Snakesssssss!

CNN reports that a snake-handling preacher has been arrested:

The pastor of a Kentucky church that handles snakes in religious rites was among 10 people arrested by wildlife officers in a crackdown on the venomous snake trade.

More than 100 snakes, many of them deadly, were confiscated in the undercover sting after Thursday’s arrests, said Col. Bob Milligan, director of law enforcement for Kentucky Fish and Wildlife.

Most were taken from the Middlesboro home of Gregory James Coots, including 42 copperheads, 11 timber rattlesnakes, three cottonmouth water moccasins, a western diamondback rattlesnake, two cobras and a puff adder.

Handling snakes is practiced in a handful of fundamentalist churches across Appalachia, based on the interpretation of Bible verses saying true believers can take up serpents without being harmed.

I feel a strong urge to recommend that all Christian nutjobs should go pick up some puff adders, but I will resist that urge.

Let’s think a little bit here. Aren’t there other ways to tell whether someone really believes in Baby Jesus?

Surely there are. I doubt the snake handling is the only litmus test.

And what is it with Christians and snakes anyway? That’s just so Ozzy of them.

-MC Spanky McGee


MC Spanky McGee is trying to get back in the saddle here at the Trumpet.

THIS is why religion can be dangerous. Parents merely pray while daughter dies.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/04/28/prayer.death.ap/index.html

Two parents who prayed as their 11-year-old daughter died of untreated diabetes were charged Monday with second-degree reckless homicide. “

Family and friends had urged Dale and Leilani Neumann to get help for their daughter, but the father considered the illness “a test of faith” and the mother never considered taking the girl to the doctor because she thought her daughter was under a “spiritual attack,” the criminal complaint said. “

GODDAMNIT. This is senseless. The parents and their preacher should all be put in prison. They were running around, using faith–and wouldn’t ya know it–faith turned out to get someone killed.

A day before Madeline died, according to the criminal complaint, the father wrote an e-mail with the headline, “Help our daughter needs emergency prayer!!!!.” It said his daughter was “very weak and pale at the moment with hardly any strength.” “

If you know anyone who is like this, call the cops and the loony-catchers on their dumbasses immediately.

It’s called science, and don’t you dare tell me that science “doesn’t have all the answers.” No shit, assface. I know that. But it sure as shit drives that computer you’re now using to view this goofy-ass website. That Gateway Pentium-II you’re on doesn’t run on the Bible or Jesus-juice.

DAMNIT!

-MC Spanky McGee

Atheist soldier takes shit from Christians. Imagine that.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/04/26/atheist.soldier.ap/index.html

Known as “the atheist guy,” Hall has been called immoral, a devil worshipper and — just as severe to some soldiers — gay, none of which, he says, is true. Hall even drove fellow soldiers to church in Iraq and paused while they prayed before meals. “

It eventually came out in Iraq in 2007, when he was in a firefight. Hall was a gunner on a Humvee, which took several bullets in its protective shield. Afterward, his commander asked whether he believed in God, Hall said.

“I said, ‘No, but I believe in Plexiglas,”‘ Hall said. “I’ve never believed I was going to a happy place. You get one life. When I die, I’m worm food.”

The issue came to a head when, according to Hall, a superior officer, Maj. Freddy J. Welborn, threatened to bring charges against him for trying to hold a meeting of atheists in Iraq. Welborn has denied Hall’s allegations. “

Jeremy Hall: keep rockin’, Brobi Wan Kenobi.

As Dan Brown says, Christians love to act like they’re being oppressed by nearly everyone (it’s that damned Daniel in the lion’s den story and all that type of nonsense), but you should keep in mind the vast majority that they constitute–in this country, anyway.

Here’s a simple test for you determine the direction of the power flow: could there ever be an atheist president?

HELL NO.

I don’t know whether Hall was harassed or not. But I can tell you from personal experience that Christians do love to say the kinds of things that Hall alleges they did.

I hope Hall has some good evidence. One of moral of the story: when someone repeatedly gives you shit–record them.

Moral 2:

No one with Fort Riley, the Army or Defense Department would comment about Hall or the lawsuit. Each issued statements saying that discrimination will not be tolerated regardless of race, religion or gender.

“The department respects [and supports by its policy] the rights of others to their own religious beliefs, including the right to hold no beliefs,” said Eileen Lainez, a spokeswoman for the Department of Defense. “

Atheism is not lacking a belief. It is having the belief that God doesn’t exist.

Since when did Christians get a monopoly on the word, “belief”?

DAMN.

More to follow on this. I’m hungry and gotta go eat some wings.
-MC Spanky McGee

Welcome to the Catholic church, may I take your order?

Skip church; confess on ivescrewedup.com

Already a repository for too much information from bloggers divulging their every intimate thought, the Web recently extended its reach into territory the church once dominated.

Tens of thousands of the guilty among us are visiting confessional booths at ivescrewedup.com, mysecret.tv and dailyconfessions.com and unburdening themselves anonymously.

Ha! This makes all the sense in the world. Cheap, easy, online religion. Spanky likes it. Disposable Jesus, right in your bookmarks folder, next to the ol’ Bang Bros. links. Some Catholics are becoming faceless, opting to break out the mouse instead of driving to chizurch.

What about quality control of Confession 2.0? I couldn’t detect any QC from CNN’s story.

Among the Web site managers CNN spoke with, none has professional counselors monitoring confessions.

LifeChurch members monitor messages, deleting those that are, in their view, too graphic or fabricated. Like ivescrewedup.com, which is also run by a large church, IP addresses are not tracked. If someone posts a confession of a criminal nature — someone who says they enjoy child porn or they’ve committed murder — there’s not much the site managers can do about it.

No professional counselors? Just “site managers”? Bullshit. What do these confessors think they’re really doing? Man, just open Microsoft Word, write some shit down, click the red X in the upper-left corner, and then click “Don’t save.” Ya might as well. It’s not like you’re getting any true wisdom in exchange for your catharsis.

Oh, but wait. I know where there is some QC. Somebody still wants their cut:

But the Web does not offer a road to “true absolution,” said Father Ricardo Bailey of Holy Spirit of Atlanta, Georgia.

“I’m not in a drive-thru business,” he said. “Confessing means you’re taking accountability for the things we’ve done wrong, that you understand the impact you’ve had on other people.”

Oh, yes. Don’t be fooled by our competitors’ cheap knockoffs. We have the best baby Jesus around. “You get what you pay for.” The Church is going to fight to keep you tithing, to keep you guilty, to keep you coming back for more.

It shouldn’t be surprising to us that we are moving our spiritual lives online. We’ve already moved so many aspects of our lives on there. For religion, however, this move could be the fatal blow. As the spiritually needy gain access to new ideologies and philosophies on the Internet, their ties to their childhood religions will probably loosen, and they will become more, hmmm, cosmopolitan.

-MC Spanky McGee