GTA IV at Midnight – See You All Later

GTA 4 Special Edition with Vaseline

The Grand Theft Auto IV (GTA 4) video game comes out for the Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 tonight at midnight.  I was one of the suckers lucky ones that was able to reserve the special edition versions for the 360 at Best Buy for only $90 (pictured above – Vaseline not included).  I am admittedly happy and yet still sad because I will not see all of you.  I will likely see less of Call of Duty 4, and Halo 3 may not even know me anymore. (here we go again)

I am hoping the Xbox Live service can hang tough this time.  If it does, the game that IGN rated a 10, will be a slam-dunk for the 360 over the PS3 just for the online play.

Spanky ignore your initial thoughts and come to the darkside, make the purchase!

A brief comment on GTA IV.

I’m not going to tell you what’s involved in this game. There are a million sites out there that already describe it.

My message to you is: I am NOT buying Grand Theft Auto IV.

“If players want they can jump online and never even play the single-player again,” Jeronimo Barrera, vice president of game development, told GameTap. “Online is a serious time sucker. You’re going to have to be really careful if you’re married,” he added with a smile.

No shit, Jeronimo. I know this game is going to kick a ton of ass, but keep that shit away from me. I will end up like this:

I totally lost control with Halo 3, although I’m doing better with COD 4.

But I am not going anywhere near GTA IV. Fuck that. I’ll end up like one of those Chinese dudes in the internet cafes. D E A D.

Or pretty close to it.

-MC Spanky McGee

George Bush’s Hero Steals iPod, Xbox 360, and Some Air Guns

In late 2007 Lewis Bennett was the teenager in Plymouth Township, PA. that thwarted a planned Columbine-style shooting by informing on a husky student, Dillon Cossey, that had stockpiled weapons (with the help of his husky mother Michelle Cossey) for the assault on school bullies. For this heroic act, President George W. Bush called Lewis Bennett a “hero” and even “praised his courage”. Allegedly George Bush asked for Halo 3 cheat codes when they met and thanked him for the “pwnage”.

Fast forward to early 2008, just a few months later and then “Hero” Lewis Bennett has now been busted for joining other teens in a robbery. Bennett and others went through the unsecured window of another student and ripped off an Xbox 360, an iPod, and some air guns. Bennett got caught when he sold one of those $50 Xbox 360 controllers for a measly $20 at school and then tried to peddle his other goods like a pawn shop. Attorneys are chalking this up as fame and attention causing him to lash out. At least they aren’t saying he was “under the influence of Grand Theft Auto“.

George Bush pins medal on Fugitive
* Note: This is not Lewis Bennett, this is a photoshop of President George W. Bush pinning a medal on The Fugitive played by Harrison Ford. This is intended to imply George Bush is honoring a criminal. This is meant to be funny.

New Halo 3 “Ghost Town” Map Revealed, Part of Legendary Map Pack in Spring Download

Ghost Town Halo 3 Map

Bungie has released information on a new Halo 3 map called “Ghost Town”.  This map has been referred to as “O.K. Corral” during it’s 4-5 month development.  Bungie had a “q & a” session with artists and designers that worked on the map and included screenshots of the visually stunning new map.

“Ghost Town” will be made available as downloadable content (DLC) on this spring as part of the “Legendary Map Pack” on Microsoft’s Xbox Live service.  Other maps such as “Moonlight Sonata” and “Purple Reign”, have been discussed as potentially being included in this the second update (note Purple Reign has been pushed back).  Additionally one of the beefs with Master Chief’s game had been the melee system which is now patched.  Microsoft is on a bit of a roll it seems after fairing well at the Game Developers Conference (GDC) with Gears of War 2 and co.

Halo 3 is making a strong push to battle COD 4 MW and the upcoming Rainbow Six Vegas 2 in order to keep people playing.

Halo 3 Melee System Fixed in AutoUpdate from Bungie

Halo 3 Melee Fix

Bungie, the makers of Halo 3 for the Xbox 360, have released a patch for the game that will automatically be downloaded the next time players connect with Xbox Live. This AutoUpdate was described in full in a post on Many fixes are listed, but most notably is a fix for the troubled “melee attack system”. In Halo 3 prior to the patch, there was an outcry for a change to this system. The problem was that two players would go to “punch” each other at the same time and one usually died where the other walked away. The cause of this often time was due to the different connection speeds of the users and the “host” player had a huge advantage over the “clients”.

This system is half the reason why I primarily play Call of Duty 4 (COD 4) now as 2000+ games of frustrating online Halo 3 wore me down. It would tend to get extremely frustrating to fill an opponent with a clip full of bullets, go to strike him, and get smacked down while they walk off just fine. That being said, this fix really may entice me back to Master Chief, Microsoft, and co. Additionally we are looking forward to the new maps that are close to being released (“purple reign” delayed, “moonlight sonata” instead?) and finally releasing our map, “The Pumpkin Cage” built on Foundry to the world for their enjoyment.


Microsoft Has Big Day at Game Developers Conference, Announces Gears of War 2

Gears Of War 2 Covers

Microsoft has had a big day at the Game Developers Conference (GDC).  We have been following the announcements all day at Kotaku (source of the image) and at G4tv’s blog “The Feed”.  The biggest announcement of the day is that Gears of War 2 is official and as expected will be out for the holidays in November.  This has been rumored since the first ‘Gears’ came out and now is for real… they even included a GOW 2 teaser trailer in the announcement.

