Duty 4, and I’m feeling like a strapping young lad.

It’s called quality, not quantity, and you gave up on quality “a long time ago.” Shoulda called it quits with the Ewoks playing paradiddles on the storm trooper helmets.

-MC Spanky McGee

Spanky is gettin’ too old for this shit. He rocked out to “Songs for the Deaf” while cranking out this bitch-fest, and it was awesome.

“If you’re 555, then I’m…. “

“General Butt Naked”

Before he led his fighters into battle, wearing only a pair of lace-up boots, Blahyi [Gen. Butt Naked] said he made a human sacrifice to the devil.

The sacrifice was typically “the killing of an innocent child and plucking out the heart which was divided into pieces for us to eat,” he told The Associated Press on Saturday. He appeared before the commission Jan. 15.

Between the time he made a pact with the devil circa 1980 and began his rampage and the time he stopped fighting in 1996, he said “more than 20,000 people fell victim (to me and my men). They were killed.”

In 1996, while charging naked into a battle, Blahyi said God appeared and told him he was a slave to Satan, not the hero he considered himself to be, according to an earlier interview with The Associated Press.

He became a born-again Christian and for a while, traversed the war-wracked streets of Monrovia selling cassettes of his sermons.”

Ok, there are a few points of interest here. (1) this guy is a real asshole (2) his nickname seems like it should be a Halo 3 gamertag, although to use it while having been inspired by Blahyi would be seriously wrong and (3) note the religious narratives involved here.

Yeah, he found Baby Jesus in the end. Whoopdie doo. But notice the power of the Satan story before his little rebirth–he killed 20,000 people. I’m so tired of this nonsensical story about the fucking devil. “There’s some dude, and he’s red, and he lives in a really really hot place, and he tempts you into doing bad things…” It’s sure as hell ain’t the devil that tempts me. It’s ordinary objects themselves. It’s the goddamned XBOX 360, the spicy chicken sandwich, and the… but it ain’t some guy that God can’t or won’t destroy.

The Satan narrative is standard on the Jesus package. The pope can rail against atheists all he wants, but he seems to forget all the crimes perpetrated by believers who kills their kids in all sorts of deranged ways–all in the name of the characters of an incoherent story: “An angel told me to…” “The devil told me to…” “God told me to…..”

How many innocents have died as a result of this phenomenon?

These assholes are responsible. But note the ideology they invoked. And the pope pulls the same move I am making with individual atheists who do perpetrate crimes. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, Benedict.