Also scoring big hits today for team Xbox was the announcement that Grand Theft Auto 4 (GTA 4) will have downloadable content (DLC) on the release date of April 29.  This is exclusive content available only on the Xbox 360 and available the same day the game is in stores.  The sequel for Ninja Gaiden will be released June 3 and will have “recording” features similar to Halo 3.   The XNA Game Studio is now set to beta test user created games and distribute them via Xbox Live… these games were shown being played on Xbox, PC, and even the Zune!  Fable 2 and Too Human were showcased as well, bolstering the already strong Microsoft lineup.  More Xbox Live Arcade titles were added too.

Videogames and Competitive Eating Together At Last

Major League Eating the Game Fake Box

Two of our favorite things at Soupy Trumpet are finally coming together like butt cheeks – Professional Competitive Eating and Video Games. On Thursday video game publishing company Mastiff Games released a press release for an upcoming game called “Major League Eating: The Game”. Mastiff acquired the gaming rights for Major League Eating (MLE) and the International Federation of Competitive Eating (I.F.O.C.E.) but divulged very few details at the time of the release. It is described as being played similar to a fighting game with twelve different foods to compete in.

Here at the Trumpet we certainly expect hope that our very favorite presidential candidate professional eater, Takeru Kobayashi , is not only in the game but the inaugural cover athlete. I have taken the liberty of firing up photoshop and offering a rough demo of said cover. Additionally we expect to be able to play as all of the best eaters in the world including Grown Pumpkin, rookie of the year Joey Chestnut, Patrick Bertoletti, Timothy “Eater X” Janus, Sonya Thomas, Chip “Burger” Simpson, Hall Hunt, and all the rest.

We also really hope that the game is available on XBox 360 since that is the only system Spanky has, the Sony Playstation 3 (PS3) so far has been really only a Blu-Ray player, and the Nintendo wii is far to much work… however it may be a blast on the wii to digitally eat chicken wings. If they somehow figure out an apparatus that can attach to the wiimote that allows us to get husky while schooling fools as Kobayashi, then I will fully support the wii version and invite Big Headed Bro Taguchi over for some doubles when he is near the Pumpkin Patch.

There really is no reason for Soupy Trumpet NOT to be hired as a collective advisory board for this game as it is essentially being made for us. We need to get our agent on this stat.

Bill Gates and Microsoft Bid 44.6 Billion for Yahoo – C.R.E.A.M.

Bill Gates Yahoo CREAM

I have been preaching and preaching about Microsoft stock and the future of this company.  THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING.  Get on it.

Yes I realize that it seems already like a no-brainer and maybe not that prophetic because Bill Gates has already gotten Microsoft to such a high level of success.  It may even sound like telling people to put money on the Bulls back in Michael Jordan’s day.

That being said, today’s news of Microsoft bidding 44.6 Billion dollars to purchase Yahoo is certainly attention worthy.  Add that to the domination of the personal computer market over seems like they are doing better than they are Apple, the domination in the video game console war with the XBox 360, the ungodly numbers Halo 3 put up at launch, the improvement of the Zune portable media player, and most of all the wide reaching – cross-platform Live service that is bringing everything together.

Microsoft is working on making our lives as simple and connected as possible.  I will give more on this later, but I assure you the news today is huge…Yahoo wasn’t even put up for sale and today Yahoo’s stock went up 45%.  Wouldn’t you have loved that tip yesterday – or is that another MJ and the Bulls situation?

ps.  Check out Wu-Tang Clan’s “Cash Rules Everything Around Me” or “C.R.E.A.M. and you will see why Bill Gates is a baller (even after stepping down).

Spanky’s rules of teabag engagement for Halo 3 (A short treatise on teabagging)

Friends and fellow douchebags,

The teabag is often abused on Halo 3. Variants on the teabag include, but are not limited to:

  • meleeing
  • slicing with the energy sword
  • kicking
  • grenading, sticking

the dead body of your opponent.

There are some basic rules to follow in Halo 3 or other first-person shooters with multiplayer.

In general, thou shall not teabag the enemy

  1. within the first half of the play clock
  2. within the first 10 points of the game (in team slayer, e.g.)
  3. when the game is tied
  4. you are winning by 4 points or fewer
  5. when a losing opponent is likely to blast a rocket off your helmet while you are performing said teabag and to swing the momentum

The first three rules are uncontroversial, for the simple reason that it is simply too early in the game to get cocky and disrespect your opponent. Your cockiness may be your undoing.

The fourth is less evident. However, for the reason that your opponent might stage a massive comeback and kick your prematurely-teabagging ass. Pumpkin and I have made such comebacks, and the fools that teabagged us when they were up by a few had jackshit to say afterwards. They took their post-game verbal lashings and ducked out. Don’t teabag if you can’t back it up.

The fifth rule is clear and distinct.

Now, my friends, I have broken these rules myself, but it doesn’t follow that I haven’t given good advice here. I, too, have taken out my frustrations on a winning opponent via the ol’ boop!-boop!-dip!-dip!

“Great kid! Don’t get cocky.”

Have fun droppin’ the bag…


PS. The Trumpet gives a shout-out to ryguy0385, unbornredeyes, sich freuen and Spankeedog.